George Gershwin: [Indiana Jones] Why can't I stop thinking about her?
[Gershwin Stands up from and gestures toward piano]
George Gershwin: Tell him maestro.
George Gershwin: It's very simple Boychick.
[Removes hanky, dusts piano, tosses soiled rag to song pluggers, sits and sings]
George Gershwin: A pretty girl/is like a melody/that haunts you night and day/She will leave you/and then/come back again/A pretty girl/is just/like a pretty tune.
New York Cabbie: Men are scum.
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: All of them?
New York Cabbie: All of 'em!
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: Perhaps you're looking for perfection.
New York Cabbie: Perfection? Mister, I gave up on that a long time ago.
Cabbie: [interrupting Indy and Peggy kiss] Hey bub, you want this cab? Or are you just eating lunch?
Indiana Jones: Who are all these people?
Kate: Writers, actors, painters, composers, anarchists, socialists. The usual village crowd. Do you know any of them?
Indiana Jones: Me? No, no, I just snuck in for some free food. Who's party is this, anyway?
Mack: As far as I'm concerned, you're an idiot.
Mack: What are you?
Indiana Jones: I'm an idiot.
Mack: Correct. Now open your idiot ears and follow me.
[they walk through a door and go backstage]
Mack: You're job is to do all the idiot jobs that only an idiot wants to do. Like make the coffee, run the errants, scrape the stage.
George White: Schwarz, you're fired.
Schwarz: Yes Mr. White, thank you. Now about these bills...
George White: Later, I have a show to put on.
Indiana Jones: [about Gloria] She looks... eatable.
George Gershwin: She should. Her old man owns the biggest meat packing plant in New Jersey.
Schwarz: Mr. White, about these bills...
George White: Schwarz, you're fired.
Schwarz: Can I have that in writing?
Mack: Excuse me, Mr. Jones, I just hate to disturb you, but your lunch date's arrived...
Indiana Jones: But it's not even noon.
Mack: [shouting] And her damn limo is blocking half the damn street!
Franklin Adams: Oh Mr. Jones, Tell me, have you forgiven your parents yet?
Indiana Jones: What for?
Franklin Adams: For naming you after the dullest state in the union.
Indiana Jones: Actually, I named myself, after my dog.
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: Ah, the theater. Thank goodness I'm not late, eh?
New York Cabbie: Aw, mister, come on, please, don't give me a hard time, just tell me what happened.
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: How much is on the meter?
New York Cabbie: 37 dollars.
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: I can't afford to tell you.
[exits the cab]
New York Cabbie: Men.
New York Cabbie: You're all the same!
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: I see you're writing your review already.
Theatre Critic: You recognize me?
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: No, but I know a damn critic when I see one.
[grabs the critic's notepad]
Theatre Critic: Hey!
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: Now you listen to me, my friend, cause I know whereof I speak. Now. I was once involved in putting on a show. George White's Scandals. The year was 1920. When Broadway was really Broadway and shows were really shows.
Ann Penington: It's not her fault. That song's a turkey
George Gershwin: It's not a...
[imitating her voice]
George Gershwin: turkey. It's the best song I ever wrote!
Gloria: Oh, poo. That silly show's more trouble than it's worth.
George Gershwin: Can't you at least give one of them up?
Indiana Jones: But which one? Not Peggy... not Kate...
George Gershwin: And not Gloria, her old man's backing the show!
Dottie: All's fair in love and showbusiness, Indiana.
Beatrice Kaufman: Haven't you ever noticed that Broadway is paved with blood?
Alexander Woollcott: This is supposed to be a finale?
Ernest Hemingway: Listen fatso, if you don't shut up...
Alexander Woollcott: Sorry...
Ernest Hemingway: Thank you.
Peggy: You're despicable.
Kate: You're out.
Gloria: You're fired.
Peggy: You're the lowest.
Kate: You're trash.
Gloria: You're on your own.
Theatre Critic: You know something? I'm going to give this show a wonderful review.
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: A wonderful review? This crap? What are you, insane?
Theatre Critic: But, but what about all the young people?
Dr. Henry 'Indiana' Jones, Jr.: They should be ashamed of themselves. They should quit!