Two and a Half Men (TV Series 2003–2015) Poster


Episode List


Season 1

Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal: Original Pilot
After his wife kicks him out of the house, Alan has to move in with his brother Charlie.
22 Sep. 2003
After 12 years of marriage, Alan's wife, Judith, kicks him out. He turns to his older brother, Charlie, for help. Charlie has trouble adjusting his carefree lifestyle with the presence of his ten-year old nephew.
29 Sep. 2003
Big Flappy Bastards
Alan punishes Jake for an incident at Judith's house. Charlie is lax in enforcing Alan's restrictions, then some seagulls invade Charlie's house as a result of Jake's actions, Charlie has to learn how to discipline his nephew.
6 Oct. 2003
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Charlie and Alan go out drinking. Alan tries to reconcile with his wife. After that fails, they decide to confront the root of their issues, their mother.
13 Oct. 2003
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
As Charlie tries to write a new jingle, Berta quits. Alan tries to convince her to come back. Leaving Charlie to get Jake ready for a dinner. And Rose tries to get Charlie's help to prepare for a date.
20 Oct. 2003
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
Jake's soccer games lead to Alan and Charlie having encounters with teammates' sexy mothers.
27 Oct. 2003
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Charlie and Evelyn date members of the same family.
3 Nov. 2003
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Jake sees a butterfly tattoo on the firm bottom of a surfer-chick friend of Charlie's and draws a picture of it for school. Of course, this enrages Judith until she becomes very good friends with the woman herself.
10 Nov. 2003
Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
After being tricked into helping Alan and Judith produce Jake's classroom musical, Charlie is flattered to find out that the kids know all the words to his jingles. Alan is blind-sided with divorce papers from Judith, causing strife which results in Charlie, who refuses to deal with the pre-pubers without a snootful, having to produce the play on his own. Jake is crushed when he realizes that a reconciliation between his parents may never happen.
17 Nov. 2003
Phase One, Complete
Charlie wants to dump a female friend to whom Jake has grown attached. Alan and Rose bond over a game of Scrabble.
24 Nov. 2003
Merry Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving winds up being the least thankful day of the year for Charlie, who has to bribe various members of his household to even come to a traditional turkey dinner. Not only are the usual feuds in evidence (leading to a turkey-carving right out of "Psycho") but Judith's parents are actually sympathetic to Alan and hostile to their own daughter for her "fling" with lesbianism.
15 Dec. 2003
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Seeing Judith's new look and boyfriend prompts Alan to realize that if he wants to get back into the dating scene, he will need to change his look also.
5 Jan. 2004
Camel Filters and Pheromones
Berta brings her 16 year old granddaughter to work. She poses issues for the men.
12 Jan. 2004
Sarah Like Puny Alan
Charlie tries to nurse Alan back from the flu because he needs him for a double date with sisters.
2 Feb. 2004
I Can't Afford Hyenas
Charlie's accountant Stan tries to make Charlie understand his desperate financial situation.
9 Feb. 2004
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie--against Alan's advice.
16 Feb. 2004
That Was Saliva, Alan
Now that Frankie has tricked the Harpers into taking her and her daughter Joanie in, she explains that Bob's parents want her declared mentally incompetent in order to get custody. Charlie wants to dump her, but Alan insists on taking them both in. Jake doesn't enjoy the 8 year old's 'romantic' attention. Charlie hates the consolation kisses and compliments, and is stunned when Frankie prefers intimacy with Alan. Charlie rightly warns him he's just falling for his 'damsel in distress', but warns her not to hurt his kid brother.
23 Feb. 2004
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Charlie is offended when Alan chooses his married, responsible cousins as Jake's guardians.
1 Mar. 2004
An Old Flame with a New Wick
Charlie's old flame, Jill, comes for a visit, she had an operation and is now called "Bill." Then Evelyn starts dating Bill.
19 Apr. 2004
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Jake plays electric guitar all day long and doesn't want to do anything else. Alan and Charlie can't figure out why. Jake refuses to discuss anything with anyone, including his grandmother and even a psychologist.
3 May 2004
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Charlie tries to seduce Alan's divorce lawyer, Laura, and her assistant. He sleeps with Laura and they decide not to tell Alan anything since it's unethical, considering that Charlie is a participant in the case.
10 May 2004
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Charlie notices that Alan sleepwalks and tries to find out what's causing it and how to deal with it. He asks for help from their mother, Evelyn, and Jake's psychologist, Dr. Linda Freeman.
17 May 2004
Just Like Buffalo
Jake repeats something Charlie says to Judith. Then Judith refuses to let Alan take Jake for the weekend. Alan tries to talk to Judith, but encounters resistance from Judith and her friends. It's up to Charlie to set things right.
24 May 2004
Can You Feel My Finger
Charlie is sure he isn't ready for fatherhood after a year of trying to raise Jake, so he opts to have a vasectomy. But when the doctor performing the procedure keeps getting calls from his wife -- who's about to give birth -- Charlie starts to think about what fatherhood might entail and likes the idea, provided he still has his vital organs intact (in more ways than one).

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