Mr. Edward Magorium: [to Molly, about dying] When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.
[pause, walks over to Molly]
Mr. Edward Magorium: I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."
Molly Mahoney: [starting to sob] I love you.
Mr. Edward Magorium: I love you, too.
[picks Molly up, sighs heavily]
Mr. Edward Magorium: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.
Mr. Edward Magorium: 37 seconds.
Molly Mahoney: Great. Well done. Now we wait.
Mr. Edward Magorium: No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.
Mr. Edward Magorium: We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery
Mr. Edward Magorium: I fell so completely in love with these shoes, I bought enough pairs to last my whole lifetime. This is my last pair.
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Name the Fibonacci series from its eleventh to its sixteenth.
Henry Weston: Umm... 89, 144, 233, 377, 610?
Mr. Edward Magorium: Perfect. Number four, do we really need it?
Henry Weston: If you like squares - you do.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Oh, I like squares. Good. Now, the hot dog, the hot dog/bun ratio, why for the love of mustard are there never enough buns?
Henry Weston: Extra hot dogs...
Mr. Edward Magorium: Yes, but why?
Henry Weston: In case you drop a couple.
Mr. Edward Magorium: What kind of insufferable fool drops a hot dog?
Henry Weston: Anything can happen, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Anything can happen. How absolutely true. You're exactly the mutant I'm looking for! You're hired.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Unlikely adventures require unlikely tools.
Molly Mahoney: I'm stuck!
Mr. Edward Magorium: Oh, to my floor?
Molly Mahoney: No, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Then what?
Molly Mahoney: Like a person. You remember when I was a little girl and I could play Rahmaninov's Second Piano Concerto and everyone was talking about my potential?
Mr. Edward Magorium: Mhm.
Molly Mahoney: Well, I am 23 now and everyone's still talking about my potential but if you ask em to play the song I know best... I'll still play Rachmaninov's Second.
Mr. Edward Magorium: May I suggest you stun the world with Molly Mahoney's First?
Molly Mahoney: i knew it. As soon as I saw that suit.
Henry Weston: Knew what?
Molly Mahoney: You're a 'just' guy.
Henry Weston: What's a 'just' guy?
Molly Mahoney: A guy just like you. Same hair, same suit, same shoes, walks around, no matter what, you think it's all just a store, it's just a bench, it's just a tree. It's just what it is, nothing more!
Henry Weston: Alright but, but this
[looks over his shoulder]
Henry Weston: is just a store.
Molly Mahoney: I'm sure to you... it is.
Molly Mahoney: He's 242 years old and...
Mr. Edward Magorium: I am not 242! I'm 243! You were at my birthday party. You brought me balloons.
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: [while narrating] What Mahoney needed was the opportunity to prove to herself that she was something more than she believed.
Henry Weston: You know, some people... send flowers, or cards, or... give people hugs. I... make sure their paper work's all in order. I thought I'd try something different.
Mr. Edward Magorium: I've hired an accountant.
Molly Mahoney: A what?
Mr. Edward Magorium: An accountant. According to the word, it must be a cross between a counter and a mutant and that may be precisely what we need.
Henry Weston: You have a tenant living in your basement?
Mr. Edward Magorium: He was born there, I can't very well ask him to leave.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Most of these are important papers... and some of them might be doodles I never had framed... I can't tell the difference in them.
Mr. Edward Magorium: A stroke, you unbrookable ninny. The only stroke I have ever had is one of genius.
Molly Mahoney: [after they have set all the clocks forward in a shop to strike noon at the same time] Now we wait.
Mr. Edward Magorium: No. We Breathe. We Pulse. We Regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. Thirty-seven seconds, well used, is a lifetime.
Molly Mahoney: Mr. Magorian, I asked the big book for a lollipop and I got a lemur!
Mr. Edward Magorium: A lemur? We don't even carry lemurs! I'm not even sure I know what a lemur is! Wait, is that that small primate-looking thing?
Mr. Edward Magorium: Mutant, have you come to take me up on my hula hoop challenge?
Mr. Edward Magorium: Hey, pants!
Molly Mahoney: What about them?
Mr. Edward Magorium: Nothing, just
Mr. Edward Magorium: pants!
Molly Mahoney: [dances] Me too!
Doctor: What are you doing?
Mr. Edward Magorium: I'm practicing the euphonium.
Doctor: The what?
Mr. Edward Magorium: I'm thinking of giving a concert in the psyche ward tomorrow.
Henry Weston: How can a store throw a temper tantrum?
Mr. Edward Magorium: It's a magical toystore, it can do all sorts of things.
Henry Weston: When you say magical, do you mean special?
Molly Mahoney: Magical.
Henry Weston: What about... really really cool?
Molly Mahoney: MAGICAL!
Molly Mahoney: So, did you get any friends at camp?
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: Yeah... um... Jeff.
Molly Mahoney: Is Jeff real?
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: Yeah... sure.
Molly Mahoney: Is he an animal?
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: He was a squirrel.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Why are you lying?
Molly Mahoney: I have to.
Mr. Edward Magorium: But your pants will catch on fire...
Eddie, the Dentist: I don't know how to catch a lemur, I'm a dentist.
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: I don't know how to catch a lemur, I'm nine!
[holds out her hand to a full shopping bag]
Molly Mahoney: Come on, get out of there!
[a blue ball flies out of the bag and into her hand]
Molly Mahoney: Bouncy balls. Always tryin' to escape.
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: My hat's stuck.
Molly Mahoney: Ha... looks like you're gonna need a ladder.
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: Naah. I just need to jump higher.
Molly Mahoney: Eric... that's seven feet, at least.
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: Seven feet? Really?
Molly Mahoney: At least.
Eric Applebaum, the Hat Collector: You think I should get a running start?
Molly Mahoney: Sir...
Mr. Edward Magorium: Don't you agree, Mahoney?
Molly Mahoney: Um, not exactly, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Perfect!
Mr. Edward Magorium: I've been inventing toys since the 1770's.
Henry Weston: What, excuse me...
Mr. Edward Magorium: Yes?
Henry Weston: You say 1770's?
Mr. Edward Magorium: Yes, sir, so you can imagine accounting is a brand new concept to me.
Henry Weston: You know, that would make you at least 240 years old, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: You're already hired, mutant, there's no need to show off.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Pretty impressive ball isn't it? Impossible to dodge.
Molly Mahoney: Mutant, When you look at me, what do you see?
Henry Weston: Really pretty eyes?
Molly Mahoney: [laughs] No... I mean... like, do you see a sparkle?
Henry Weston: You mean now, like a glitter... on your face?
Molly Mahoney: No, like a sparkle.
Henry Weston: What kind of sparkle?
Molly Mahoney: Like, something reflective of something bigger that's trying to get out. You know what? Never mind.
Henry Weston: It might not be so much of a sparkle... maybe a twinkle?
Molly Mahoney: Forget it.
Henry Weston: A glint?
Molly Mahoney: It's ok.
Henry Weston: Ah... you've got that thing that you do with your hands...
Molly Mahoney: That's a quirk.
Henry Weston: A quirk's not a sparkle?
Molly Mahoney: uh uh.
Henry Weston: Oh...
Molly Mahoney: Yeah...