D.E.B.S. (2004)
Quotes
Amy: [at Endgame, Amy delivers the formal acceptance speech Max wrote for her] If there is corruption in this city, Lucy Diamond is behind it.
[Lucy enters the auditorium on an upper-floor balcony and listens in painful silence]
Amy: If there is indecency to be found, she is the root. If there is evil in this world, its name is Lucy Diamond. It's not until moments like this when you are forced to take stock of yourself that you see what you are made of. It's not until moments like this when you have to remember what's right and true. Because it's moments like this when you discover what it truly means to be a D.E.B.
[looks up, sees Lucy, and stops reading]
Amy: Which is why I can't accept this award from you tonight. Because, the truth is, the times I spent with Lucy Diamond were the happiest days of my life. And the only brave thing I've done this whole time is what I'm doing now. So if you'll excuse me, I have a date with the devil.
[smiles and runs from the podium]
Mrs. Peatree: Are you kidding me? We conduct a nationwide manhunt for you and you're boning the suspect? Did you think this was a joke? "Let's divert federal resources and man hours so I can have my collegiate lesbian fling in style."
Amy: I was doing research.
Mrs. Peatree: I'll bet.
Lucy, Amy: [Simultaneously] Oh god, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
Amy: Oh my god...
Lucy: Shit.
Amy: You're Lucy Diamond.
Lucy: You're a D.E.B.
Amy: You have the right to remain silent...
Lucy: You're reading me my rights?
Amy: Anything you say can and will be used against you.
[Lucy and Amy look at each other with anticipation. Amy starts to look uneasy. Lucy gives Amy a look like she's just realized how cute Amy is, then Amy talks]
Amy: Okay here's the thing.
Lucy: Yeah?
Amy: I am really not up for dying today.
Lucy: Me neither.
Amy: So, I was thinking that uh, why don't you put your gun down.
Lucy: Why don't you put your gun down?
Amy: You're the criminal and I'm the cop, so I think I'm technically more trustworthy.
Lucy: So far I was totally minding my own business on some stupid blind date when you guys decided to rain shit all over me.
Amy: Wait. You were on a blind date?
Lucy: Whatever.
Amy: With that Russian girl?
Lucy: What?
Amy: Nothing. I just didn't know you were a...
Lucy: Why would you know?
Amy: Wow that really torpedoes my thesis.
Lucy: Look, let's just pretend that we're in Barcelona, and you're in art school, and I'm renting sailboats to tourists, and no one's a super hero and no one's a villain, we're just us.
[Amy looks at her smitten, and kisses her]
Scud: Oh my God! What a disaster! I am so sorry! Leave it up to the D.E.B.S... your in a town a week and their all over you, grabbing...
[Lucy is sitting quiet with a little smile on her face]
Scud: What?
Lucy: I met someone.
Scud: [Slamming on brakes] I knew it! I mean the thing about the dance was a little wierd, but i had a feeling that you and Ninotchka...
Lucy: No, no, no, no, no Scud. Ninotchka was a train wreck thank you.
Scud: [Puzzled] I'm not following.
Lucy: Okay, but you have to promise that you're not going to freak out.
Scud: Freak Out? Why would I freak out...
Lucy: Well, ya know sometimes you...
Scud: [Freaking out] OH MY GOD WHO IS IT?
Lucy: What do you know about an Amy Bradshaw?
Scud: Amy Bradshaw? The girl from the smuggling op?
Lucy: No.
Scud: Oh my god! Amy Bradshaw? Blonde hair? Plaid skirt? She's a D.E.B.!
Lucy: So?
Scud: Okay, not only is she a D.E.B., She's THE D.E.B.! She's the perfect score!
Mrs. Peatree: [to herself, very upset] Treason! Obstructing justice? We're going to be the laughing stock of the intelligence community!
[whirls from fireplace to Amy]
Mrs. Peatree: I'm going to send you so far away that luxuries like toilet paper and diet coke are but a distant memory.
Max: Mrs. Peatree?
Mrs. Peatree: Is someone speaking to me? Because that would be very ill advised.
Max: Mrs. Peatree, this whole incident can no doubt be a source of embarrassment for the academy, and you, right?
Mrs. Peatree: Have I *not* been speaking English?
Mrs. Peatree: Annie,
Madeline: Amy.
Mrs. Peatree: Amy, I think you identify with Lucy Diamond. I think she sees your pathos. You've got some dangerous union symbiosis going on- What's that movie with Jodie? And the little dog falls in the well with the lotion?
Madeline: Silence of the lambs.
Mrs. Peatree: You're the lamb, Amy.
Dominique: You're not as boring as I thought. But you're not as bright, either.
Janet: [Dominique, Janet, and Max are locked in the bank vault. Max is banging on the vault door with a crowbar, and Dominique has lit up a cigarette. Janet looks at her horrified] Please don't smoke! Please?
[looking annoyed, Dominique takes a drag and blows smoke dismissively in Janet's direction]
Janet: [to Max] Tell her not to smoke!
[looking more annoyed, Max rolls her eyes and walks toward Dominique]
Janet: Guys! There's not enough air and soon we're going to be faint on the floor, and the only air left in this room will be toxic!
[Max takes a cigarette from Dominique, lights it, and takes a deep drag which she lets out. Janet, very distressed, approaches the two of them waving her hands]
Max: This is bullshit!
Janet: This could not get any worse!
[Spikes come out of the ceiling and the ceiling slowly lowers toward them]
Max: See? Trap.
Max: It's a trap.
Amy: Whatever.
Max: Hey! Look. Creepy shadows. No bad guys in sight. Confined space! Trap!
Amy: Why are to you giving me such a hard time? Do you think I can't handle it?
Max: No I *know* you can't handle it. You wouldn't know formation kappa kappa gamma if it bit you in your forehead.
Dominique: [acknowledging that this is not the best time for Amy and Max to be fighting] We are going to die.
Amy: [to Dominique] No.
[turning back to Max]
Amy: As your senior officer, I'm ordering you to secure the vault, soldier!
Max: You're "ordering" me?
Amy: Yeah!
Max: [gets gun ready] Fine!
Amy: [they run in - nothing seems amiss] There! That wasn't so bad. I think you guys owe me an apology-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
[falls as trap doors opens beneath her]
Janet: [the D.E.B.S. walk in on Amy and Lucy in bed. Max and everyone but Janet leave, disgusted] You *really* need to check your messages.
Lucy: Well, their poster child doesn't know it yet, but she's into me.
Amy: I'm here because I feel more like me when I'm with you, than I do when I'm with me.
Amy: I think love should be irresistible, like a drug, you know? I think when it happens you should just not be able to help yourself. I just - I wanted... more.
Scud: I am the God of bingo!
Amy: [to Janet] Remember when you got drunk and nearly got the chancellor of Bulgaria killed? And remember how i covered for you? I never told anyone. If Max ever found out you would never get your stripes and NEVER graduate.
President of D.E.B.S. Academy: You are a perfect liar.
Lucy: I guess I'll see you around... 'same bat time' or whatever.
Scud: Knock 'em dead... but not really.
Janet: Have you seen my gun?
Mrs. Peatree: This is not the Girl Scouts, this is espionage!
Dominique: You can't decide matters of the heart. It is madness to try.
