The Room (2003)
Mark: How was work today?
Johnny: Oh, pretty good. We got a new client and the bank will make a lot of money.
Mark: What client?
Johnny: I cannot tell you; it's confidential.
Mark: Aw, come on. Why not?
Johnny: No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?
Johnny: I kill you, you bastard!
Mark: You couldn't kill me if you tried.
Johnny: You betrayed me! You're not good. You, you're just a chicken. Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep.
[Johnny walks to the apartment rooftop]
Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her!
[throws water bottle]
Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.
Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?
Johnny: I have a problem with Lisa. She says that I hit her.
Mark: What? Did you?
Johnny: [sits down] No, it's not true. Don't even ask. What's new with you?
Mark: I'm just sitting up here thinking, you know. I got a question for you.
Mark: You think girls like to cheat like guys do?
Johnny: What makes you say that?
Mark: [gets up] I don't know. I don't know. I'm just... I'm just thinking.
Johnny: I don't have to worry about that because Lisa is loyal to me.
Mark: Yeah, man, you'll never know. People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl; she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
Johnny: Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark.
Mark: Yeah, you can say that again.
Johnny: I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much.
Mark: Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky.
Johnny: Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.
Mark: [pauses, then walks forward] Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet.
Johnny: Well, what happened? Remember Betty? That's her name?
Mark: Betty? Yeah. Yeah, we don't see each other anymore. You know, she wasn't any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments.
Johnny: That's too bad. My Lisa's great whenever I get it.
Mark: [sits down] Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're just flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
Johnny: It seems to me that you're the expert, Mark.
Mark: No. Definitely not an expert, Johnny.
Lisa: Do you want me to order a pizza?
Johnny: Whatever, I don't care.
Lisa: I already ordered a pizza.
Johnny: You think about everything, ha ha ha.
Claudette: Everything goes wrong all at once. Nobody wants to help me. And I'm dying.
Lisa: You're not dying, mom.
Claudette: I got the results of the test back - I definitely have breast cancer.
Johnny: [walks into flower shop] Hi.
Flower Shop Clerk: Can I help you?
Johnny: Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?
Flower Shop Clerk: Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you.
[grabs bouquet of roses]
Flower Shop Clerk: Here you go.
Johnny: That's me. How much is it?
Flower Shop Clerk: It'll be eighteen dollars.
Johnny: [hands over cash] Here you go. Keep the change.
[grabs flowers and pats dog on the counter]
Johnny: Hi, doggy.
Flower Shop Clerk: You're my favorite customer.
Johnny: Thanks a lot. Bye!
Flower Shop Clerk: Buh-bye!
Lisa: You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.
Johnny: In a few minutes, bitch.
Lisa: Who are you calling a bitch?
Johnny: You and your stupid mother.
Johnny: Thank you, honey, this is a beautiful party! You invited all my friends. Good thinking!
Denny: I gotta tell you something.
Johnny: Shoot, Denny.
Denny: It's about Lisa.
Johnny: Go on.
Denny: She's beautiful. She looks great in her red dress. I think I'm in love with her.
Johnny: Go on...
Johnny: Everybody betrayed me! I'm fed up with this world!
Mark: You don't understand anything, man. Leave your *stupid* comments in your pocket!
Johnny: I'm tired, I'm wasted... I love you, darling!
Chris-R: [to Denny, who owes him money] Five minutes? You want five fucking minutes? You know what?
[pulls out gun]
Chris-R: I don't have FIVE FUCKING MINUTES!
Mike: I have to go see Michelle in a little bit to make out with her.
Mike: Hi Johnny, what's going on?
Johnny: Oh hai Mike, what's new?
Mike: Oh, actually Johnny, I got a, I got a little bit of a, tragedy.
Mike: On my hands... yeah. Me and... Michelle, we were... we were making out, uh, in your place?
Mike: And, Lisa and Claudette sort of, uh, walked in on us. In the middle of it. That's not the end of the story.
Johnny: Go on, I'm listening.
Mike: OK. We're go-we're going at it, and um, I get out of there as fast as possible, you know, I-I get my pants, I get my shirt, and I get out of there. And then about halfway down the stairs I realise that I, I have misplaced, I have forgotten, something.
Mike: Uh... my underwear.
Mike: So, pft, so I come back to get it, you know, I pretend I need a book...
Mike: I'm looking for my book, and I-I-I reach in and put the underwear in my pocket ready to slide out real quick?
Mike: Well Claudette, she saw it, sticking out, of my pocket?
Mike: She pulls it out, and she's showing everybody... me underwears.
Johnny: You must be kidding, underwear, I got the picture.
Mike: Yeah, I don't know what to do.
Johnny: That's life!
Mark: As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the earth. That's a promise.
Peter: Speaking of which, how did you meet Lisa? You never told us.
Johnny: Oh, that's very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn't know anyone, and I have, I hit YMCA with a $2000 check that I couldn't cash.
Mark: Why not?
Johnny: Well, because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, I was working as a busboy in hotel, and uh, um, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her, and that's how we met.
Mark: So, I mean, what's the interesting part?
Johnny: Well, the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner.
Lisa: Denny, look at me in the eyes and tell the truth. We're your friends.
Denny: I bought some drugs off of him. Things got mixed up. I didn't mean for this to happen!
Lisa: [crying] Denny...
Denny: I don't have them anymore!
Lisa: What kind of drugs, Denny?
Denny: It doesn't matter, I don't have them anymore!
Claudette: It doesn't matter? How in the hell did you get involved with drugs?
Claudette: What? Were you giving them to him, selling them to him? Where in the hell did you meet that man?
Lisa: [screaming] What kind of drugs do you take?
Denny: It's nothing like that!
Lisa: [screaming] What the hell is wrong with you?
Denny: I just needed some money to pay off some stuff!
Lisa: How much do you have to give him?
Claudette: This is not the way you make money!
Lisa: [screaming] How much?
Denny: [screaming] Stop ganging up on me!
Claudette: Well, it is time somebody ganged up on you for God's sake! A man like that! Where in the hell did you meet a man like that?
Denny: It doesn't matter!
Claudette: It matters a great deal! A man holds a gun on you! You almost got killed and you expect me to forget that happened?
Denny: You're not my fucking mother!
Claudette: [grabs Denny by the shirt] You listen, you little boy!
Lisa: No, stop! No!
[grabs and hugs Denny]
Claudette: Somebody had better do something around here!
Johnny: [on overhearing Lisa say she's been unfaithful] How can they say this about me? I don't believe it. I show them. I will record everything.
Johnny: How dare you talk to me like that!
[pushes Lisa back on the couch]
Johnny: You should tell me everything!
Lisa: I can't talk right now.
Johnny: [sits next to Lisa] Why, Lisa? Why, Lisa? Please talk to me, please! You are part of my life! You are everything! I could not go on without you, Lisa.
Lisa: You're scaring me.
[Lisa gets up, but Johnny also gets up]
Johnny: You're lying! I never hit you! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!
Lisa: Why are you so hysterical?
Johnny: [pushes her back onto the couch again] Do you understand life? Do you?
Johnny: [on not receiving his promotion] That son of a bitch told me that I would get it within three months. I save them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I will ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.
Lisa: She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?
Peter: [almost getting thrown off a building] What are you, nuts? GOD!
Mark: [shrugs it off like it's nothing] Sorry.
Johnny: If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live,
Claudette: If you think I'm tired today, wait until you see me tomorrow.
Johnny: Are you okay, Denny?
Denny: I'm okay.
Johnny: Are you *okay*?
Denny: I'm okay!
Claudette: What's okay? He's taking drugs.
Steven: When is the baby due?
Lisa: There is no baby.
Steven: What? What are you talking about?
Lisa: I told him that to make it interesting.
Mark: [confused] I mean, the candles, the music, the sexy dress... I mean, what's going on here?
Lisa: I like you very much. Lover... boy.
Johnny: Hey, everybody! I have an announcement to make. We're expecting!
Lisa: I've lost him, but I still have you, right? Right?
Mark: You don't *have* me. You'll *never* have me. You killed him.
Lisa: Mark, we're free to be together. I love you. I love you!
Mark: Tramp. You killed him; you're the cause of all of this. I don't love you. Get out of my life, you bitch!
Michelle: Your point of view is so different from mine.
Johnny: Of course, what do ya think? They already put my ideas into practice. The bank saves money, and they are using me, and I am the fool.
Claudette: All men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time; there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
Denny: [to Lisa] You look beautiful today. Can I kiss you?
Denny: Can I kiss you?
Lisa: You are such a little brat!
Denny: I was just kidding! I love you and Johnny!
Chris-R: [pointing his gun at Denny] WHERE'S MY FUCKING MONEY, DENNY?
Lisa: Denny, are you okay? What did that man want from you?
Claudette: Oh, that was not nothing!
Lisa: Tell me everything!
Claudette: You have no idea what kind of trouble you're in here, do you?
Denny: I owe him some money.
Lisa: What kind of money?
Denny: I owe him some money!
Lisa: What kind of money?
Denny: Everything is okay! He's gone!
Claudette: Everything is not okay. Denny, that is a dangerous man!
Denny: Calm down! He's going to jail!
Lisa: Denny, what kind of money? Just tell me!
Claudette: What do you need money for?
Lisa: Mom, please! Denny is with me and Johnny!
Claudette: A man like that! With a gun! My god!
Peter: People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.
Johnny: I have a serious problem with Lisa. Um, I don't think she's faithful to me. In fact, I know she isn't.
Mark: Damn, man. Fuck! What do you want to know my secret for, man? Well, you are right. It's Lisa. I don't know what to do, man. I'm so depressed. It's HER fault. She's such a manipulative BITCH!
Johnny: Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all my friends, good thinking!
Johnny: Hi, babe. I have something for you.
Lisa: What is it?
Johnny: Just a little something.
[Playfully hides a package behind his back, then presents it to Lisa. She opens it and pulls out a red dress]
Lisa: Johnny, it's beautiful. Thank you. Can I try it on now?
Johnny: Sure, it's yours.
Lisa: Wait right here.
[grabs Johnny's tie and kisses him]
Lisa: I'll try it on right now.
Lisa: I just wanted to hear your sexy voice. I keep thinking about your strong hands around my body. It excites me so much.
Lisa: I'm fixing the apartment for Johnny's birthday, but I'm really not into it.
Claudette: Oh? Why not?
Lisa: 'Cause I'm in love with Mark, not Johnny. And here I am planning his party.
Claudette: It's not right, Lisa. I still think you should marry Johnny! Now, you can't live on love. You need financial security.
Lisa: But I'm not happy! And he still thinks I'm going to marry him next month. He's a fool.
Johnny: [as Lisa comes down the stairs, changed into the red gown Johnny bought for her as a present earlier on] Wow, you look so sexy, Lisa!
Lisa: [twirls around as she reveals her figure and sways the dress] Isn't it fabulous?
Johnny: What - what's goin' on here?
Mark: [scoffs] You really don't know, do you?
Johnny: [shoving Mark] Maybe I know more than you think I do, Mark.
Mark: Shit, all right?
Johnny: [his last lines] Why? Why is this happening to me?
[pulls out a pistol]
Johnny: God forgive me.
Lisa: It can't wait 'til later. I want to talk right now. You owe me one anyway.
Mark: Okay. All right, what do you want to talk about?
Lisa: She's a stupid bitch.
Peter: [to Johnny and Mark] You guys prove my point. You're both weird.