The Room (2003) Poster


Tommy Wiseau: Johnny




  • Mark : How was work today?

    Johnny : Oh, pretty good. We got a new client and the bank will make a lot of money.

    Mark : What client?

    Johnny : I cannot tell you; it's confidential.

    Mark : Aw, come on. Why not?

    Johnny : No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?

  • Johnny : I kill you, you bastard!

    Mark : You couldn't kill me if you tried.

    Johnny : You betrayed me! You're not good. You, you're just a chicken. Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep.

  • Johnny : Denny, don't you have something else to do?

    Denny : I just like to watch you guys.

  • [Johnny walks to the apartment rooftop] 

    Johnny : I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her!

    [throws water bottle] 

    Johnny : I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.

    Mark : Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

    Johnny : I have a problem with Lisa. She says that I hit her.

    Mark : What? Did you?

    Johnny : [sits down]  No, it's not true. Don't even ask. What's new with you?

    Mark : I'm just sitting up here thinking, you know. I got a question for you.

    Johnny : Yeah?

    Mark : You think girls like to cheat like guys do?

    Johnny : What makes you say that?

    Mark : [gets up]  I don't know. I don't know. I'm just... I'm just thinking.

    Johnny : I don't have to worry about that because Lisa is loyal to me.

    Mark : Yeah, man, you'll never know. People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl; she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.

    Johnny : Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark.

    [gets up] 

    Mark : Yeah, you can say that again.

    Johnny : I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much.

    Mark : Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky.

    Johnny : Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.

    Mark : [pauses, then walks forward]  Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet.

    Johnny : Well, what happened? Remember Betty? That's her name?

    Mark : Betty? Yeah. Yeah, we don't see each other anymore. You know, she wasn't any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments.

    Johnny : That's too bad. My Lisa's great whenever I get it.

    Mark : [sits down]  Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're just flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.

    Johnny : It seems to me that you're the expert, Mark.

    [sits down] 

    Mark : No. Definitely not an expert, Johnny.

  • Lisa : Do you want me to order a pizza?

    Johnny : Whatever, I don't care.

    Lisa : I already ordered a pizza.

    Johnny : You think about everything, ha ha ha.

  • Johnny : [walks into flower shop]  Hi.

    Flower Shop Clerk : Can I help you?

    Johnny : Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?

    Flower Shop Clerk : Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you.

    [grabs bouquet of roses] 

    Flower Shop Clerk : Here you go.

    Johnny : That's me. How much is it?

    Flower Shop Clerk : It'll be eighteen dollars.

    Johnny : [hands over cash]  Here you go. Keep the change.

    [grabs flowers and pats dog on the counter] 

    Johnny : Hi, doggy.

    Flower Shop Clerk : You're my favorite customer.

    Johnny : Thanks a lot. Bye!

    Flower Shop Clerk : Buh-bye!

  • Lisa : Did you get your promotion?

    Johnny : Nah.


    Lisa : You didn't get it, did you?

  • Johnny : Thank you, honey, this is a beautiful party! You invited all my friends. Good thinking!

  • Denny : I gotta tell you something.

    Johnny : Shoot, Denny.

    Denny : It's about Lisa.

    Johnny : Go on.

    Denny : She's beautiful. She looks great in her red dress. I think I'm in love with her.

    Johnny : Go on...

  • Lisa : You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.

    Johnny : In a few minutes, bitch.

    Lisa : Who are you calling a bitch?

    Johnny : You and your stupid mother.

  • Johnny : Oh, hi, Claudette!

    Claudette : Oh!

    Johnny : Bye!

  • Johnny : Everybody betrayed me! I'm fed up with this world!

  • Johnny : I'm tired, I'm wasted... I love you, darling!

  • Mike : Hi Johnny, what's going on?

    Johnny : Oh hai Mike, what's new?

    Mike : Oh, actually Johnny, I got a, I got a little bit of a, tragedy.

    Johnny : Uh-huh.

    Mike : On my hands... yeah. Me and... Michelle, we were... we were making out, uh, in your place?

    Johnny : Hahaha.

    Mike : And, Lisa and Claudette sort of, uh, walked in on us. In the middle of it. That's not the end of the story.

    Johnny : Go on, I'm listening.

    Mike : OK. We're go-we're going at it, and um, I get out of there as fast as possible, you know, I-I get my pants, I get my shirt, and I get out of there. And then about halfway down the stairs I realise that I, I have misplaced, I have forgotten, something.

    Johnny : Mmm-mmm.

    Mike : Uh... my underwear.

    Johnny : Hahaha.

    Mike : So, pft, so I come back to get it, you know, I pretend I need a book...

    Johnny : Uh-huh.

    Mike : I'm looking for my book, and I-I-I reach in and put the underwear in my pocket ready to slide out real quick?

    Johnny : Uh-huh.

    Mike : Well Claudette, she saw it, sticking out, of my pocket?

    Johnny : Uh-huh.

    Mike : She pulls it out, and she's showing everybody... me underwears.

    Johnny : You must be kidding, underwear, I got the picture.

    Mike : Yeah, I don't know what to do.

    Johnny : That's life!

  • Johnny : Don't touch me, motherfucker - geddout.

  • Peter : Speaking of which, how did you meet Lisa? You never told us.

    Johnny : Oh, that's very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn't know anyone, and I have, I hit YMCA with a $2000 check that I couldn't cash.

    Mark : Why not?

    Johnny : Well, because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, I was working as a busboy in hotel, and uh, um, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her, and that's how we met.

    Mark : So, I mean, what's the interesting part?

    Johnny : Well, the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner.

  • Johnny : How dare you talk to me like that!

    [pushes Lisa back on the couch] 

    Johnny : You should tell me everything!

    Lisa : I can't talk right now.

    Johnny : [sits next to Lisa]  Why, Lisa? Why, Lisa? Please talk to me, please! You are part of my life! You are everything! I could not go on without you, Lisa.

    Lisa : You're scaring me.

    [Lisa gets up, but Johnny also gets up] 

    Johnny : You're lying! I never hit you! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!

    Lisa : Why are you so hysterical?

    Johnny : [pushes her back onto the couch again]  Do you understand life? Do you?

  • Johnny : Denny, two is great, but three is a crowd.

  • Mark : So can I come in tomorrow, like late afternoon?

    Johnny : Absolutely. 8:00?

    Mark : Great!

  • Johnny : [on not receiving his promotion]  That son of a bitch told me that I would get it within three months. I save them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I will ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.

  • Johnny : If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live,

  • Johnny : Anything for my princess!

  • Johnny : Are you okay, Denny?

    Denny : I'm okay.

    Johnny : Are you *okay*?

    Denny : I'm okay!

    Claudette : What's okay? He's taking drugs.

  • Johnny : [on overhearing Lisa say she's been unfaithful]  How can they say this about me? I don't believe it. I show them. I will record everything.

  • Johnny : Hey, everybody! I have an announcement to make. We're expecting!

  • Johnny : Let's go eat, hah?

  • Johnny : Of course, what do ya think? They already put my ideas into practice. The bank saves money, and they are using me, and I am the fool.

  • [repeated line] 

    Johnny : That's the idea.

  • Johnny : Peter, you always play psychologist with us!

  • Johnny : Denny, two's great, but three's a crowd!

  • Johnny : I have a serious problem with Lisa. Um, I don't think she's faithful to me. In fact, I know she isn't.

  • Johnny : Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all my friends, good thinking!

  • [first lines] 

    Johnny : Hi, babe. I have something for you.

    Lisa : What is it?

    Johnny : Just a little something.

    [Playfully hides a package behind his back, then presents it to Lisa. She opens it and pulls out a red dress] 

    Lisa : Johnny, it's beautiful. Thank you. Can I try it on now?

    Johnny : Sure, it's yours.

    Lisa : Wait right here.

    [grabs Johnny's tie and kisses him] 

    Lisa : I'll try it on right now.

  • Johnny : Let's go eat, huh.

  • Johnny : HI BABE!

  • Johnny : Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.

  • Johnny : Lisa, TALK to me, PLEASE!

  • Johnny : What - what's goin' on here?

    Mark : [scoffs]  You really don't know, do you?

    Johnny : [shoving Mark]  Maybe I know more than you think I do, Mark.

    Mark : Shit, all right?

  • Johnny : [his last lines]  Why? Why is this happening to me?

    [pulls out a pistol] 

    Johnny : God forgive me.

  • Johnny : What do you want from me, huh? HUH?


  • Chris-R : Hey, Denny.

    Denny : Chris-R. I've been lookin' for you.

    Chris-R : Yeah, sure you have. You have my money, right?

    Denny : Yeah. It's comin'. It'll be here in a few minutes.

    Chris-R : What do you mean it's coming, Denny? Where's... my money?

    Denny : Okay. Just- Just give me five minutes. Just give me five.

    Chris-R : Five minutes? You want five fucking minutes, Denny? You know what? I haven't got five fucking minutes!

    [Draws his gun, grabs Denny and pulls him towards the ground] 

    Chris-R : I'm gonna ask you again, Denny. Where's my money?

    Denny : I don't have anything.

    Chris-R : Where's my money, Denny? Where's my *fucking* money, Denny? What did you do with my fucking money?

    Denny : I swear to God. It's coming.

    Chris-R : Where's my fuckin' money, Denny?

    Denny : Put the gun down!

    [Johnny and Mark arrive, running to Denny to help him] 

    Chris-R : My fucking money! Where's my fucking money, Denny?

    Johnny : What's with this guy?

    Chris-R : Get off! You're fuckin' dead, Denny!

    Lisa : What's going on here? Somebody help!

    Johnny : Let's take him to the police.

  • Johnny : [as Lisa comes down the stairs, changed into the red gown Johnny bought for her as a present earlier on]  Wow, you look so sexy, Lisa!

    Lisa : [twirls around as she reveals her figure and sways the dress]  Isn't it fabulous?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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