Employee of the Month (2006) Poster

Harland Williams: Russell



  • Russell : You're like the drummer from REO Speedwagon. Nobody knows who you are.

  • Russell : Check it out guy, he's the alpha male of the store... chicks always go after the alpha male, they're like lions... kings of the desert. And you, you're just a little tiny fieldmouse dangling in the teeth of the lion while he's banging your chick. Oh wait a minute... boxboy, you're like the little hairy nutsack on the little hairy fieldmouse swinging back and forth while he's banging your chick...

    Zack : [on radio]  You're metaphors are magical, but shut the hell up! please?

    Russell : [on radio]  Roger... just going back and forth hairy calahari style in and out with his big...

  • Russell : Oh yeah, that picture goes up on the wall she slides into the sack faster than a singed Koala bear looking for an all night burn center.

  • Russell : Jesus Christ. Where the hell are we, Chuck E. Cheese-istian?

  • Russell : Think about it guys, we could be working over there at Maxi-Mart and that place really sucks. Pass me the chips there, eight balls.

    [Iqbal passes a bulk size bag of chips] 

    Lon : Plus, I hear they make you wear those house-arrest ankle bracelet things, so they know where you are all the time and if you leave the main floor, you get a little shocker.

    [Lon blows a party kazoo] 

    Russell : True. I knew a guy in upper management, man, went crazy. Strapped one of those things around his hairy ballsack, ran out in the parking lot and blew a three dollar Hawaiian wonder cooler all over the place.

    Iqbal : Ids-kay, ids-kay.

    Russell : Knocked the little Korean kid right out of shopping basket.

See also

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