Barney Miller (1975–1982)
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The precinct is overrun with vagrants on Christmas. A merchant uses a cattle rod as his weapon of choice. A greeting card writer snaps.


Lee Lochhead


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Episode complete credited cast:
Hal Linden ... Capt. Barney Miller
Max Gail ... Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz
Ron Glass ... Det. Ron Harris
Steve Landesberg ... Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich
Ron Carey ... Officer Carl Levitt
Stanley Brock ... Bruno Bender
Ben Piazza ... Arthur Minch
Don Calfa ... Edward Pratken
David Clennon ... Howard Weckler
Mari Gorman ... Naomi Bender
Walter Janovitz ... Sam Belinkoff (as Walter Janowitz)
Zane Buzby ... Linda
Paul Stolarsky Paul Stolarsky ... Joseph Kellog


The precinct is overrun with vagrants on Christmas. A merchant uses a cattle rod as his weapon of choice. A greeting card writer snaps.

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christmas episode | christmas | See All (2) »


Comedy | Drama


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Arthur Minch: However, Captain, the point is, the greeting card industry has gone through a bit of a catharsis. Where once our mainstay was the sentimental slop and turgid jingles at which Mr. Kellogg was qso adept. The markets have now splintered, we have become more -- humor and pornography, cards for singles and gay,a religious and ethnic groups, hostages
Det. Ron Harris: Why are you telling me this?
Arthur Minch: I'm... not quite sure. At any rate, where do I sign.
Det. Ron Harris: This is the complaint.
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Romeo and Juliet: Fantasy Overture
Written by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky (as Peter Il'yich Tchaikovsky)
Courtesy of Extreme Music
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User Reviews

Stanley Brock and Don Calfa
18 August 2014 | by kevinolzakSee all my reviews

"Homeless" marks the sixth of seven appearances from Stanley Brock as store owner Bruno Bender, forever taking the law into his own hands (Brock's 8th out of 9 episodes overall). Here, he uses an electric cattle prod on the homeless Edward Pratkin (Don Calfa, last of seven), who has been sleeping in his store at night for the past few weeks, ever since his low rent apartment building was shut down. Bender is his usual gruff self, admonishing Pratkin for comparing it to being struck by lightning (Bender: "a couple'a hundred lousy volts, my pigeon shrugged that off!" Dietrich: "over here, bird brain!"). Mari Gorman (fifth of six) debuts as Naomi Bender, Bruno's wife of exactly one month, a memorable presence on each previous occasion, three as Officer Rosslyn Licori during the fourth season (both Benders appear in the series finale "Landmark"). The incident sparks a protest led by Sam Belinkoff (Walter Janowitz, fourth of five), another character who returns in "Landmark," nearly 100 homeless people gathered at the precinct for a long holiday evening together. Also snowed in is Howard Weckler (David Clennon, last of five) from the Human Resources Administration, who finds a suitable place for them to the Catskills! There's also Joseph Kellog (Paul Stolarsky), whose employment at the Loving Touch greeting card company was terminated during their annual Christmas Party, a pink slip wrapped inside a sympathy card (Harris: "Mr. Kellog was in the process of decking the halls with a barrage of deviled eggs, while at the same time submerging Kris Kringle's head in a punch bowl of highly spirited grog!"). Ben Piazza (last of three) plays Arthur Mench, Kellog's prissy boss, happily signing the complaint form against his former employee ("what is the problem Kellog, wasn't Santa good to you?").

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Release Date:

17 December 1981 (USA) See more »

Also Known As:

Homeless See more »

Company Credits

Production Co:

Four D Productions See more »
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Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
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