Mean Girls (2004)
Lizzy Caplan: Janis Ian
Student : Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?
Janis : Your mom's chest hair!
Cady : Oh, god.
Janis : You dirty little liar!
Cady : I'm sorry, I can explain.
Janis : Explain how you forgot to invite us to your party?
Damian : Janis, I cannot stop this car. I have a curfew.
Cady : You know I couldn't invite you. I had to pretend to be plastic.
Janis : Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.
Damian : Curfew, 1:00 AM, it is now 1:10.
Janis : Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?
Cady : You know what? You're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your 8th grade revenge!
Janis : God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean! You try to act so innocent like, "Oh, I use to live in Africa with all the little birdies, and the little monkeys!"
Cady : You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!
Janis : What?
Damian : Oh, no, she did not!
Janis : See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, Aaron Samuels, for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.
[Damian drives away with Janis, yelling out the window]
Damian : And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back!
Janis : [to the female student body] Okay, yeah. I've got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best friends against her. And then... Oh yeah, Cady - you know my friend Cady? She made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh, God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash.
Janis : God! I am so sorry Regina. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big *lesbian* crush on you! Suck on *that*! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!
Janis : Regina George... How do I begin to explain Regina George?
Emma Gerber : Regina George is flawless.
Mathlete Tim Pak : I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.
Amber D'Alessio : I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.
Kristen Hadley : Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.
Short Girl : One time she met John Stamos on a plane...
Jessica Lopez : - And he told her she was pretty.
Bethany Byrd : One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.
Janis : [reading list the major cliques in high school] You got your freshmen, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity jocks Unfriendly black hotties, Girls who eat their feelings, Girls who don't eat anything, Desperate wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually active band geeks,
[a picture of herself and Damian come on screen]
Janis : the greatest people you will ever meet, and the worst. Beware of plastics.
Janis : Cold, Shiny, Hard, PLASTIC.
Janis : That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damien sat next to her in English last year.
Damian : She asked me how to spell orange.
Janis : That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners.
Damian : She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.
Janis : Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business, she knows everything about everyone.
Damian : That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Janis : And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.
Damian : She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.
Joan the Secretary : And finally, the nominees for 'Spring Fling Queen'! Regina George...
Joan the Secretary : Gretchen Weiners.
[class applauds and Gretchen responds breathlessly]
Joan the Secretary : Janis Ian.
Regina : [confused] What is happening to the world?
Janis : Damien!
[Janis shoves Damien]
Damian : I couldn't help myself!
Joan the Secretary : And finally, Cady Heron!
Cady : Damien? You put me in there, too? That's not part of the plan!
Damian : I didn't put you in there...
Cady : [surprised] You mean I'm really nominated?
Damian : She always looks fierce. She always wins Spring Fling Queen.
Janis : Who cares?
Damian : I care. Every year the seniors through this dance for the underclassmen called the Spring Fling. And whosoever is elected King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activities Committee and since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would safely say, I care.
Janis : Wow, Damian, you've truely out-gayed yourself.
Janis : Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.
Janis : There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it
Janis : Wow, Damien, you've truly out-gayed yourself.