Quotes

Plumber: [singing] Your pipes are corroded, the water won't drain / Your toilet exploded, you're flushing in vain!

Faerie Peas, Faerie Peas: [singing] Oh, we are the faerie peas! We like to eat strawberry cheese! Oh, we are the faerie peas of Christmas!

Cavis: I wonder what a Star of Christmas is, anyway?

Arthur Hollingshead: Beg pardon - were you asking about the Star of Christmas?

Cavis: Uh... yeah?

Arthur Hollingshead: Yes, indeed. The Star of Christmas of Canterbury, one of the finest existing examples of sixth-century metalwork, given by St. Gregory the Great to the monks at Canterbury August 14, 592. This astonishing gold and silver five-point star later decorated the courts of King Edward the Confessor, William the Conqueror, and James the Lethargic before coming to rest at the church you see behind you in 1638.

Cavis: What have I said all along?

Seymour: You can't do any heavy lifting. Football injury.

Cavis: No, besides that. What's the other thing I've said all along?

Rev. Gilbert: Well, Moyer, thanks for helping out with the Ladies Temperance League dinner.

Moyer: Aye, Reverend. For bein' so temperate, they sure can eat.

Laundry Man: [delivering convenient laundry cart, into which Cavis and Millward fall] Why does everyone want their laundry picked up at night all of a sudden?

Seymour: [explaining his rocket car] Oh, yeah. Uh, the brakes only work if you're on the ground. So, uh, try to stay on the ground.

Cavis: I... I didn't know that was optional!

Seymour: This just keeps gettin' weirder.