Slither (2006) Poster


Nathan Fillion: Bill Pardy



  • Kylie Strutemyer : What are we gonna do now?

    Bill Pardy : Probably turn into a couple of these fucked-up things.

    Kylie Strutemyer : That's kinda negative.

    Bill Pardy : Well, it's been that sorta day.

  • Bill Pardy : [sighs to himself]  My easy-going nature is gettin' sorely fuckin' tested.

  • Bill Pardy : Two nights ago, a mare was stolen from this property owned by Fitzgibbon, that rancher with the cleft palate.

    Wally : [mutters to Margaret]  I know that guy, he looks like a chipmunk.

    Bill Pardy : Your momma wasn't too proud when you came out neither, Wally.

  • Jack MacReady : [Jack & Bill are discussing what caused Grant's transformation]  It's obvious the bastard's got Lyme disease!

    Bill Pardy : What?

    Jack MacReady : Lyme disease. You touch some deer feces, and then you... eat a sandwich without washin' your hands. You got your Lyme disease!

    Bill Pardy : And that makes you look like a squid?

  • Jack MacReady : [panicked]  We need to find this Grant, and I mean yesterday. Town council's lit a Roman Candle, stuck it up my ass.

    Bill Pardy : Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business.

  • Bill Pardy : [after seeing a zombie become a part of Grant]  Well, now that is some fucked up shit.

  • Wally : [referring to his crush on Starla]  I'm surprised you're able to lift a mug, you've been carrying that torch for so long.

    Bill Pardy : Oh, that reminds me. There's something I wanted to tell you.

    Wally : What's that?

    Bill Pardy : Fuck you, fatass.

  • Bill Pardy : [to fellow cops]  Alright folks, let's go.

    [Mocking Jack] 

    Bill Pardy : Don't forget your guns; We don't want any lyme disease popping out at us.

    Jack MacReady : [Sarcastic]  Oh, ho ho ho. Ha ha, fuckin' ha!

  • Bill Pardy : Hey Kylie, why don't you tell Ms. Grant that story 'bout how I saved you from that deer?

    Kylie Strutemyer : Oh yeah. Bill saved me from a deer.

    Starla Grant : Oh yeah?

  • Jack MacReady : Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like. Goddamn Brenda exploding like a water balloon, worms driving my friends around like they're goddamn skin-cars, people are spitting acid at me, turning you into cottage cheese, and now there's no fucking goddamn Mr. Pibb?

    Bill Pardy : [sarcastic]  *Jesus Christ*, Jack, let me get right on it!

  • Grant Grant : I've been around a million years! You think you can fuck with me?

    Bill Pardy : Yep.

  • Bill Pardy : Thank you for saving my ass back there.

    Kylie Strutemyer : You're welcome.

    Bill Pardy : Of course, when I tell that story, it's gonna be the other way around.

  • Bill Pardy : [holds up a toy squid from his desk]  What's this?

    Trevor : I thought we could use that like a police sketch, Chief. You know, take it door to door, see if anybody recognizes it.

  • Trevor : [Bill, Margaret and Trevor spot Grant and Starla getting into a car]  That's one match I'll never get.

    Margaret : [zipping Gina Kid's jacket up]  Ain't no mystery. Starla was raised in them shanties off St. Luke, dirt poor. All she ever wanted was to be a lady. Ol' Grant Grant, he's always been made of green.

    Trevor : Gold digger, huh?

    Bill Pardy : Oh, hell, Margaret! Starla's mother left her, her daddy's a drunk, she was 17 years old. Ol' Grant pulls up in a big ol' Cadillac, house on the hill, and college tuition? What would you do?

    Margaret : [Lifting a handkerchief to Gina Kid's nose]  Blow.

    Bill Pardy : Hell, if he had a 'gina, you'd'a married him, too.

    Gina Kid : What's a 'gina'?

    Bill Pardy : [after an awkward pause]  It's a country. You know, where 'Ginese' people come from. Learn to eavesdrop better.

  • Bill Pardy : [to Kylie]  What's with the spitting?

  • Bill Pardy : Grant looks like a squid, don't know where he's gonna hide... Seaworld maybe.

  • Starla Grant : [to a deformed Grant]  I'm gonna stay by you... just like I swore I would. For better or worse.

    Bill Pardy : [Under his breath]  What's fucking worse?

  • Bill Pardy : [In pain]  What was that? That really hurt.

    Kylie Strutemyer : [Pulls the tubule out of his stomach]  You need both of them things in you to get all womby.

    Bill Pardy : Oh, that's... awesome!

  • Bill Pardy : [Bill, Starla, Jack, and Kylie remain silent in the car after narrowly escaping a pack of zombies]  So... how's everybody's evening? Good?

  • Jack MacReady : [referring to Grant]  He's a goddamn Martian?

    Bill Pardy : Martians is from Mars, Jack.

    Jack MacReady : [through gritted teeth]  Or it's a general term meaning 'outer-space fucker'.

    Bill Pardy : No it isn't!

    Jack MacReady : Look it up, cocksucker!

    Starla Grant : Enough!

  • Starla Grant : [Starla & Bill look around at the dead bodies covering Starla's front lawn]  Bet you regret not running off to Hollywood with me now, eh, Bill?

    Bill Pardy : Ah hell, Starla. I always regretted that.

  • Bill Pardy : [Looking at the disemboweled dog]  I reckon Grant ain't got one of them puppy calendars on his desk. Just don't strike me as a real dog lover is all.

    Trevor : Hey!

    [holds up the decapitated head of a dog] 

    Trevor : Look. Knocked this one's head clear on over here.

    Wally : Put that down, numbnuts!

  • Starla Grant : [as Bill goes out where the worms are]  Be careful.

    Bill Pardy : Yeah, there's a thought.

  • Bill Pardy : Shelby, you gonna create a hysteria?

    Shelby : [doesn't look up]  Not today, Bill.

  • [Sheriff Bill Pardy arrives at the Strutemyer home to witness what has transpired] 

    Bill Pardy : Hey!

    [the infected Strutemyers sans Kylie all stop the attack. Kylie, sobbing, escapes the battered truck and runs over to Bill] 

    Bill Pardy : What's going on? What the hell you doing?

    [to Kylie, sobbing] 

    Bill Pardy : Hey, hey, easy, easy, easy.

    [then to Otis] 

    Bill Pardy : What the hell happened to you, Otis?

    Mr. Strutemyer : [looks at his arm]  Poison Ivy out back, maybe.

    Emily Strutemyer , Jenna Strutemyer : [together]  We're itchy.

    Kylie Strutemyer : [to Bill]  No, they're not my parents. They're trying to trick you.

    Bill Pardy : Shh! Shh. Hey...

    Kylie Strutemyer : The worms are in their brains!

    [the infected family walks towards Bill and Kylie] 

    Bill Pardy : All right, look. I- Y'all stay right there on the spot. I'm gonna call the paramedics to come help you and, uh, Kylie's gonna come with me.

  • Bill Pardy : [from trailer]  Don't let them in your mouth!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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