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Episode List


Season 1

20 Sep. 2004
Tony Kleinman, a former sports commenter, is the comical star-half of a TV life show presenter duo with ex-jock Bernie Widmer, loaded with sports angles and terminology. Futhermore Tony has a syndicated newspaper column, in which he usually writes ironically about life from the viewpoint of a short, fat non-beauty, just like him. When Bernie teases Tony for always writing about his own appearance, he promises something different and comes up with the way his teenage daughter Jenny treats her dad as if, and lastly even explicitly said, he knows nothing and is always ...
27 Sep. 2004
Hammer Time
Tony's manhood is threatened from all sides. At work, studio boss Paul wants him and Bernie to make a more trendy, active opening, but his smaller O-size wrecks every single attempt. When Bernie tells how much tougher his father was on him, Tony decides it's time, after too much pointless talking to disrespectful Megan, to punish her hammer-hard. Alas he picks his battle wrong, feels guilty once he realizes, and finds her counter-offensive is far more efficient: when she has her ears pierced again, despite explicit paternal refusal, he grounds her for a month, but she...
4 Oct. 2004
Grandmaster of the Wolfhunt
When Megan announces it's her school's professional guest speaker day, she invites Bernie Widmer and only 'allows' dad to join in with a long list of stringent conditions. Despite Will's warning it's such a tough crowd even senator-astronaut John Glenn was crying when booed away, dad prepares a speech and bribes a kid to queue him a 'spontaneous question', but they could both have spared themselves the trouble: everybody hangs on big ex-jock Bernie's lips and ignores O-shaped tiny Tony. Furious when Bernie also turns up at home just in time to scare off a nasty ...
11 Oct. 2004
Cool Jerk
Jason drove home while he studio had a camera problem, was persuaded by is wife to use her cellphone, but got distracted: car wrecked, but Bernie introduces him to his exclusive mechanic Willie. Pedning retrieval and repairs, he gets to drive NBA rebounder Denis 'Worm' Rodman's cool 4x4, so huge that O-shaped Tony can barely climb aboard. The girls love the truck so much that daughter Megan, who considered pa too embarrassing to be seen with anywhere, wants him to drive her and her friends Jenny and Sarah everywhere, even to the big dance. Alas, Willie calls: the rust...
18 Oct. 2004
Quest for Fire
Tony fears his wife Dana is no longer interested in him as a man, so he takes Bernie's advice to plan a romantic evening, to no avail. Tv focus group results marking him as cuddly and non-threatening persuade Tony to try it macho during a power cut, but the caveman approach seems just as tranquilizing. Meanwhile even Laird John Hamilton assumes he and Bernie are a guy couple. Actually Dana has another reason...
25 Oct. 2004
Mickey Swallows a Bee
When ever gentle son Mickey literally swallows a bee, he and dad Tony decide to let him finish the last hole of his golf course before rushing him and the tournament cup to hospital. Ma is appalled by such poor prioritizing but has bad news: Mickey's report card is a crushing testimony to his inability to combine top-level golf practice -his best shot at a college scholarship- with an already limited academic talent. Bernie makes Tony admit any sports career is far too fragile to rely upon, but then Mikey, who has taken up hospital volunteer work, says he wants to be ...
8 Nov. 2004
The Gift of the Ton-I
Tony is sick and tired of his wife outclassing him with cooler gifts, and bets he can do better for his pa Max's birthday. Since Max, who lives in Tampa, is addicted to the Weather Channel, Tony decides on surprise congratulations during a walk-on there. Alas the station's executive producer Sal Vedetti expects a favor back: a formal dance date for his horrible daughter, Loretta, with Tony's cute boy Mickey, who is told grandpa's heroic war generation deserves a sacrifice out of gratitude, and bites the bitter apple. Alas Max has an unexpected idea...
15 Nov. 2004
Sweet Charity
When Tony sees Megan's enormous cell phone bill, he has enough of her selfishness and taking everything for granted, so he signs her up for a big buddy program for single parent latchkey kids, where she is assigned as big sister to little Amy. So Megan signs Tony up to run with her 5 kilometers sponsored (by him) run for the charity, which nearly gets him a heart-attack, but they bring in most. Alas Bernie recognizes the organizer, Buddy Freeman, as a renowned crook who steals the money raised by his fake charities. Mikey even planned to sell his beloved baseball ...
22 Nov. 2004
Bernie's widowed mother Pamela Widmer is a bossy know-it-all who lives alone since he moved out but still has 'Bernard' whipped, so he keeps her at arms-length except for family traditions such as flying over for the elaborate Thanksgiving dinner and this year he got her and his crazy girl-friend Kiara (his mother's type, he hopes) invited at Tony Kleinman's home, where mother Dana finds she can't do a thing alone (well, not quite right) and sweet son Mikey is 'skinny' as if Dana didn't feed her family properly (only true compared to O-shaped giant Bernie). Mikey and ...
29 Nov. 2004
Mickey Without a Cause
Megan is happy with a box of dad's old cloths mailed by grandma, as 'ugly old cloths' are in. Megan didn't give her soccer team's final a single thought, despite dad's efforts, but by pure luck her averted head happens to be on the equally accidental path of the winning goal. Tony declares her the sports hero of the century, filling an entire episode of his TV program with Bernie to her accession to the Temple of Sports. Good son Mikey, whose devotion to golf always was boundless, ditches class the next day, neglects his clubs care and sneaks out, firsts ever. Megan ...
13 Dec. 2004
Enemy at the Gates
All Tony's over-enthusiastic hopes were on sweet son Mickey's amateur finale golf match, but his slick opponent Jake O'Shannon is just unbeatable that day. Megan protested she had to come, but suddenly takes a suspicious interest in golf on seeing hunky Jake. Tony can't stomach the loss, and pushes ever obliging Mikey to dare Jake to a friendly rematch on his Philadelphia home turf links. Mikey wins the match, Megan a date to a party with Jake, but Tony forbids her to go, so she sneaks out right under her parents' noses after physically threatening gentle big brother ...
3 Jan. 2005
Tony the Tiger
When the Kleinmans enjoy a -rare- family restaurant night, ma Dana makes Tony ask a giant neighbor put out his stinking cigarette, but the brutal threat of violence gets his lifelong standard response: leaving, claiming he won't lower himself to the bigger (anyone!) challenger's level. When Bernie finds how deep it hurts Tony to have run away 'yellow' as always, he offers to teach him all about fighting, or rather not having to thanks to a deterring aura of confidence, which works great in role-play with ever-gentle Mikey, who shyly sends himself to his room after a ...
17 Jan. 2005
Snub Thy Neighbor
While ever docile Mikey follows his girlfriend Rebecca to Gettysburg, five hours, for her dad's battle reenactment, Tony tells sonny his life is about to be totally taken over by the other sex, bad advice according to womanizer Bernie, who isn't making any headway with new studio crew member Susan himself. Tony and Dana didn't even know their neighbors name, practically ignore their successors and find to be the only people in the neighborhood not invited to their first barbecue, even after they bring a bottle of wine. When Tony finally manages to invite equally aloof...
31 Jan. 2005
Weekend with Bernie
While ma Dana is away for the transfer of a monkey to the zoo from Chicago, but 'stuck' in a luxury hotel (with masseur) in Cleveland, Tony invites Bernie to stay at his home after a knee operation. Megan gives him the royal treatment, notably giving him her bedroom- and violently commandeering poor Mikey's bed. Thus Bernie catches two of Megans's school-friends climbing up to her bedroom window to ask her out for mischief, and coaches Tony to show understanding, soon extended to spoiling the surprised 'good kids'. Next day Bernie bunks with Tony, which goes great, ...
7 Feb. 2005
Inky Dinky Don't
When construction workers whistle at Tony and Dana not for her looks but as his show's fans, he decides to concentrate on better fan contacts. She feels she needs a rougher, sexy angle, and after consulting Bernie gets a Chinese character tattooed on her butt, Tony protests that's 'half his' body, she says then he must loose 20, or at least 10, pounds from his, well, 'their', body: diet, which makes Tony cranky on Bernie whom he blames!... Megan sees sweet Mickey's adored girl-friend Brooke blatantly kissing another boy in public, he refuses to believe it. When Brooke...
14 Feb. 2005
When Bernie has a colonoscopy (a miniature camera on a tube right up the rectum) as insurance-required, Tony s loudly approving and supportive, tagging along for moral support- alas Doctor Lou Swerling seizes the opportunity to schedule Tony too for the next morning. Giving Mikey's hospital orderly observations and ma's 'childbith s worse' routine, he can't even milk it for sympathy. It gets worse: Swerling finds a probably innocent polyp but still schedules Tony's butt for the scalpel next day. His attempts to sneak out are foreseen and countered. While he is being ...
7 Mar. 2005
Couch Potato
Megan's amateur girls soccer team's coach Mitch tells Tony his endless criticism is too much and quits, leaving Tony holding the clipboard. Next day Mitch comes thank Tony for being such an obnoxious idiot and the ideal excuse to dump a job his wife wouldn't let him off. Tony telling Bernie he's happy not to be the only tormented teenage girl's father, but frightened of a whole team suffices to talk him into showing how easy it is for a real player (not a ball lookalike) who could handle 140 lb. muscle mountains. Tony is impressed, but to Dana Bernie admits it's ...
11 Apr. 2005
Check Mates
To his own surprise and wife Dana's delight, while putting out the trash Tony charms his way back on speaking terms with neighbor Andrew, who even accepts to come over for dinner with his wife Jane. Dana is even more elated when Andrew hears during the meal about the new Philadelphia petting zoo she's raising funds for and decides it's a good cause to earn some tax deduction himself, but after Tony insisted on pie for desert their check stays away while the zoo's deadline next day approaches, and Andrew says he ignores why his wife Jane is suddenly furious at him. ...
18 Apr. 2005
Ebony and Irony
When Bernie brings to the studio his cousin Erika, who is visiting a few weeks, he asks Tony to invite them for dinner, so she has someone else to consider utterly uncool. It works, but Erika also dates Mikey, once; when Tony happily shows them off as a couple, both Dana and Bernie suggest that's a ploy to flaunt his family being utterly liberal, an insulting thought which even makes Tony and Bernie wonder which part 'color-blindness' plays in their own relationship...
25 Apr. 2005
Last Vegas
The TV station sends Tony and Bernie on promotion to las Vegas, but since that means not sharing her favorite Elvis marathon, Dana makes him take her and the kids along, so they can celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary there as a family. Mikey and Megan are refused casino entry, being under age, but figure there must be many teenagers thus afflicted and set up their own game table in their hotel-room- a more experienced local little girl proves a thorny twist... Conflicting loyalties soon cause a row between the spouses, so Bernie takes Tony to a strip-club, but ...

 Season 1 

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