A man named Farmer sets out to rescue his kidnapped wife and avenge the death of his son, two acts committed by the Krugs, a race of animal-warriors who are controlled by the evil Gallian.
An ex-Special Forces soldier gets thrown back to medieval times to fulfill an ancient prophecy and ends up finding redemption for his own battlefield experiences.
A modern day assassin, wanting out, is hired for one final job: to kidnap the kids of a local businessman. Things go haywire when it turns out he's chosen to return to the Middle Ages and bring back order to a kingdom in chaos.
In the 18th century, a vampire escapes from the freak show she once participated in and teams up with a group of vampire slayers to kill the man who raped her mother.
Director:
Uwe Boll
Stars:
Kristanna Loken,
Ben Kingsley,
Michelle Rodriguez
In the ironically named city of Paradise, a recently laid-off loser teams up with his cult-leading uncle to steal a peculiar bounty of riches from their local amusement park; somehow, the recently arrived Taliban have a similar focus, but a far more sinister intent.
Set in the kingdom of Ehb, the story follows Farmer (Jason Statham), who was adopted by his village. When Farmer's wife, Solana (Claire Forlani), and his son leave to sell vegetables at the town of Stonebridge, Farmer's farm is attacked by creatures called Krugs. With the help of his friend and neighbor Norrick (Ron Perlman), he travels to Stonebridge where his wife and son are. Before he arrives, the Krugs, controlled by the wizard Gallian (Ray Liotta), kill his son and capture his wife. Farmer, with the help of Bastian (Will Sanderson), his brother-in-law, and Norrick sets out to find and rescue his wife. The King's nephew Fallow (Matthew Lillard) is conspiring with the wizard Gallian to take over the kingdom led by King Konreid ('Burt Reynolds').Written by
btphelps and others
While filming an outdoor fight scene, Burt Reynolds grew overheated in his armored costume, became unconscious, and fell from the platform, on which the duel was being filmed. Reynolds claims this was the only time in his career that he had to miss a day of filming, due to sickness or injury. See more »
Goofs
At the beginning of the battle in the woods, the archers are commanded "Fire!" The correct command is "Loose!" See more »
Quotes
[first lines]
Muriella:
I knew you'd come.
Gallian:
I told you I would.
Muriella:
I mean, I felt it. I felt it before you came.
Gallian:
You are developing your powers well, Muriella. Our time together is paying off!
See more »
Carry the Blessed Home
Performed by Blind Guardian
Music & Lyrics by Hansi Kürsch (as Kürsch) / Andre Olbrich (as Olbrich)
Published by BG Publishing/Warner Chappell
Courtesy of Nuclear Blast See more »
We went to this film intentionally (knowing its reputation) as a means of escaping a really busy and stressful Friday. We don't recommend the film to anyone with serious cinematic intentions, However, as kitsch this film almost succeeds. So, OK, we tried to come home and convince our "knowing" kids that "In the name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" was worth the Friday opener vote, but broke down laughing about five minutes into our rave when they just were not having any of it.
So let me add a few cogent notes. For 'entertainment' value, given what we were looking for after a long Friday, we were very satisfied, though we worried at times that our guffaws and groans, and open commentary, might have disturbed some of the other 30 or so people in the theater (but for their own laughing). King Burt Reynolds? Oh well. We have to admit that Ray Liotta's "Goodfellas" reprise as an evil mage was the most amazing thing we've seen since Jack Lemmon's service as Horatio in Branagh's "Hamlet." Of course, this mention of Uwe Boll's effort alongside Kenneth Branagh is totally appropriate, except that Branagh's "Hamlet" had little entertainment value of any kind. School is still out on which of these two can make the worst film of a decade.
If Matthew Lillard's over-the-top contributions to "In the name o..." (which is all of the title that fits on the ticket marquee at the theater) served well in a film with vine dangling amazons, synchronized ninja archers, prolonged out-of-focus long shots, granular irrational close-ups, and some of the most inane dialog in the history of film, one wondered in that case why Scooby Doo didn't put in a cameo in one of the dungeon or castle scenes.
Nonetheless, many of the second tier characters were convincing and well acted, amidst all the mish-mosh of incongruous effects and disaffects. So there were moments when one, though not entirely forgetting how bad this film was, felt sorry for many of those who found themselves in it. Or should they all have known better?
But laugh! Oh my, did we laugh, to the extent that it became uncomfortable laughing at a screen strewn with dead bodies and actors struggling for motivation. Oh, we could have seen high drama or thought-provoking art, but this way our Friday night was pure poetry...
the dungeon it was dark and dank the bodies in a pile and there atop the smelly heap was Ray Liotta's smile.
his polyester wizard suit bespoke a man with guile but then behind a squeaky line was Ray Liotta's smile
when Uwe Boll directs a film the casting's done with style that's why for evil, nothing's like sweet Ray Liotta's smile
and though we hoot and holler at such feckless goofy bile now laughing all the way to bank is Ray Liotta's smile
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We went to this film intentionally (knowing its reputation) as a means of escaping a really busy and stressful Friday. We don't recommend the film to anyone with serious cinematic intentions, However, as kitsch this film almost succeeds. So, OK, we tried to come home and convince our "knowing" kids that "In the name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" was worth the Friday opener vote, but broke down laughing about five minutes into our rave when they just were not having any of it.
So let me add a few cogent notes. For 'entertainment' value, given what we were looking for after a long Friday, we were very satisfied, though we worried at times that our guffaws and groans, and open commentary, might have disturbed some of the other 30 or so people in the theater (but for their own laughing). King Burt Reynolds? Oh well. We have to admit that Ray Liotta's "Goodfellas" reprise as an evil mage was the most amazing thing we've seen since Jack Lemmon's service as Horatio in Branagh's "Hamlet." Of course, this mention of Uwe Boll's effort alongside Kenneth Branagh is totally appropriate, except that Branagh's "Hamlet" had little entertainment value of any kind. School is still out on which of these two can make the worst film of a decade.
If Matthew Lillard's over-the-top contributions to "In the name o..." (which is all of the title that fits on the ticket marquee at the theater) served well in a film with vine dangling amazons, synchronized ninja archers, prolonged out-of-focus long shots, granular irrational close-ups, and some of the most inane dialog in the history of film, one wondered in that case why Scooby Doo didn't put in a cameo in one of the dungeon or castle scenes.
Nonetheless, many of the second tier characters were convincing and well acted, amidst all the mish-mosh of incongruous effects and disaffects. So there were moments when one, though not entirely forgetting how bad this film was, felt sorry for many of those who found themselves in it. Or should they all have known better?
But laugh! Oh my, did we laugh, to the extent that it became uncomfortable laughing at a screen strewn with dead bodies and actors struggling for motivation. Oh, we could have seen high drama or thought-provoking art, but this way our Friday night was pure poetry...
the dungeon it was dark and dank the bodies in a pile and there atop the smelly heap was Ray Liotta's smile.
his polyester wizard suit bespoke a man with guile but then behind a squeaky line was Ray Liotta's smile
when Uwe Boll directs a film the casting's done with style that's why for evil, nothing's like sweet Ray Liotta's smile
and though we hoot and holler at such feckless goofy bile now laughing all the way to bank is Ray Liotta's smile