Johnny Depp: Jack Sparrow
[Barbossa is giving orders and Jack repeats the order]
Barbossa : What are you doin'?
Jack Sparrow : What are *you* doin'?
Barbossa : No, what *are* you doin'?
Jack Sparrow : What are *you* doin'?
Barbossa : *No!* What *are* you doin'?
Jack Sparrow : What are *you* doin'? Captain gives orders on the ship.
Barbossa : The captain of the ship *is* givin' orders.
Jack Sparrow : My ship, makes me captain.
Barbossa : They be my charts!
Jack Sparrow : Well, that makes you
Jack Sparrow : chartman.
Pintel : Stow it! Both of you! That's an order! Understand?
[Jack and Barbossa stare at him]
Pintel : Sorry. I just thought with the Captain issue in doubt, I'd throw my name in for consideration, sorry.
Ragetti : [to Pintel] I'd vote for you.
Barbossa : [Jack and Barbossa see the dead Kraken] Still thinkin' of running, Jack? Think you can outrun the world? You know the problem with being the last of anything, by and by there be none left at all.
Jack Sparrow : Sometimes things come back mate. We're livin' proof, you and me.
Barbossa : Aye, but that's a gamble of long odds, ain't it? There's never a guarantee of comin' back. But passin' on, that's dead certain.
Jack Sparrow : Summoning the brethren court then, is it?
Barbossa : It's our only hope, lad.
Jack Sparrow : That's a sad commentary in and of itself.
Barbossa : The world used to be a bigger place.
Jack Sparrow : World's still the same. There's just less in it.
Lord Cutler Beckett : [Jack is about to light a cannon that's pointed at the mast] You're mad.
Jack Sparrow : Thank goodness for that, 'cause if I wasn't this would probably never work.
[fires the cannon, which catapults him onto his ship, landing safely on his feet behind his crew]
Jack Sparrow : And that was without even a single drop of rum.
Jack Sparrow : Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!
Gibbs : Jack! The world needs you back something fierce!
Will Turner : Cutler Beckett has the heart of Davy Jones, he controls the Flying Dutchman.
Elizabeth Swann : He's taking over the sea!
Tia Dalma : The song has already been sung! The brethren court is called!
Jack Sparrow : I leave you people alone for just a minute and look what happens, everything's gone to pot!
Jack Sparrow : I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.
Jack Sparrow : He needs the Pearl. Captain Turner needs the Pearl,
Jack Sparrow : [to Elizabeth] and you felt guilty,
Jack Sparrow : [to Barbossa] and you and your Brethren Court.
Jack Sparrow : Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?
[Everyone looks around. Pintel, Ragetti, and Jack the Monkey cautiously raise their hands]
Jack Sparrow : I'm standing over there with them.
Jack Sparrow : Why should I sail with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past... one of you succeeded.
[looks at Elizabeth; Will looks at her; she looks around, guiltily]
Jack Sparrow : Oh, she's not told you. You'll have loads to talk about while you're here.
Jack Sparrow : [to Tia Dalma] As for you...
Tia Dalma : Now, don't tell me you didn't enjoy it at the time.
Jack Sparrow : Fair enough. You're in.
[begins going down the line of pirates on the beach]
Jack Sparrow : [to Ragetti] Don't need you, you scare me. Gibbs, you can come. Marty, Cotton... Cotton's parrot, I'm a little iffy... At least I'll have someone to talk to.
[to Tai Huang]
Jack Sparrow : Who are you?
Tai Huang : Tai Huang. These are my men.
Jack Sparrow : Where does your allegiance lie?
Tai Huang : With the highest bidder.
Jack Sparrow : I have a ship.
Tai Huang : That makes you the highest bidder.
Jack Sparrow : Good man. Weigh anchor, all hands! Prepare to make sail!
[takes out compass]
Cotton's Parrot : Weigh anchor!
Barbossa : [pats the charts in his hands] Jack... Which way ya goin', Jack?
Jack Sparrow : Cuttlefish. Eh? Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish... flipping glorious little sausages. Pen them up together, and they will devour each other without a second thought... Human nature, in'it? Ooor... fish nature... So yes... we could hold up here, well-provisioned and well-armed, and half of us would be dead within the month! Which seems grim to me any way you slice it! Or... ahh... as my learned colleague so naively suggests, we can release Calypso, and we can pray that she will be merciful... I rather doubt it. Can we, in fact, pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath no? We cannot. Res ipsa loquitur, tabula in naufragio, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth... Captain Swann. We must fight.
Jack Sparrow : Now we're being followed by rocks. Never had that one before.
Jack Sparrow : Done?
Lord Cutler Beckett : Done. Although if I kill you, then I can use the compass to find my way to Shipwreck Cove.
[raises his gun]
Lord Cutler Beckett : Cut out the middle man, as it were.
Jack Sparrow : Without me, you'd arrive at the Cove and find it a fortress, nigh-impregnable, able to withstand a blockade for years. Then you'll be wishing "Oh, if only there was someone I hadn't killed inside, to make sure the pirates come OUTside..."
Lord Cutler Beckett : And you can do this?
Jack Sparrow : You may kill me, but you can never insult me. Who am I?
[Beckett falters, confused]
Jack Sparrow : [put out] I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!
Jack Sparrow : We must fight... to run away!
Gibbs : Your carriage waits, my lady! The oars are inside.
[Elizabeth bids her pirate friends farewell]
Ragetti : 'Bye, poppet.
Barbossa : MRS. Turner...
Elizabeth Swann : Jack... it would never have worked between us.
Jack Sparrow : Keep telling yourself that, darling.
[Elizabeth steps forward to kiss Jack]
Jack Sparrow : Once was quite enough!
Elizabeth Swann : Thank you.
Captain Chevalle : There has not been a king since the first brethren court, and that is not likely to change!
Captain Teague : Not likely.
Elizabeth Swann : Why not?
Gibbs : Because the pirate king is elected by popular vote...
Barbossa : ...and each pirate only votes for himself
Jack Sparrow : I call for a vote.
[Barbossa rolls his eyes as Captain Teague starts playing the guitar]
Captain Ammand : I vote for Ammand, the Corsair!
Captain Chevalle : Captain Chevalle, the penniless Frenchman!
Mistress Ching : Mistress Ching!
Captain Jocard : Gentleman Jocard.
Elizabeth Swann : Elizabeth Swann.
Barbossa : Barbossa.
Captain Vallenueva : Villanueva!
[Captain Teague stops playing his guitar]
Jack Sparrow : Elizabeth Swann.
[the court begins to yell]
Elizabeth Swann : What?
Jack Sparrow : I know. Curious, isn't it?
Jack Sparrow : [examining the map] Up is down. That's just maddeningly unhelpful. Why are these things never clear?
Miniature Jack 1 : [voice] Clear as mud, Jackie...
Jack Sparrow : What? Eh?
Miniature Jack 1 : [appearing from Jack's left dreadlocks] Stab the heart.
Miniature Jack 2 : [appearing from Jack's right dreadlocks] Don't stab the heart.
Jack Sparrow : Come again?
Miniature Jack 2 : The Dutchman must have a captain...
Jack Sparrow : Well that's even more than less than unhelpful.
Miniature Jack 1 : Sail the seas for eternity.
Jack Sparrow : [smiling] I love the sea...
Miniature Jack 2 : What about port?
Jack Sparrow : I prefer rum... Rum's good.
Miniature Jack 2 : Making port, where we can get rum and sultry wenches... once every ten years.
Miniature Jack 1 : What'd he say?
Jack Sparrow : Once every ten years.
Miniature Jack 1 : Ten years is a long time, mate.
Jack Sparrow : Even longer, given the deficit of rum.
Miniature Jack 1 : ...But eternity is longer still.
Miniature Jack 2 : And how'll you be spending it? Dead?
Miniature Jack 1 : ...Or not... The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow.
Jack Sparrow : Ooh, I like that.
Miniature Jack 2 : [looking out to the sea] Come sunset and it won't matter.
Jack Sparrow : [realizing] ... Not sunset... Sundown! And Rise... Up!
Jack Sparrow : Send this pestilent, traitorous, cow-hearted, yeasty codpiece to the brig.
[Jack is about to eat a peanut when a shot is heard. He falls to the ground to reveal ANOTHER Jack Sparrow]
Jack Sparrow : [picking up the peanut] MY peanut!
Davy Jones : [upon seeing Elizabeth on the ship] Harridan! You'll see no mercy from me!
Elizabeth Swann : That's why I brought this.
[drawing her sword to fight]
Davy Jones : [Will stabs Davy Jones with a sword from behind] Missed! Did you forget, I'm a heartless wretch!
Davy Jones : [seeing Will looking at Elizabeth] Ah, love; a dreadful bond, and yet, so easily severed. Tell me, William Turner: do you fear death?
Jack Sparrow : Do you?
Davy Jones : [Turns to see Jack holding the heart]
Jack Sparrow : Heady tonic, holding life and death in the palm of one's hand.
Davy Jones : [sneering] You've a cruel mind, Jack Sparrow.
Jack Sparrow : Cruel is a matter of perspective.
Lord Cutler Beckett : Jack, I just remembered... I have this magic compass that points to whatever I want. So what do I need YOU for?
[aims his gun at Sparrow]
Jack Sparrow : It points to the thing you want the most, and that is NOT Shipwreck Cove.
Lord Cutler Beckett : Then what is, Jack?
Jack Sparrow : Me... dead.
[Jack is ushered into Cutler Beckett's study]
Lord Cutler Beckett : [gazing out a window] Curious. Your friends appear to be quite desperate, Jack. Perhaps they no longer believe that a gathering of squabbling pirates can defeat the Flying Dutchman. And so despair leads to betrayal. And you and I are no strangers to betrayal, are we, Jack?
[Jack, who has been looking through various containers, stops and glances at a P mark on his arm]
Lord Cutler Beckett : [turning to face Sparrow] It's not here, Jack.
Jack Sparrow : What? What isn't?
Lord Cutler Beckett : The Heart of Davy Jones is safely aboard the Dutchman, and so unavailable for use as leverage to satisfy your debt to the good Captain.
Jack Sparrow : By my reckoning, that debt has been settled.
Lord Cutler Beckett : By your death... yet here you are.
Jack Sparrow : Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream. That's how I get by.
[Jack confronts himself aboard the Flying Dutchman]
Jack Sparrow : As per the overall plan, you are aboard the Flying Dutchman...
Jack Sparrow : However, there is this little kink of being stuck in the brig...
Jack Sparrow : Go away!
Jack Sparrow : What, back to the Locker?
Jack Sparrow : Not without you, Jackie boy.
Jack Sparrow : [pulling himself out of the boat] Stab the heart... live forever. If you're in the brig... who's to stab the heart?
[Scarlett and Giselle are fighting, Jack watches the Pearl sail away]
Jack Sparrow : Ladies, will you please shut it! Listen to me.
Jack Sparrow : Yes, I lied to you.
Jack Sparrow : No, I don't love you.
Jack Sparrow : Of course it makes you look fat.
Jack Sparrow : I've never been to Brussels.
Jack Sparrow : It is pronounced *egregious*.
Jack Sparrow : By the way, no. I've never actually met Pizarro, but I love his pies.
Jack Sparrow : And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy?
[Giselle slaps him, Scarlett slaps him, he slaps Gibbs]
Jack Sparrow : [airily waving a fan] ... and then you can take care of Barbossa and Turner, specially Turner. The rest go aboard with me to Shipwreck Cove, where I will hand you over the pirates and you will NOT hand me over to Jones.
Lord Cutler Beckett : And what becomes of Miss Swann?
Jack Sparrow : [now serious] What interest is she to you?
[Beckett smiles at Jack's change of mood]
Jack Sparrow : William, have you noticed something? Or rather, have you noticed something that's not there to be noticed?
Will Turner : You haven't raised an alarm.
Jack Sparrow : Odd, isn't it? Not as odd as this...
[referring to Will strapping the dead bodies of East India Co. soldiers to barrels and dropping them overboard]
Jack Sparrow : Come out with all this by your own son, did you?
Jack Sparrow : Mr. Sparrow?
Jack Sparrow : Aye, Captain.
Jack Sparrow : What say you about the conditions of this tack line?
Jack Sparrow : It be proper to my eyes, sir.
Jack Sparrow : Proper? It is neither proper nor suitable, sir. It is not acceptable, nor adequate. It is, in obvious fact, an abomination.
Jack Sparrow : [walking Scarlett and Giselle to the Black Pearl] Granted, it tends to list to port, and has been on occasion known to frighten young women. But I promise you, you will not be disappointed.
Scarlett : [seeing a dinghy instead of the Pearl] Is that it? The Black Pearl. Not very big.
Jack Sparrow : Love, that is a dinghy. My vessel is magnificent and fierce and huge-ish. And gone. Why is it gone?
Giselle : [sees a ship in distance] Is that it there?
Jack Sparrow : Yes, there it is! Why is it there?... It's much larger up close.
Barbossa : [during parlay on sandbar, to Will] You be the cur that led these wolves to our door?
Lord Cutler Beckett : Don't blame Turner, he was merely the tool of your betrayal. If you wish to see its grand architect, look to your left.
Jack Sparrow : [Barbossa, Elizabeth, and Jack look left. Jack looks at Elizabeth] My hands are clean in this, figuratively.
Will Turner : My actions were my own and to my own purpose. Jack had nothing to do with it.
Jack Sparrow : Well spoke, listen to the tool!
[Every pirate on the battlefield glares at Jack Sparrow]
Jack Sparrow : Parley...
Jack Sparrow : Can't spot it. Must be a tiny thing hiding somewhere behind the Pearl.
Will Turner : I said to myself, think like Jack.
Jack Sparrow : This is what you've arrived at? Lead Beckett to Shipwreck Cove so as to gain his trust, accomplish your own ends? It's like you don't know me at all, mate. And how does your dearly beloved feel about this plan? Ah, you've not seen fit to trust her with it.
Jack Sparrow : Why would he do that? Because he's a lummox, isn't he? Well, we shall have a magnificent garden party, and you're not invited!
Jack Sparrow : [to Tia Dalma] You add an agreeable sense of the macabre to any delirium.
Jack Sparrow : If I may lend a machete to your intellectual thicket.
Gibbs : [Jack and Elizabeth climb back onto the Black Pearl] Thank goodness, Jack! The armada's still out there, the Endeavour is coming hard on starboard, and I think its time we embrace that oldest and noblest of pirate traditions.
Jack Sparrow : [looks out towards the Endeavour] Never actually been one for tradition... Close haul her! Luff the sails and lay her in irons!
Barbossa : Belay that, or we'll be a sittin' duck!
Jack Sparrow : Belay that belay that!
Jack Sparrow : [crew starts arguing with him] Belay! Belay! No! Stow! Shut it!
Will Turner : [after Jack suggests that someone else besides Will should kill Davey Jones] Who?
[notices Jack smugly grinning]
Will Turner : You?
Jack Sparrow : Death has a way of reshuffling one's priorities. I slip aboard the Dutchman, find the heart, take it, stab the beating thing, free your father from his debt, and you are free to be with your charming murderess.
Will Turner : And you're willing to cut your heart out? Bind yourself to the Dutchman, forever?
Jack Sparrow : No, mate. I'm free forever. Free to sail the seas beyond the edges of the map, free from death itself.
Will Turner : But you have to do the job, Jack. You have to ferry souls to the next world... or end up like Jones...
[makes a gesture of the tentacles Jones has on his face. Jack cringes and strokes his own beard]
Jack Sparrow : I haven't the face for tentacles. But, immortality has to count for something, eh? Oh...
[hands Will his magic compass]
Will Turner : What's this for?
Jack Sparrow : Think like me. It will come to you.
[leans forward and breathes his rummy breath into Will's face. Will staggers back and falls of the Pearl. Jack sends the last body tied to a barrel overboard next to him as the Pearl sails away]
Jack Sparrow : My regards to Davey Jones!
Will Turner : [pulls himself onto the barrel, glaring at the Pearl and Jack] I hate him!
Jack Sparrow : So what are you proposing?
Lord Cutler Beckett : A new deal. One that requires absolutely nothing from you, but information.
Jack Sparrow : Were I in a divulgatory mood, what were I to divulge?
Lord Cutler Beckett : Everything. Where are they meeting? What are they planning? What is the purpose of the nine pieces of eight?