Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) Poster

Jason Schwartzman: Ash



  • Ash : You should probably put your bandit hat on now. Personally, I- I don't have one, but I modified this tube sock.

    [they put on their 'hats'] 

    Kristofferson : We look good.

    Ash : Yeah. We do.

  • Ash : What's that white stuff around his mouth?

    Kylie : I think he eats soap.

    Mr. Fox : That's not soap.

    Kylie : Wha- why does he have that...

    Mr. Fox : He's rabid. With rabies.

  • Beaver's Son : [lays down a box of supplies during a Science lab class]  Why's your cousin such a wet sandwich?

    Kristofferson : I beg your pardon?

    Beaver's Son : What's that mean?

    Kristofferson : That means that I don't understand what you just said. A wet sandwich?

    Beaver's Son : Yeah! A wet sandwich. He's too short, he dresses like a girl, he's

    [makes a motion with his hands] 

    Beaver's Son : different.

    Kristofferson : Are you a bully? You're starting to sound like a bully.

    Beaver's Son : Watch this.

    [he takes a spoonful of yellow powder and drops it into the bubbling liquid over a Bunsen burner; it explodes and covers both of them in the yellow substance] 

    Kristofferson : That's... you just destroyed the whole experiment. We'd better extinguish this magnesium.

    [they raise their safety goggles] 

    Kristofferson : Stand back.

    [Kris sprays the fire with an extinguisher] 

    Agnes : [watching from a few feet away]  Wow.

    Kristofferson : [whistles]  Whew!

    Agnes : [to Kris]  Hmm. I like your ears.

    [gestures to her own] 

    Kristofferson : M... Mine?

    Agnes : Mmhmm.

    Kristofferson : Thank you! I like your... spots.

    Agnes : Really? I used to cover them up, but, you know...

    Ash : Ugh.


    Agnes : Hmm?

    Ash : You're supposed to be *my* lab partner.

    Agnes : I am!

    Ash : No you're not. You're disloyal.

  • Beaver's Son : We don't like you and we hate your dad. Now grab some of that mud, chew it in your mouth, and swallow it.

    Ash : I'm not gonna eat mud!

    Beaver's Son : Cuss yeah you are.

    [he picks up a large glob of mud and shoves it in Ash's face. Ash makes a gagging sound but does not react further] 

    Kristofferson : [takes off his shoes]  Don't do that.

    Beaver's Son : Why'd you take your shoes off?

    Kristofferson : So I don't break your nose when I kick it.

    [he proceeds to take Beaver's son out with some precision karate moves, ending with a throwdown in the mud. Beaver's son walks away quietly sobbing] 

    Ash : I can fight my own fights.

    Kristofferson : [turns to Ash]  No you can't...

  • Ash : There's a lot of attitudes going on around here... don't let me get one.

  • Ash : [Mr. Fox has just lost his tail in the shooting]  It'll grow back, won't it?

    Kylie : Tails don't grow back.

    Ash : Tails don't grow back?

    Kylie : Uh-uh. 'Cept for lizards.

    Mr. Fox : Tails don't grow back. I'm gonna be tail-less for the rest of my life.

    Ash : Well, anyway, it's not half as bad as double pneumonia, right? I mean his dad's got one foot in the grave and three feet on a banana peel. That's a lot worse than just a...

    Kristofferson : [ricochets an acorn around the room, which lands in the teacup he is holding]  Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna go meditate for half an hour.

    [exits quickly] 

    Mrs. Fox : [to Ash]  You have got twenty-nine minutes to come up with a proper apology.

    Ash : Me? ME have an apology? He gets a bandit hat? He just got here, and he gets a bandit hat? Where's MY bandit hat? Why didn't I get shot at? It's because, you... you... you think I'm no good at anything! Well, maybe you're right, thanks.

    [stomps away angrily and slams door upon exit] 

    Kylie : [to Mr. Fox]  Told ya not to bring him.

  • Mr. Fox : The whole time I was putting paw over paw with your mother digging beside me, and I thought to myself: I wonder who this little boy...

    Ash : Or girl!

    Mr. Fox : Right, 'cause at the time we didn't know. I wonder who this little boy or girl is gonna be? Ash, I'm so glad he was you.

  • Mr. Fox : I spotted a couple of broken burglar bars underneath the back door to Bean's secret cider cellar.

    Kylie : We're breaking into Bean's *house*?

    Mr. Fox : Cellar.

    Kylie : Where he *lives*?

    Mr. Fox : Where he keeps the cider.

    Ash : [appears behind them]  *Below* where he lives.

    Mr. Fox : [takes]  Where'd you come from? Why don't you go back to the tree and do your homework?

    Ash : I want to help you steal some cider.

    Mr. Fox : *We're* going to a *book* party, and keep your mouth shut about any cider, because no one ever said that! Now get out of here!

    Ash : But, ah...

    Mr. Fox : But nothing! You're gonna get me in a lot of trouble! Besides, you're too little and uncoordinated.

    [Ash frowns, twitches, and spits] 

    Mr. Fox : One, two, three!

    [Mr. Fox points in the direction of the tree. Ash stomps off, growling] 

  • Ash : Can I ask you a question?

    Kristofferson : You may.

    Ash : What's the point of sitting on the floor with your legs twisted into a pretzel talking to yourself for an hour and forty-five minutes? It's - it's weird.

    Kristofferson : My father and I first started practicing meditation together when I was...

    Ash : Yeah? Well, that's great. But I worry more about what that does for your reputation than whether or not you have beagle ticks or not.

    Kristofferson : I don't. Nor pelt lice.

  • Ash : [points to a sign Agnes carries]  What's that stand for?

    Agnes : Huh? It's for, uh, it's for pep... pep.

    Ash : It's a K.

    Coach Skip : [runs into frame, grabs a bottle from the cooler; to players]  Come on, now! Look alive!

    [to score-keeper] 

    Coach Skip : 'Atta boy.

    [runs out of frame] 

    Agnes : [to Ash, about Kristofferson]  We're going steady.

    [Ash exclaims angrily] 

  • Kristofferson : Uh, do you mind if I slide my bed roll slightly out from under the train set? It's hard to sleep in that corkscrew position.

    Ash : [in the top bunk]  There's a lot of attitudes going on around here. Don't let me get one.

    Kristofferson : No, it's only just my spinal cord getting...

    Ash : Sleep wherever you want, man. Here, take my bed! I'll just uh... I'll crawl under the bookcase! Who cares if I get splinters in my ears?

    Kristofferson : Never mind.

    Ash : Oh, you gonna pout about it? 'Cuz I've had it up to HERE

    [gestures with his hand] 

    Ash : with the "sad houseguest" routine.

    [Ash turns off the light and continues to read his White Cape comic in bed] 

    Kristofferson : Good night.

    [he lies down under the train set and begins to quietly sob; Ash comes down, turns on the train, Kris gets up and they watch it] 

  • Mr. Fox : Ash, are you mad at me? I understand if you are and I'm sorry; I wouldn't have ever involved your cousin if I had realized you would feel this way. It was only ever just because he's kind of a natural... I mean... I mean look at him dig!

    [View changes to Kristofferson, Kylie and Mrs. Fox digging, with Kristofferson leading with athletic determination, then switches back] 

    Mr. Fox : Anyway, I'm sorry if you feel any...

    Ash : [as he shoves dirt in his ears]  You know what? I'm just gonna put dirt in my ears. Ow... That's better. I can't hear you now, but keep talking.

  • Mr. Fox : Alright, let's start planning. Who knows shorthand?

    [Linda raises her hand] 

    Mr. Fox : Great! Linda! Lutra Lutra - you got some dry paper?

    [she holds up some paper] 

    Mr. Fox : Here we go. Mole! Talpa Europea! What d'you got?

    Mole : I can see in the dark.

    Mr. Fox : That's incredible! We can use that! Linda?

    Linda Otter : Got it.

    Mr. Fox : Rabbit! Oryctolagus Cuniculus!

    Rabbit : I'm fast.

    Mr. Fox : You bet you are. Linda?

    Linda Otter : Got it.

    Mr. Fox : Beaver! Castor Fiber!

    Beaver : I can chew through wood.

    Mr. Fox : Amazing! Linda!

    Linda Otter : Got it.

    Mr. Fox : Badger! Meles Meles!

    Badger : Demolitions expert.

    Mr. Fox : What? Since when?

    Badger : Explosions! Flames! Burning things!

    Mr. Fox : Demolitions expert! OK! Linda?

    Linda Otter : Got it.

    Mr. Fox : [grabs Weasel]  WEASEL! MUSTELA NIVALIS!

    Weasel : Stop yelling!

    Mr. Fox : Ha! Ha-ha! Whoo! Okay. Ash, you and Agnes team up with these little kids and form some KP unit to keep this sewer clean. It's good for morale.

    Ash : Done.

    [turns to Agnes] 

    Ash : What's KP?

    Agnes : I think it means janitors.

    [Ash spits] 

    Field Mouse : Hey-hey! I wanna go with you! I wanna fight!

    Mr. Fox : Good, fabulous! Microtus pennsylvanicus!

    [the field mouse laughs] 

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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