Rose McGowan: Pam (segment "Death Proof"), Cherry (segment "Planet Terror")
Stuntman Mike : Well Pam, which way you goin' left or right?
Pam : Right.
Stuntman Mike : Aww, that's too bad.
Pam : Why?
Stuntman Mike : Well, because there was a fifty-fifty shot on whether you'd be going left. You see, we're both going left. You could have just as easily been going left too and if that was the case, it would have been awhile before you started getting scared. But since you're going the other way, I'm afraid you're gonna have to start getting scared... immediately!
Cherry : It's go go, not cry cry.
Pam : Take a picture, it lasts longer.
Stuntman Mike : What?
Pam : That table. Seems to keep them getting your attention.
Stuntman Mike : Is that the girl from the billboard outside?
Pam : Yup.
Stuntman Mike : She sure is a striking looking woman. Look at that hair.
Pam : Lots of leave-in conditioner.
Stuntman Mike : Is that jealousy I detect?
Pam : Hardly. But if you wanna get with Jungle Julia, there's a real easy way to do that.
Stuntman Mike : Yeah? And what would that be?
Pam : Get famous. You won't have to find her, she'll find you. And you don't even wanna know what she did for that billboard. Enjoy it cocksucker, you've earned it.
Stuntman Mike : What did she ever do to you?
Pam : We went to school together, from kindergarten to high school, that's what she did to me. She was her height right now at twelve. She was a monster! Half the guy she still fucks from the old class she used to beat up and terrorize in the fifth grade.
Stuntman Mike : And I see she used to beat you up and take your chocolate milk.
Pam : That pituitary case might've kicked my ass a couple of times... Sorry, I'm built like a girl and not a black man, but I'd die before I ever gave Julia Lucai my chocolate milk.
Cherry : I was going to be a stand-up comedian.
J.T. : Hey, hey. You want some barbeque? Best in Texas.
Cherry : Oh, no thanks.
J.T. : What's the matter? You don't eat meat?
Cherry : Oh, I eat meat. I also eat lots of shit.
Cherry : [grins] See that?
J.T. : What's that?
Cherry : Shit-eating grin.
J.T. : [laughs] You ought to be a comedian.
Cherry : What do you think of the leg?
J.T. : [laughs] Sure is funny.
Pam : Hey Warren, is there anybody in this place you could vouch for to give me a ride home?
Stuntman Mike : [tosses keys across table in front of Pam] Fair lady, your chariot awaits.
Pam : You've been eavesdropping?
Stuntman Mike : [chuckles] Eavesdropping and can't help but hear, I think I belong in the latter category.
Pam : So, uh, "icy hot", you're offering me a ride home?
Stuntman Mike : I'm offerin' you a lift, if, when I'm ready to leave, you are too.
Pam : And when are you thinking about leaving?
Stuntman Mike : Truthfully, I'm not thinkin' about it. But when I do, you will be the first to know.
Pam : Will you be able to drive later?
Stuntman Mike : I know looks can be deceiving, but I'm a teetotaler. I've been drinking club soda and lime all night, and now I'm buildin up to my big drink.
Pam : Which is what?
Stuntman Mike : Virgin Pina Colada.
Pam : [pause] Okay. Why would someone who doesn't drink spend hours at a bar, drinking water?
Stuntman Mike : You know, a bar offers all kinds of things other than alcohol.
Pam : Hmm, really. Like what?
Stuntman Mike : [pause] Women. Nacho Grande platters. The fellowship of some fascinating individuals, like Warren here.
Pam : Fair enough. So what's your name, icy?
Stuntman Mike : Stuntman Mike.
Pam : [pause] "Stuntman Mike's" your name?
Stuntman Mike : You can ask anybody.
Pam : Hey Warren, who is this guy?
Warren : Stuntman Mike.
Pam : And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?
Warren : He's a stuntman.
Wray : Did you find what was in the pocket?
Cherry : Fuck no.
Wray : Look for it.
Cherry : [searches through one pocket]
Wray : No, the other one.
Cherry : [searches through the other pocket and takes out a box with a ring inside it]
Wray : I was gonna give it to you, but you left me. 'Cuz you took the jacket...
Wray : Read it.
Cherry : Two against the world.
Wray : Remember that?
Cherry : I never forgot it.
Cherry : Look, you were being an unbelievable dick. I was walking out on you. I was cold, I took your fucking jacket. So, if you're go on one of your psycho, obsessive, controlling rants about a fucking jacket, then fucking take it 'cuz I'd rather fucking freeze than fucking hear about it one more time.
Pam : So how exactly does one become a stuntman?
Stuntman Mike : Well, in Hollywood, anyone fool enough to throw themselves down a flight of stairs can usually find someone to pay them for it. But really, I got into the business the way most people get into the stunt business.
Pam : How's that?
Stuntman Mike : My brother got me in it.
Pam : Who's your brother?
Stuntman Mike : Stuntman Bob.
Stuntman Mike : How do you think they accomplish that?
Pam : CGI?
Stuntman Mike : Well, nowadays unfortunately you're right more often than not. But back in the all or nothing days, the Vanishing Point days, the Dirty Mary Crazy Larry days, the White Line Fever days, they had real cars crashing into real cars and real dumb people driving em.
Pam : [Stuck in Stuntman Mike's car] If you just stop right now, you know, and, and let me out, I'll never tell anybody...
Stuntman Mike : Hey, Pam, remember when I said this car was death proof? Well, that wasn't a lie. This car is a hundred percent death proof. Only to get the benefit of it, honey, you REALLY need to be sitting in my seat.
[slams his foot onto the brake and sends Pam flying face-first into his dashboard]
Cherry : You a doctor?
Dr. Dakota Block : Hm. I was earlier tonight.
Cherry : I always wanted to be a doctor, instead, I can do this. Useless talent number 66. I'm very pliable.
Dr. Dakota Block : You know my girlfriend had a theory, she said that you find a use for every useless talent you ever had.
Cherry : I'm not that optimistic. I feel like I'm stuck a drain and I can't get out.
Dr. Dakota Block : [Interrupts Cherry] She'd say, "when you're stuck in that spiral, just reach up".
Cherry : What if there's nothing up there?
Dr. Dakota Block : Just reach up.
The Rapist : [Comes in] You're a dancer.
Cherry : I was earlier tonight.
The Rapist : Well I'm pulling you out of retirement!
The Rapist : [muffled] You like Ava Gardner?
Cherry : Sorry?
The Rapist : [takes off gas mask] Ava Gardner. D'you like her?
Cherry : Yeah, I guess.
The Rapist : I was just thinkin' that you, uh, kinda look like Ava Gardner, a little bit.
The Rapist : [stops elevator and turns back to Cherry] You have somethin' you wanna say to me?
Cherry : I have nothing to say to you.
The Rapist : You have nothing to say to me? That's funny, cuz I could've sworn you just gave me a 'fuck you' look right now. You wanna say 'fuck you' to me?
Cherry : Not at this moment.
The Rapist : [pulls gun out of holster] You know what this is?
Cherry : A gun.
The Rapist : It's simplicity itself. You see, you point it at what you want to die. And you pull the little trigger here. And a little bullet comes outta here.
[presses gun barrel against Cherry's cheek]
The Rapist : And the little bullet... hits you right there!
[indicates Cherry's forehead]
The Rapist : And you know what? You don't look like Ava Gardner no more.
The Rapist : [grabs her hair as giant bubbles appear on his face] Do not taunt me, tramp. I am not one to be taunted. Say 'I got it'. SAY 'I GOT IT'!
Cherry : I... got it.
[turns elevator back on]
Cherry : [to herself] Tool.