American Dad! (2005– )
Stan Smith: You know, son, the great thing about First Love is that it's the first of many
Steve Smith: But how will I forget my feelings for Akiva?
Stan Smith: Well you see son, as time goes by you'll find- Amy! Amy why won't you love me! Bwah-ha-ha! I don't wanna live!
Roger the Alien: [after a hallucinogenic meal] I just don't have the words for it. Schmooblydong. Is that a word?
Snot Lonstein: Wow! Uncensored nudity! This game must be from Japan.
Toshi Yoshida: Unlikely. Those women are not underage schoolgirls.
Klaus: There's an old German saying: "Don't blame the fish!" There are other sayings, but they mostly involve genocide...
Roger the Alien: [Steve has an electric guitar. Roger has an Octopus, an abacus and a hairdryer] Your thing looks more interesting
[throws his stuff away]
Klaus: I'll tell you something, though. You've just eaten all the potato salad Francine made for the Deacon's Wake! Ha ha ha!
Roger the Alien: And you didn't stop me? How could you do that?
Klaus: Yeah, still German...
Barry Robinson: Why are you talking like that?
Snot Lonstein: Tooooo muuuuuuuchhh Zooooooolooooooftttt aaaaaandd Iiiiiiiiii'mmmmmm stiiiiiiillll soooooo saaaaaaadd...
Klaus: You don't know why the Americans and the Germans were fighting in World War 2? Nobody knows...
Football Legend: Stan, I thought the CIA was done with me! I still have the headaches and the nightmares! What happened in Munich? Who did I kill?
Stan Smith: No, I'm not here about that. It's my kid's birthday!
Klaus: You don't know the Story of the Fraulein and the Little Person?
Klaus: You don't know the Story of the Hawk and the Schnauser?
Nebraska Kid: Ooh! I love babies! Jesus was a Baby!
Stan Smith: Yes, he was also a murder victim.
Collector Alien 1: We're going to have to change the name of the Blorpher, I feel stupid saying Blorph all the time.
Collector Alien 2: You will have to take that up with the inventor of the Blorph, Dr. Blorphy McBlorph-blorph!
Stan Smith: [to George W Bush] Is it true that you can make Tony Blair do anything you want? Like if you said he had to eat a bug, he'd eat it even if it had lots of legs?
Roger the Alien: Floor Spaghetti!
Francine Smith: Floor Spaghetti?
Roger the Alien: [Floor Spaghetti] Floor Spaghetti.
Stan Smith: It's High School, Steve, it doesn't matter.
Steve Smith: You said that last time, when's it start to matter?
Stan Smith: Never.
Juror: But then I think of how handsome he is, and I just want to sit on his Face!
Klaus: If they cut your head off, try to blink your eyes for as long as possible. I have a theory to test...
Steve Smith: Jeez Klaus, how can you be so terrible?
Klaus: I'm German! It's what we do.
Klaus: Can I come?
Francine Smith: Oh, what's the point, Klaus? You're a fish!
Klaus: Ah. Francine, could you hit that Boom Box on your way out?
Edie Brickell: I quit! I give up! Nothing's good enough for anybody else...
Steve's Creepy Russian Uncle or Whatever: Perhaps it was the haste of a man who wanted to take his revenge like his Vodka, in one dreadful swallow.
Steve's Creepy Russian Uncle or Whatever: To win Competition your mind must be Hard and Joyless, like Russian Turnip.
Roger the Alien: [real estate scam] Oh look, another serious buyer.
Husband: But you're so young
Wife: How can you possibly afford this house?
Steve Smith: Remember the kid from Jerry Maguire?
Wife: Of course.
Steve Smith: Well, he pays me to call hotels before his arrival to ensure they have pillows that can support his massive head. I do quite well. Which is why I'm prepared to offer you $99,000. And not a penny more.
Roger the Alien: Oh, yeah? Let me see the cash. I don't need to see the cash. Well, Hannigan, what's it going to be? You gonna offer me 100 K, or are you going to let Jonathan Lipnicki's bitch make you look like a punk in front of your hot wife?
Wife: Well, are you?
Roger the Alien: Can a Brother get a "Run Roger!"? Damn it! Got to be all self-runnin' and whatnot...
Stan Smith: We need to have a talk about point of view. Every villain is the hero of his own cinnamon apple monkey toaster.
Hayley Smith: I think we all knew it would end this way.
[Giant mutant Klaus rears over the horizon]
Avery Bullock: It is time we Feast! Take them!
Various: It's the 200!
Roger the Alien: Nonsense, they don't exist! I made them up! Wha...?
Hayley Smith: 200 Rogers!
Roger the Alien: 200 mes?
Klaus: [in a Body] I'm just one of those Black Germans everyone remembers...
Roger the Alien: What is this and how can I replace my Blood with it?
Gay Neighbour: Women don't ask for much, do they?
Stan Smith: No, just don't pee in the shower on her birthday, and you're good to go.
Stan Smith: Son if you ever want to crawl your way out of this Geek Swamp, you're going to have to log some Face Time with the Cool Kids.
Sushi Restaurant Owner's Son: [Hiding in Air Vent] This is the perfect place to learn my Father's Secret...
Sushi Restaurant Owner: Whenever the Cucumber Shipment is late, I like to look at this photo of my Son's Mother. She was the love of my life, and an amazing Prostitute.
Psychiatrist: [eaten by a giant ant]
Roger the Alien: Do not fear me, pretty one, though my outward appearance may repulse thee I assure you my intentions are most pure.
Collector Alien 1: Hubbub! Hubbub!
Collector Alien 2: Peas and Carrots! Peas and Carrots!
Stan Smith: [CIA awards] But I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my gym teacher Mr Raglan, who taught me everything I know about seduction!
Stan Smith: Paperclips? Paperclops? Popperclops! Pops that Clop your Poppers!
Roger the Alien: [can't roll an oreo from his navel into his mouth] Dammit!
Dr Lizzy: You're caught in what I call the Western Pharmacycle. Doctors give people with diseases cures that give them other diseases. It's a great business model, if you're the Devil.
Roger the Alien: Have you read The Tipping Point? I haven't. Perhaps it applies.
Roger the Alien: Tam, I gotta go, the Boss is being a real Catch you Next Tuesday...
Camera Guy: No-one's more Unincluded than the Camera Guy.
Stan Smith: I want you to come home, Francine, Greg won't stop being snarky!
Avery Bullock: I had some Gay experiences at Boarding School. Nothing fancy, just some night poundings.
Steve Smith: I don't know, friends with Half-Turtles when there are Full-Turtles?
Steve Smith: I think I'll hit the sack. And then I'll go to bed.
Stan Smith: [to Sexpun T'come] I'm going over to the Juice Bar. You wouldn't like it, it's not about reliving childhood trauma it's all positive and about Juice.
Dick: When I was your age we had to work harder than this!
Stan Smith: When I'm your age I want to be dead for ten years.
Hayley Smith: I just can't flunk out of Social Studies, I just can't!
Klaus: Why not? I think you'd make a great Pharmaceuticals sales rep...
Doctor: Your breasts are full of spiders!
Roger the Alien: That's how I like 'em!
Sign: American Eurodisney, the most confusing place on Earth!
Kevin: Ice-T! I have to say, "Cop Killer" is absolutely my favorite song. It got me through Boarding School!
Head Crow Guy: This is so frustrating! I'm starting to question if there even is a Crow God!
Klaus: Has anybody noticed we're watching Gay Porn?
Frat Dude: Maybe it's only Gay at the beginning! I say we keep watching!
Roger the Alien: Is there anything more terrifying than a hovering Blimp!
Klaus: Am I early for Book Club?
Roger the Alien: No! You're late! And that's two weeks in a row! You're out!
Klaus: I didn't read it anyway...
Steve Smith: Something I've noticed is that Real Life often sucks.
Psychiatrist: [head blown off by a grenade]
Roger the Alien: [Persian Club Shark] My cousin makes porno and I think you girls should get involved, I hear it makes you feel really good about yourself.
Roger the Alien: Behind the wheel of every taxi is a sad confused person who lost a bet they didn't understand.
Avery Bullock: She's fat, she's loose, she's Asian. I hit the Trifecta!
Klaus: He was my only Uncle, Steve! The odds of my grandparents crapping out another Uncle at this point are pretty low...
Francine Smith: I did it again. I said something helpful and went past it.
Eggthalmologist: The desire to possess eggs is inherent in all of us.
Hand and Nester: The Egg... is Collected!
Principal Lewis: I'll bet Hayley did it! For Hippy Reasons!
Doctor: And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take a Doctor Poop in the Doctor Bathroom.
Stan Smith: [Gatecrashing Heaven] We're Mormons! We were born dead!
Granny: You tell him he's a Carpetbagger!
Roger the Alien: [Drunk] You're a Carpetbagger, Stan! Wassat?