Casanova

[Casanova enters the confessional and crosses himself]

Giacomo Casanova: Bless me father, for I have sinned. Again. Um, I don't know where to start, um. It's money, father, er, love of money is a sin, isn't it?

Priest: A grave sin.

Giacomo Casanova: I, I don't love it as such, but I need it, is that a sin?

Priest: In too great a measure then, yes.

Giacomo Casanova: It's not for me. You see, there's this woman, um, and I suppose you can include lustful thoughts while you're at it...

[the priest nods]

Giacomo Casanova: Er, there's this woman, but she's engaged, and all this went on behind her fiancé's back. Um, not literally.

[remembering]

Giacomo Casanova: Although I have actually done that... But anyway, um, first of all I was with another woman, and I slept with her, sorry, er, well, I slept with her lots of times so, very sorry. Um, but before that she was a man. I was going to sleep with a man, sorry. But it turned out she had a false penis down her trousers.

[the Priest clutches at his heart]

Giacomo Casanova: So, I slept with her, without the false penis obviously, um,

[dreamily]

Giacomo Casanova: although we did find a way of using it... But never mind that. You see, I, I was just trying to be honest, like the sisters told me, um. Oh yeah, two sisters. I slept with them, both at the same time, er, er, lots of times, I suppose I should, I should mention that.

Priest: [clutching at his heart] Oh dear God!

Giacomo Casanova: I know, I know, but at least I didn't sleep with their mother.

[Remembering]

Giacomo Casanova: Although I have actually done that, um, I suppose you should put that on the list. Two sisters, and a mother, and... oh and those nuns... two nuns, you might know them.

[the Priest keels over]

Giacomo Casanova: So, all in all, it's been a bit of a time, really, and I've ended up penniless. So, what do you think I should do, father?

[Silence]

Giacomo Casanova: Father? Father?