- [last lines]
- Optimus Prime: With the All Spark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward: a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars. We are here. We are waiting.
- [first lines]
- Optimus Prime: Before time began, there was the Cube. We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the power to create worlds and fill them with life. That is how our race was born. For a time, we lived in harmony. But like all great power, some wanted it for good, others for evil. And so began the war. A war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death, and the Cube was lost to the far reaches of space. We scattered across the galaxy, hoping to find it and rebuild our home. Searching every star, every world. And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us to an unknown planet called... Earth.
- [the All Spark falls to Earth]
- Optimus Prime: But we were already too late...
- Ironhide: You have a rodent infestation.
- Sam Witwicky: A what?
- Ironhide: [aiming cannons at Mojo] Shall I terminate?
- Sam Witwicky: No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas.
- Ironhide: He's leaked lubricants all over my foot! Hmmph!
- Sam Witwicky: He peed on you? Bad Mojo! Bad!
- Ironhide: Bad Mojo! Ugh, my foot's gonna rust...
- [Captain Lennox is trying to call the Pentagon while his men fight Scorponok]
- Captain Lennox: I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
- USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: Pocket!
- Captain Lennox: Which pocket?
- USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: MY BACK POCKET!
- Captain Lennox: You got like ten back pockets!
- USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK!
- Judy Witwicky: [barging into Sam's bedroom, her husband in tow] Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?
- Ron Witwicky: Judy...
- Sam Witwicky: [frantic] Was I master... No, Mom!
- Ron Witwicky: Zip it, okay?
- Judy Witwicky: It's okay...
- Sam Witwicky: No, I don't masturbate!
- Ron Witwicky: That's not something for you to bring up.
- Judy Witwicky: Okay.
- Ron Witwicky: That's a father-and-son thing, okay?
- Sam Witwicky: Father-son thing...
- Judy Witwicky: I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable... you can call it Sam's happy time or...
- Sam Witwicky: [amazed] Happy time?
- Judy Witwicky: ...my special alone time...
- Ron Witwicky: Judy, stop!
- Judy Witwicky: ...with myself.
- Sam Witwicky: Mom, you can't come in and...
- Judy Witwicky: I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.
- Ironhide: Why are we fighting to save the humans? They're a primitive and violent race.
- Optimus Prime: Were we so different? They're a young species. They have much to learn. But I've seen goodness in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. You all know there's only one way to end this war: we must destroy the Cube. If all else fails, I will unite it with the spark in my chest.
- Ratchet: That's suicide! The Cube is raw power, it could destroy you both!
- Optimus Prime: A necessary sacrifice to bring peace to this planet. We cannot let the humans pay for our mistakes. It's been an honor serving with you all.
- [Bumblebee, with Sam and Mikaela inside, is being chased by Barricade]
- Mikaela: Oh, God! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!
- Sam Witwicky: No, we're not. No, we're not gonna die. Trust me. He's a kick-ass driver!
- [Bumblebee heads towards a wall]
- Sam Witwicky: [high-pitched scream] Oh, my God! No! We're gonna die!
- Sam Witwicky: [looking up at Bumblebee] Can you talk?
- Bumblebee: [through his radio] "XM Satellite One"..."Digital Cable brings you"..."Columbia Broadcasting System"...
- Sam Witwicky: So, you... so you talk through the radio?
- Bumblebee: [clapping his hands] "Thank you, you're beautiful! You're wonderful, you're wonderful."
- Sam Witwicky: So what was that last night? What was that?
- Bumblebee: [pointing skywards] "Message from Starfleet, Captain"..."Throughout the inanimate vastness of space"..."And angels will rain down like visitors from Heaven! Hallelujah!"
- Mikaela: Visitors from heaven... so you're, like, an alien?
- [Bumblebee points a finger at her and nods, and converts into a Camaro]
- Bumblebee: "Any more questions you want to ask?"
- Sam Witwicky: He wants us to get in the car.
- Mikaela: [laughing nervously] And go where?
- Sam Witwicky: Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?
- Optimus Prime: My weapons specialist: Ironhide.
- Ironhide: [drawing his guns] You feelin' lucky, punk?
- Optimus Prime: Easy, Ironhide...
- Ironhide: [retracts his guns] Just kidding. I just wanted to show him my cannons.
- Barricade: Are you username: LadiesMan217?
- Sam Witwicky: I don't know what you're talking about!
- Barricade: ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217?
- Sam Witwicky: Yeah...
- Barricade: Where is the eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?
- Mikaela: Why are you here?
- Optimus Prime: We are here looking for the All Spark. And we must find it before Megatron.
- Sam Witwicky: Mega-what?
- [Prime projects a holographic view of Cybertron]
- Optimus Prime: Our planet was once a powerful empire, peaceful and just, until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the All Spark was lost to the stars. Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him...
- Sam Witwicky: My grandfather.
- Optimus Prime: It was an accident that intertwined our fates.
- [Captain Witwicky discovers Megatron in the ice]
- Optimus Prime: Megatron crash-landed before he could retrieve the Cube.
- [the Captain fiddles with Megatron's gears, causing a bright light to strike him...]
- Optimus Prime: He accidentally activated his navigation system. The coordinates to the Cube's location on Earth were imprinted on his glasses.
- Sam Witwicky: How did you know about his glasses?
- Optimus Prime: eBay.
- Sam Witwicky: eBay...
- Ratchet: If the Decepticons find the All Spark, they will use its power to transform Earth's machines and build a new army.
- Optimus Prime: And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival.
- Mikaela: Please tell me that you have those glasses?
- Ron Witwicky: [drives past a Porsche dealer] I've got a little surprise for you, son.
- Sam Witwicky: No, no, no, no! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
- Ron Witwicky: Yeah, I am. You're not getting a Porsche!
- [laughs]
- Megatron: Humans don't deserve to live!
- Optimus Prime: They deserve to choose for themselves!
- Megatron: Then you will die with them!
- [throws Prime away and primes his cannon]
- Megatron: JOIN THEM IN EXTINCTION!
- Sam Witwicky: Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.
- Sheriff: It just stood up? Wow. That's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up...
- [hands Sam a container and a tissue]
- Sheriff: And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?
- Sam Witwicky: No, I'm not on any drugs!
- Sheriff: What's these?
- [shows Sam a bottle of pills]
- Sheriff: Found it in your pocket. "Mojo". Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?
- Sam Witwicky: Those are my dog's pain pills.
- Ron Witwicky: You know, a Chihauhua. A little...
- Sheriff: [annoyed] What was that?
- Sam Witwicky: Hmm?
- Sheriff: You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?
- [leans over Sam]
- Sheriff: Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up.
- Sam Witwicky: [whispers] Are you on drugs?
- Optimus Prime: It's you and me, Megatron...
- Megatron: No, it's just ME, Prime!
- Optimus Prime: At the end of this day, one shall stand, one shall fall!
- Megatron: You still fight for the weak! That is why you lose!
- Sam Witwicky: So...
- Maggie Madsen: What'd they get you for?
- Sam Witwicky: I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot.
- Glen: [whispered] Wow.
- Sam Witwicky: Who knew?
- Bobby Bolivia: [about the Camaro] I'll let you have it for $5,000.
- Ron Witwicky: No, I'm not going above $4,000.
- Bobby Bolivia: The door just closed.
- [turns to Sam]
- Bobby Bolivia: Get out of the car.
- Sam Witwicky: Wait a minute? I thought you said "the car chooses its owner.",
- Bobby Bolivia: Yeah, well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father!
- Optimus Prime: Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendent of Archibald Witwicky?
- Mikaela: They know your name!
- Sam Witwicky: Yeah.
- Optimus Prime: My name is Optimus Prime. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron.
- Ratchet: But you can call us "Autobots", for short.
- Bumblebee: [fully repaired] Permission to speak, sir?
- Optimus Prime: Permission granted, old friend.
- Sam Witwicky: You speak now?
- Bumblebee: I wish to stay with the boy.
- Optimus Prime: If that is his choice.
- Sam Witwicky: Yes.
- [Keller enters the FBI interrogation room]
- Maggie Madsen: What's going on?
- Keller: You're coming with me. You're going to be my advisor.
- Glen Whitmann: Me, too?
- Keller: Who's this?
- Maggie Madsen: He's... MY advisor.
- Keller: He comes too.
- Trent: You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?
- Sam Witwicky: Oh, no, no, that... No. That, that wasn't like a real try-out. I was researching a book I was writing.
- Trent: Oh, yeah?
- Sam Witwicky: Yeah!
- Trent: [grinning] Yeah? What's it about? Sucking at sports?
- Sam Witwicky: [laughs a little] No, it's about the link between brain damage and football.
- [Trent looks really angry, while Mikaela hides a smile]
- Sam Witwicky: [nods head] No, it... it's a good book. Your friends will love it. You know, it's got mazes in it and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures. It's... a lot of fun.
- [Ratchet runs into power lines, shocking him and causing a tremor throughout the neighborhood]
- Ron Witwicky: [crawling under a table] Earthquake! Earthquake! Judy, get under the table!
- Judy Witwicky: How did you get over there so fast?
- [Outside, a dazed Ratchet staggers to his feet]
- Ratchet: Wow... that was tingly! You gotta try that!
- Ironhide: [sarcastic] Yeah, that looks fun...
- Frenzy: [reporting to Barricade] Stupid insects tried to shoot me... found a clue to the All Spark...
- [he plugs himself into a monitor and displays what information he had stolen from Air Force One]
- Frenzy: Witwicky - he has seen our language... Witwicky search...
- [Frenzy activates a search engine, which brings up an eBay file on Sam and a picture of spectacles. Frenzy notices familiar markings on those spectacles...]
- Frenzy: We must find LadiesMan217! Go, go, go!
- [the police car speeds off...]
- Starscream: I live to serve you, Lord Megatron...
- Megatron: Where is the Cube?
- Starscream: The humans have taken it!
- Megatron: You fail me yet again, Starscream... GET THEM!
- Agent Simmons: [looks at a Nokia phone] Ooh. Nokias are real nasty. You've gotta respect the Japanese. They know the way of the samurai...
- Maggie Madsen: Nokia's from Finland.
- Keller: Yes, but he's, you know, a little strange. He's a little strange.
- Captain Lennox: [points a gun at Simmons] Take him to his car!
- [a standoff ensues between the Special Forces and Sector 7]
- Tom Banachek: Whoa whoa whoa...
- Agent Simmons: Drop your weapon, solider. There's an alien war going on and you're gonna shot me?
- Captain Lennox: You know, we didn't ask to be here.
- Agent Simmons: I'm ordering you under S-Seven executive jurisdiction...
- USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: S-7 don't exist!
- Captain Lennox: Right, and we don't take orders from people that don't exist.
- Agent Simmons: I'm gonna count to five, okay...
- Captain Lennox: Well, I'm gonna count to three.
- [cocks his gun]
- [Bumblebee drives Sam and Mikaela through a tunnel]
- Mikaela: [in the back seat] This car's a pretty good driver.
- Sam Witwicky: [in the passenger seat] Yeah.
- [looks at the empty driver's seat]
- Sam Witwicky: Why don't you go sit on that seat there?
- Mikaela: I'm not gonna sit on that seat. He's driving.
- Sam Witwicky: Yeah. You're right. You know, maybe you should sit on my lap.
- Mikaela: Why?
- Sam Witwicky: Well, I have the only seat belt here. Safety first.
- Mikaela: Yeah. Right.
- [Mikaela moves from the back seat to Sam's lap]
- Sam Witwicky: See? That's better.
- Mikaela: You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move.
- Sam Witwicky: Thank you.
- Bobby Bolivia: Hey Manny!
- Manny: What?
- Bobby Bolivia: Get your cousin outta that clown costume. Havin' that heat stroke again. Scarin' white folks.
- Clown: I'm hot! Makeup's melting, hurts my eyes!
- Optimus Prime: Our medical officer: Ratchet.
- Ratchet: [sniffing] The boy's pheromone levels suggest he wants to mate with the female.
- [Sam and Mikeala fidget embarassedly]
- [Bumblebee approaches Sam and Mikaela]
- Mikaela: What is it?
- Sam Witwicky: It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definitely Japanese.
- [He slowly walks towards Bumblebee]
- Mikaela: [alarmed] What are you doing?
- Sam Witwicky: I don't think it wants to hurt us. He would've done that already.
- Mikaela: Really? Well, do you speak robot? Because they just had, like, a giant droid death match!
- Agent Simmons: Ronald Wikity?
- Ron Witwicky: It's Witwicky. Who are you?
- Agent Simmons: We're the government. Sector Seven.
- Ron Witwicky: Never heard of it.
- Agent Simmons: Never will.
- Agent Simmons: Last night at the station, you told the officer your car transformed. Enlighten me.
- Sam Witwicky: Well, here's what I said, okay? 'Cause this is a total misunderstanding that my car had been stolen...
- Agent Simmons: Really?
- Sam Witwicky: ...from me, from my home, but it's fine now because it's back! It came back!
- Mikaela: Well, not by itself.
- Sam Witwicky: Well, no.
- Mikaela: Because cars don't do that because that would be crazy.
- [everyone laughs]
- Agent Simmons: So what do you kids know about aliens, huh?
- [laughing stops]
- Starscream: This is Starscream: All Decepticons, mobilize.
- Barricade: Barricade en-route...
- Devastator: Devastator reporting...
- Bonecrusher: Bonecrusher rolling...
- Blackout: Blackout incoming... All hail Megatron!
- Ironhide: [drawing his guns] The parents are very irritating...
- Ratchet: [trying to calm him] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Ironhide: Can I take them out?
- Optimus Prime: Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans! What is with you?
- Ironhide: Well, I'm just saying we could. It's an option.
- Sam Witwicky: [after the Autobots have ripped the top off the car] You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.
- Optimus Prime: Taking the children was a BAD move! Autobots, relieve them of their weapons!
- Sam Witwicky: Where's my car?
- Tom Banachek: Son, listen to me very carefully. People could die here. We need to know everything you know, and we need to know it right now.
- Sam Witwicky: Okay... But first I'll take my car, my parents - maybe you should write that down. Oh, and her juvie record. That's gotta be gone. Like, forever.
- Tom Banachek: [exhales] Come with me. We'll talk about your car.
- Mikaela: [to Sam] Thank you.
- Sam Witwicky: Sure.
- Agent Simmons: [deep sigh] The man's an extortionist.
- Mikaela: [after Sam has tripped on his mother's bike] That was, uh... that was really awesome.
- Sam Witwicky: Felt awesome.
- Mikaela: Are you okay?
- Sam Witwicky: No, I'm not okay alright? I'm losin' my mind a little bit. Gettin' chased by my car right now, gotta go!
- Optimus Prime: Sam... you risked your life to protect the Cube.
- Sam Witwicky: No sacrifice, no victory.
- Tooth Fairy Girl: [to a giant robot as it emerges from a swimming pool and steps over her] Excuse me, are you the Tooth Fairy?
- Jazz: What's crackin' little bitches?
- [does a somersault]
- Optimus Prime: My first lieutenant. Designation: Jazz.
- Jazz: This looks like a cool place to kick it!
- Agent Simmons: [staring at Optimus Prime] Hi, there.
- Optimus Prime: You don't seem afraid. Are you not surprised to see us?
- Agent Simmons: Look, there are certain rules I have to abide by. I'm not authorized to communicate with you except... to say I can't communicate with you...
- Optimus Prime: Get out of the car.
- Agent Simmons: Right. Uh, me? You want me to...?
- Optimus Prime: Now!
- [Lennox urgently calls on a cell phone as his men fight Scorponok]
- Captain Lennox: This is an emergency Pentagon call! The Pentagon, do you understand-?
- [the window behind him explodes]
- Captain Lennox: I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!
- International Operator: [bored] Sir, the attitude is not going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak very clearly into the mouthpiece...
- Captain Lennox: I'm in the middle of a war! This is friggin' ridiculous!
- Bobby Bolivia: A driver don't pick the cars. Mmm-mm. Cars pick the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine.
- Bobby Bolivia: Son, I'm a lot of things. A liar's not one of them. Especially not in front of my mammy. Hey, Mammy!
- [Mammy gives him the middle finger]
- Bobby Bolivia: Oh don't be like that! If I had a rock I'd bust your head bitch. I tell you man, she deaf. You know.
- [laughs hysterically]