Swash and unbuckle. In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate, Serena. He wants the Scepter of Inca, which gives its owner ...
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Swash and unbuckle. In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate, Serena. He wants the Scepter of Inca, which gives its owner great powers. To remove it from remote Calaveras Island, he needs the Dagger of Ataljuapa as well as the aid of a descendant of the family to whom the Scepter was entrusted. So, he kidnaps Manuel Valenzuela, honeymooning with the lovely Isabella. On Stagnetti's trail are pirate hunters, Captain Edward Reynolds and Jules, his commander. Edward's a bit clueless, but he does rescue Isabella. Once Stagnetti has the Dagger, the stage is set for the clash of good and evil.Written by
Man do I wish this had been a better film than it was. A number of the male actors and one of the female ones were trying, and were at least as good as actors in the average "Troma" film. But the majority didn't even bother to learn their lines! You can see their eyes shifting back and forth reading the TelePrompTer! I can appreciate the position the producers were in - that they needed "names" to sell the product, but most of the names weren't trying.
I know how old this makes me sound, but I remember the "Golden Age" of X-rated films, and how, at the very minimum, the lead actresses knew their lines. I can imagine this film cast with 1970s-era actresses in their prime - Vanessa Del Rio, Veronica Hart, Lisa De Leeuw, Kelly Nichols. Back then, the ranks of porn were filled with aspiring actresses, while these days it's filled with women who do porn in order to make money feature dancing in clubs.
One other difference is that they are all scared of spending this amount of money and running the risk of being sued by the government. So they don't have any non-consensual sex. Sorry, but these are PIRATES! Vicious, bloodthirsty pirates! Instead, they tip-toe around and spend most of the film focusing on the pirate-hunter.
Most of my other complaints have been covered by other posters: tattoos on "shy virgins", implants, waxing and in general all the woman looking like the "Aryan Nation" calender.
Maybe at some point in the future, someone will be able to make an explicit film with the erotic impact of the sex scenes in "Body Heat" or "A History of Violence". One can only hope.
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