Night at the Museum (2006)
Quotes
Easter Island Head: Hey! Dum-dum!
Larry: Yes?
Easter Island Head: You give me gum-gum!
Larry: I give you gum-gum?
Easter Island Head: You new Dum-dum. You give me gum-gum.
Larry: Gee, okay, you know what? I have no gum-gum. Sorry. And my name isn't Dum-dum. My name's Larry.
Easter Island Head: No, your name Dum-dum.
[People screaming]
Easter Island Head: Oh, you in trouble, Dum-dum. You better run-run. From Attila the Hun-hun.
[Larry runs as Attila and his gang are chasing him]
Easter Island Head: See you later, Dum-dum!
Jedediah: No problemo, Gigantor.
Larry: Um, my name's Larry, first of all okay, Jed? See, I call you Jed, I don't call you tiny, right?
Jedediah: What's that supposed to mean?
Larry: Hey teeny, how does that sound?
Jedediah: I... I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.
Larry: Okay, well Gigantor makes me feel like some sort of freak.
Octavius: I don't. I just call you Larry.
Larry: Don't be a kiss-ass.
Larry: [looks up at Dexter] Hey, Dex, so, look. No hard feelings, all right?
Teddy Roosevelt: [Dexter slaps Larry in the forehead and Larry raises his clipboard to hit him] Lawrence!
Larry: You saw - you saw what he did just then...
Teddy Roosevelt: [interupting him] Who's evolved?
Larry: I am.
Teddy Roosevelt: Who's evolved?
Larry: I am!
Teddy Roosevelt: I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?
Easter Island Head: [shouts] Quiiiiieeeeeeettttt!
[silence]
Easter Island Head: My dum-dum want to speak.
Gus: He looks like a weirdy!
Larry: [speaking to Civil War diorama figures] Civil war dudes... You guys are brothers, for God's sake... You gotta stop fighting... North wins... Slavery is bad... Sorry... Don't want to burst your bubble but South, you guys get Allman Brothers...
[hesitates]
Larry: ...and... Nascar. So just chill!
Gus: Listen up, Lunch Box!
Gus: Sweet dreams, cupcake.
Gus: Do you want to dance, hot dog?
Larry: [to the monkey, Dexter] Oh, hey, Dexter. I'm just locking up. Do you want in?
[Dexter walks in and climbs up to his tree]
Larry: [Dexter smiles from the tree, holding a set of baby toy keys] I don't think so. Looks like Uncle Larry pulled a fast one on little Dexy.
[locks up the entrance to the Hall of African Mammals]
Larry: Those are baby keys for a little baby. So have fun playing with your little baby keys, little baby monkey. Maybe tomorrow, I'll bring you a little baby "diapie" so you can go poo-poo in it. Then, I'll change it for you. Then I'll tickle you 'cause you're a cute little baby. Will you cry all night about how Uncle Larry fooled you? Told you there was a storm comin'.
Teddy Roosevelt: Some men are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.
Jedediah: Fire up the iron horse, boys.
Larry: Hey, blondie!
Jedediah: Name's Jedadiah.
Larry: Alright, Jedadiah, stop the train, please!
Jedediah: Big no can do, crackerjack.
Larry: What's going on here, huh?
Jedediah: Somebody's got to pay.
Larry: Pay for what?
Jedediah: I don't know, just pay! Now stop whining and just take it like a man!
Larry: Seriously, stop the train!
Jedediah: Alright, stop the train.
Larry: Thank you.
Jedediah: [shouts] Now full speed ahead and ram 'im! Split his head like a watermelon!
Larry: [Train hits Larry in the face] Ooh! Ow...
Jedediah: Oh, for crying out loud!
Gus: Do you want the job or not, snack shack?
Gus: Keep a lid on it, butterscotch.
Larry: All right! Let's do this, people! And... animals! And... weird faceless puppet creatures!
Teddy Roosevelt: Anything's posible Lawrence. If it can be dreamed, it can be done. Hence the twenty-foot jackal staring right at you.
[Larry starts to look]
Teddy Roosevelt: Don't make eye contact!
Larry: [on his second night at the museum] Morning, dum-dum.
Easter Island Head: Me no dum-dum. You dum-dum. You bring me gum-gum?
Larry: Yes I did, fathead.
[holds up a handful of gum]
Larry: Lots and lots of gum-gum.
Easter Island Head: Mmm!
Gus: Sleep tight, hotshot.
Larry: End of the line, cool breeze. End of the line.
Teddy Roosevelt: [after being cut in half by a stagecoach] Oh. That's problematic.
Jedediah: [discussing why he needs to blow up his display] It's Manifest Destiny!
Rebecca: [to Sacagawea] You rock! I am a big fan.
Jedediah: Wait, no. I ain't working with Toga Boy.
Octavius: Romans work alone.
[Jedediah hits him on his foot with his rifle]
Octavius: Ow!
Jedediah: That didn't hurt, don't be a baby.
Octavius: [while hopping on one foot] Yes it did!
Jedediah: No it didn't! Come on!
Octavius: [hits Jedediah's behind with his sword]
Jedediah: Ow! That was much harder!
Larry: This is not worth $11.50 an hour!
Larry: Moose! Not gonna happen, buddy. Alright? I told you three times. You can't come through this door with those antlers. So you and your caribou buddy gotta go around to the loading dock.
Don: It sure is chilly. Chilly-chilly-willy... the penguin.
Mr. McPhee: [fake laughing] Let's all laugh at me, the comedy night guard. No is the answer. Sarcasm back at you, with your humor box. I wasn't laughing. I was pretending to laugh, if that's what you want, some sort of battle of humor. Do you?
Larry: No, I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
Mr. McPhee: No, you don't, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Big Horn!
Mr. McPhee: Control your young!
Teddy Roosevelt: [after seeing Larry slapping Dexter] Good Lord, Lawrence! Why are you slapping a monkey?
Reginald: [while trying to escape, Reginald is found by Christopher Columbus and the Neanderthals]
Reginald: Alright, boys. We can do this the easy way,
Reginald: [holds his cane in a threatening manner]
Reginald: or the hard way.
Christopher Columbus: [Columbus brandishes his sword and the Neanderthals raise their giant bones]
Reginald: [scared] I guess it's gonna be the hard way.
Christopher Columbus: [In Italian] E' tutto finito.
Mr. McPhee: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...
Cecil: Don't let anything in or out.
Larry: You're an old man, I don't want to fight you.
[Gus punches Larry in the face]
Larry: [showing lighter to cavemen] Hey guys. Quest for fire, over.
Jedediah: Whoa, Octavius, hold on! This ain't your fight. This here giant's on our land.
Larry: A little birdie told me somebody likes... magic.
Attila the Hun: Magic?
Erica Daley: Hey, how's it going with that virtual reality driving range you wanted to open?
Larry: Getting there. Still waiting for the technology to catch up with the idea. I mean it's not easy, there are a lot of moving parts.
Teddy Roosevelt: Larry, relax! I'm wax!
Jedediah: Just living the Dream, Baby!
Octavius: We expand or die!
Larry: [Dinosaur throws Larry a bone] Fetch?
Teddy Roosevelt: Stop babbling, boy!
Cecil: Gotta keep it moving, Larry. I'm pretty spry for an old man.
Octavius: Unleash hell!
[last lines]
Jedediah: Let's ride.
[repeated line]
Cecil: Moving on.
Taxi Driver: Now who they gon' get to clean up all that doo-doo?
[Larry and Nick have just been saved by the now-released mummy who lurches towards them. He takes the burial wraps off his face to reveal that he is, in fact, a more-than-slightly handsome Egyptian prince]
Ahkmenrah: [British accent] You would not believe how stuffy it is in there.
[first lines]
Taxi Driver: [as Larry walks into the street] Hey, watch it!
Teddy Roosevelt: Bully!
