Rise of the Silver Surfer begins with a seemingly never-ending sequence that takes place in deep space. The credits roll while nothing happens. The camera looms on the computer-generated setting for what feels like ten minutes. I'm sorry to say as a Fantastic Four fan, this is one of the most exciting moments in the whole picture. For the first thirty or so seconds, I was thinking to myself that something amazing was about to happen, that this sequel would actually be cool. Then I got bored. Nothing was happening. The audience with me waited during a excruciatingly long set-up and then...nothing happens again. There were groans throughout the theater. During the next hour and half, many more groans were let out and four audience members left. By the end, I was wishing I had left too. Despite its alright box office, the team beyond Rise of the Silver Surfer has made another completely limp, uninvolving, terribly disappointing motion picture that will likely share the same legacy as the first: a total misfire.
Everything that made the 2004 abomination what it was is present here. There's cringe-inducing performances by leads Jessica Alba and Ioan Gruffudd, flat and all around boring direction, a shoddy script with elementary school dialogue and humor, and not an ounce of faithfulness to the original comics when it comes to the Silver Surfer. I don't mind if filmmakers change the comics as long as there are justified reasons (budgetary, location problems, etc), but when the changes have no aspect of creativity or intelligence, that's when I get put into a nerd-induced frenzy.
Surprisingly, I have a few positive comments about the film. Micheal Chiklis, Chris Evans, and Julian McMahon all have the right looks and attitudes for their parts. Unfortunately, the script calls for dialogue and actions that make them look foolish. However, there are a few brief moments where their performances outshine the writing. There are two or three quick scenes (mostly lasting no more than thirty seconds) where the duo appeared to actually be their characters. Then came about a bad joke or awful line to destroy the mood.
I'm not going to call Rise of the Silver Surfer the worst flick of the year, or even the summer. I'm sure kids will enjoy it. The kids in the theater I was in did. Nobody else was expressing enthusiasm though. Count me out for a third installment. This is definitely Marvel Comics most unwatchable production yet. 1/10
