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Triads, Yardies & Onion Bhajees! (2003)

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Triads, Yardies and Onion Bhajees: Once Upon A Time In Southall is based on the novel The Stone Shiva by Manish Patel. The movie centres on the Holy Smokes crime syndicate and the real-life... See full summary »

Director:

Sarjit Bains

Writer:

Manish Patel
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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Manish Patel Manish Patel ... Singh
Dave Courtney Dave Courtney ... Mad Dave
Jass Bassi Jass Bassi ... Chacha
Jonathan Reason Jonathan Reason ... D.I. Greaves
Peter Rnic ... Big Kev
Jamille Riverol Jamille Riverol ... Tia
Ashvin-Kumar Joshi Ashvin-Kumar Joshi ... Jaz (as Ashvin Kumar Joshi)
Francisco Labbe ... Abz (as Fran Labbe)
Sukie Ghajminger Sukie Ghajminger ... Rocky
Yasmine Maya Yasmine Maya ... Trudy
Native Native ... Lloyd
Charles Udemezue Charles Udemezue ... Errol
Richard Angol ... Rufus
Peter Peralta ... Billy Chan
Alex Fung Alex Fung ... Li Fung
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Storyline

Triads, Yardies and Onion Bhajees: Once Upon A Time In Southall is based on the novel The Stone Shiva by Manish Patel. The movie centres on the Holy Smokes crime syndicate and the real-life $6 million Heathrow Airport robbery. It's a fight to the finish as the Asian Holy Smokes battle the Chinese Triads, Jamaican Yardies and the English Firm to see who rules London! Written by GhettoVision Motion Pictures

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Details

Official Sites:

Official site

Country:

UK

Language:

English

Release Date:

1 November 2003 (UK) See more »

Also Known As:

Once Upon a Time in Southall See more »

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Box Office

Budget:

£900 (estimated)
See more on IMDbPro »

Company Credits

Production Co:

GhettoVision See more »
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Technical Specs

See full technical specs »
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Did You Know?

Crazy Credits

The end credits include a recipe for very special Onion Bhajees. See more »

Soundtracks

Watch Out (Holy Smokes About)
(2003)
Written by A. Choudhury, M. Patel
Performed by Wkd Axe (as Wikked Axe)
See more »

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User Reviews

I can and HAVE done better myself!!
23 September 2011 | by ttaskmasterSee all my reviews

The grainy black and white I totally get. The lack of engaging plot is not the worst I've ever known.

But what kills this film from within the first couple of minutes is the atrocious acting. I'd go so far as to say they were just reading an autocue! I've seen better acting from Joey in Friends and in my high school drama class.

I am a fan of cheesy, bad movies but this is so poorly acted, it makes the whole film completely unwatchable.

Only once before in over 30 years have I not watched a film to the very end, including every bad TV movie you can think of... But this is now the second.

Save your money - Go watch a 1970s adult film where the mustachioed plumber comes to fix the fridge. It's more convincing!!


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