- Roger the Alien: [after a hallucinogenic meal] I just don't have the words for it. Schmooblydong. Is that a word?
- Klaus: There's an old German saying: "Don't blame the fish!" There are other sayings, but they mostly involve genocide...
- Klaus: You don't know why the Americans and the Germans were fighting in World War 2? Nobody knows...
- Klaus: Has anybody noticed we're watching Gay Porn?
- Frat Dude: Maybe it's only Gay at the beginning! I say we keep watching!
- Roger the Alien: [Steve has an electric guitar. Roger has an Octopus, an abacus and a hairdryer] Your thing looks more interesting
- [throws his stuff away]
- Barry Robinson: Why are you talking like that?
- Snot Lonstein: Tooooo muuuuuuuchhh Zooooooolooooooftttt aaaaaandd Iiiiiiiiii'mmmmmm stiiiiiiillll soooooo saaaaaaadd...
- Football Legend: Stan, I thought the CIA was done with me! I still have the headaches and the nightmares! What happened in Munich? Who did I kill?
- Stan Smith: No, I'm not here about that. It's my kid's birthday!
- Gay Neighbour: Women don't ask for much, do they?
- Stan Smith: No, just don't pee in the shower on her birthday, and you're good to go.
- Avery Bullock: I had some Gay experiences at Boarding School. Nothing fancy, just some night poundings.
- Stan Smith: It's High School, Steve, it doesn't matter.
- Steve Smith: You said that last time, when's it start to matter?
- Stan Smith: Never.
- Matthew the R.B. Burgers Murderer: Facebook is for racist Grandmas!
- Dr Lizzy: You're caught in what I call the Western Pharmacycle. Doctors give people with diseases cures that give them other diseases. It's a great business model, if you're the Devil.
- Stan Smith: [to George W Bush] Is it true that you can make Tony Blair do anything you want? Like if you said he had to eat a bug, he'd eat it even if it had lots of legs?
- Coach Passenger 1: I'm sorry I destroyed your business with Yelp.
- Coach Passenger 2: It's okay, my Father owns Footlocker. I just need him to die.
- Sushi Restaurant Owner's Son: [Hiding in Air Vent] This is the perfect place to learn my Father's Secret...
- Sushi Restaurant Owner: Whenever the Cucumber Shipment is late, I like to look at this photo of my Son's Mother. She was the love of my life, and an amazing Prostitute.
- Stan Smith: [CIA awards] But I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my gym teacher Mr Raglan, who taught me everything I know about seduction!
- Collector Alien 1: We're going to have to change the name of the Blorpher, I feel stupid saying Blorph all the time.
- Collector Alien 2: You will have to take that up with the inventor of the Blorph, Dr. Blorphy McBlorph-blorph!
- Camera Guy: No-one's more Unincluded than the Camera Guy.
- Roger the Alien: Floor Spaghetti!
- Francine Smith: Floor Spaghetti?
- Roger the Alien: [Floor Spaghetti] Floor Spaghetti.
- Stan Smith: [to Sexpun T'come] I'm going over to the Juice Bar. You wouldn't like it, it's not about reliving childhood trauma it's all positive and about Juice.
- Hayley Smith: I just can't flunk out of Social Studies, I just can't!
- Klaus: Why not? I think you'd make a great Pharmaceuticals sales rep...
- Kevin: Ice-T! I have to say, "Cop Killer" is absolutely my favorite song. It got me through Boarding School!
- Klaus: Am I early for Book Club?
- Roger the Alien: No! You're late! And that's two weeks in a row! You're out!
- Klaus: I didn't read it anyway...
- Roger the Alien: Behind the wheel of every taxi is a sad confused person who lost a bet they didn't understand.
- Klaus: He was my only Uncle, Steve! The odds of my grandparents crapping out another Uncle at this point are pretty low...
- Principal Lewis: I'll bet Hayley did it! For Hippy Reasons!
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