Johnny Depp: Willy Wonka
Willy Wonka : Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking!
Charlie Bucket : You can eat the grass?
Willy Wonka : Of course you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even *I'm* eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
Willy Wonka : Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism", my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
Willy Wonka : [getting his shoes shined by Charlie, his face hidden behind a newspaper] Pity about that chocolate fellow, Wendle, er, Walter...
Charlie Bucket : Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka : That's the one. Says here in the papers his new candies aren't selling very well. But, I suppose maybe he's just a rotten egg who deserves it.
Charlie Bucket : Yep.
Willy Wonka : Oh really? You ever met him?
Charlie Bucket : I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didn't turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.
Willy Wonka : [coming out from behind the newspaper] I do not!
Charlie Bucket : Why are you here?
Willy Wonka : I don't feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?
Charlie Bucket : My family.
Willy Wonka : Ew!
Charlie Bucket : What do you have against my family?
Willy Wonka : It's not just *your* family, it's the whole idea of...
Willy Wonka : You know, they're always telling you what to do, what not to do and it's not conducive to a creative atmosphere!
Charlie Bucket : Usually they're just trying to protect you, because they love you.
[Willy looks away]
Charlie Bucket : If you don't believe me you should ask.
Willy Wonka : Ask who? My father? Ha! No way. At least not by myself...
Charlie Bucket : You want me to go with you?
Willy Wonka : Hey! Hey, what a great idea! Yeah!
Willy Wonka : And you know what? I brought transporta...
[bangs into the glass elevator and falls down]
Willy Wonka : I have to be more careful where I park this thing.
Mike Teavee : Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka : Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!
Mr. Salt : [as the squirrels take Veruca] Where are they taking her?
Willy Wonka : Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt : Where does the chute go?
Willy Wonka : To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
Mike Teavee : Today *is* Tuesday.
Willy Wonka : [after a pause] Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today.
Willy Wonka : The best kind of prize is a *sur*prise!
Veruca Salt : Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels, I want one!
Mr. Salt : Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
Veruca Salt : All I've got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle, and a silly old hamster! I WANT a SQUIRREL!
Mr. Salt : All right, pet. Daddy'll get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.
Veruca Salt : But I don't want any old squirrel! I want a *trained* squirrel!
Mr. Salt : [wearily] Very well. Mr. Wonka? How much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.
Willy Wonka : Oh they're not for sale. She can't have one.
Veruca Salt : Daddy!
Willy Wonka : [imitating Mr. Salt] I'm sorry, darling. Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.
Willy Wonka : Little girl? Don't touch that squirrel's nuts! It'll make him crazy!
Willy Wonka : Good morning, starshine... the earth says hello!
Mrs. Gloop : Where is my son? Where does that pipe go to?
Willy Wonka : That pipe, it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge.
Mrs. Gloop : Then he will be made into strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge? They'll be selling him by the pound all over the world?
Willy Wonka : No, I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.
Charlie Bucket : Mr. Wonka.
Willy Wonka : Huh?
Charlie Bucket : Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa Loompa song unless they...
Willy Wonka : [interrupts] Improvisation is parlor trick, anyone can do it.
[turns to Violet]
Willy Wonka : You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
Violet Beauregarde : Chewing gum.
Willy Wonka : Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
Willy Wonka : Ew, somebody grab him.
Willy Wonka : [sorting through a big bunch of keys] There it is. There it isn't.
Grandpa Joe : Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka : Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
Grandpa Joe : No, sir.
Willy Wonka : Then wonderful, welcome back.
Willy Wonka : [about Violet grabbing the gum] I'd rather you didn't. There's still one or two things that are a...
Violet Beauregarde : I'm the World Record holder in chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!
[pops the gum in her mouth]
Mrs. Beauregarde : How is it, honey?
Violet Beauregarde : It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!
Willy Wonka : Yeah! Spit it out.
Grandpa Joe : Young lady, I think you'd better...
Violet Beauregarde : It's changing... roast beef and baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!
Mrs. Beauregarde : Keep chewin' kiddo! My little girl's gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing gum meal!
Willy Wonka : Yeah. I'm just a little concerned about the...
Violet Beauregarde : Blueberry pie and ice cream!
Willy Wonka : That part.
Veruca Salt : [staring at Violet] What's happening to her nose?
[Violet keeps chewing and her nose starts turning purple]
Mr. Salt : You're turning blue!
Mrs. Beauregarde : Your whole nose has gone purple!
Violet Beauregarde : [touching her nose] W-What do you mean?
Mrs. Beauregarde : Violet, you're turning violet!
[to Wonka; concerned]
Mrs. Beauregarde : What's happening?
Willy Wonka : Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it right, 'cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the Blueberry Pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry!
Violet Beauregarde : Mother, what's happening to me?
[continues to turn purple and starts to grow]
Grandpa Joe : She's swelling up!
Charlie Bucket : Like a blueberry!
Willy Wonka : [to Mrs. Beauregarde] I've tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
Mrs. Beauregarde : But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca Salt : You could put her in a county fair!
Willy Wonka : [as the Glass Elevator passes over a hospital wing, where Oompa-Loompa doctors and nurses are tending to their puppet patients] This is the Puppet Hospital and Burn Center. It's relatively new.
Willy Wonka : You're all quite short, aren't you?
Violet Beauregarde : Well yeah, we're children.
Willy Wonka : Well that's no excuse. I was never as short as you.
Mike Teavee : You were once.
Willy Wonka : Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.
Willy Wonka : I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.
Mr. Teavee : What do you mean?
Willy Wonka : Uh, well... sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
Mr. Teavee : What kind of a question is that?
Willy Wonka : No need to snap, just a question.
Willy Wonka : [bangs into his elevator] I've got to be more careful where I park this thing.
Willy Wonka : [looking at silver hair] I realized in that moment, "I must find a heir".
Mike Teavee : You don't understand *anything* about science! First off, there's a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs!
Willy Wonka : MUMBLER! Seriously, I can't understand a word you're saying!
Willy Wonka : Can you imagine Augustus-flavored, chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew, no one would buy it.
Willy Wonka : Why, I believe they're going to treat us to a little song. It is quite a special occasion, of course. They haven't had a fresh audience in many a moon.
Oompa Loompa : Augustus Gloop / Augustus Gloop / The great big greedy Nincompoop / Augustus Gloop, so big and vile, so greedy foul and infantile / Come on, we cry, the time is ripe to send him shooting up the pipe / But don't, dear children be alarmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed / Although of course we must admit, he will be altered quite a bit / Slowly wheels go round and round, and cogs begin to grind and pound / This greedy brute, this louces ear, is loved by people everywhere, for who could hate or bare a grudge against a luscious bit of fudge?
Augustus Gloop : [Augustus steps in front of Veruca] I'm Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate.
Willy Wonka : I can see that. So do I. I never expected to have so much in common.
[Wonka stops and turns around to Mike]
Willy Wonka : You, you're Mike Teavee. You're the little devil who cracked the system.
[looks at Charlie]
Willy Wonka : And you, well, you're just lucky to be here, aren't you?
Veruca Salt : Will Violet always be a blueberry?
Willy Wonka : No. Maybe. I dunno. But that's what you get from chewing gum all day, it's just disgusting.
Mike Teavee : If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?
Willy Wonka : Once again you really shouldn't mumble, 'cause it's kinda starting to bum me out.
Willy Wonka : [while passing a room where Oompa Loompa's are shearing pink wool from sheep] I'd rather not talk about this one.
Willy Wonka : [after Mike Teavee has been shrunk and sent into a TV] Oh, thank heavens... he's completely unharmed.
[Mike Teavee is taken away and Wonka moves towards the Great Glass Elevator with Charlie and Grandpa Joe]
Willy Wonka : Now, how many children are left?
Grandpa Joe : Mr. Wonka, Charlie's the only one left, now.
Willy Wonka : [looks at Charlie] You mean, you're the only one?
Charlie Bucket : Yes.
Willy Wonka : What happened to the others?
Mike Teavee : [seeing the Oompa-Loompas for the first time] Are they real people?
Willy Wonka : Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt : Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka : Imported. Direct from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee : There's no such place.
Willy Wonka : What?
Mr. Teavee : Mr. Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I'm here to tell you...
Willy Wonka : Well, then, you'll know all about it and, oh, what a terrible country it is.
Charlie Bucket : [During the chocolate river ride, the group passes a door, where a window allows them to see Oompa-Loompas whipping a cow with paddles] Whipped cream.
Willy Wonka : Precisely!
Veruca Salt : That doesn't make sense.
Willy Wonka : For your information, little girl, whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that.
Willy Wonka : Little boy, don't push my button.
Willy Wonka : [explaining that Mike Teavee will have to be brought to the Taffy Puller Room] Boy, is he gonna be skinny.
Willy Wonka : It's gotta be real big, 'cause you know how on TV you can film a regular-sized man and he comes out looking this tall? Same basic principle.
Willy Wonka : The waterfall is most important. Mixes the chocolate. Churns it up, makes it light and frothy. By the way, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall, my dear children, and you can take that to the bank.
Willy Wonka : Stop the boat! I wanna show you guys something!
Willy Wonka : Ah, the administrations offices. Hello Doris!
Willy Wonka : I've just been informed that the incinerator's broken, so there should be about three weeks of rotten garbage to break their fall!
Mrs. Gloop : [as she sees Augustus Gloop drinking the chocolate river] Augustus, My child. That is not the right thing to do!
Willy Wonka : HEY! Little Boy, My chocolate must be untouched by human hands!
Mrs. Gloop : [as Augustus falls into the river] He will drown, He can't swim. Call the firefighter.
Oompa Loompa : [Oompa Loompas start singing] Listen close, listen hard / The tale of Violet Beauregarde / This gentle girl she sees no wrong / Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / She goes on chewing till at last / Her chewing muscles grow so fast / From her face her giant chin / Sticks out just like a violin / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa/ For years and years she chews away / Her jaws get stronger every day / And with one great tremendous chew / They bite the poor girl's tongue in two / And that is why we try so hard / To save Miss Violet Beauregarde / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./
Blueberry Violet : Mr. Wonka!
[Oompa Loompas stop singing]
Willy Wonka : [to Oompa Loompa] I want you to roll Miss Beaurgarde into the boat and take her along to the Juicing Room at once. 'Kay?
Mrs. Beauregarde : The Juicing room? What are they gonna do to her there?
Willy Wonka : Oh, they're gonna squeeze her. Like a little pimple. We've gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately.
[Mrs. Beauregarde runs up to Blueberry Violet]
Blueberry Violet : Mother, help me. Please!
[Mrs. Beauregarde pushes Blueberry Violet into door]
Willy Wonka : [looks at everyone] Come on... Let's boogie!
Willy Wonka : Let's keep on truckin'.
[Willy Wonka claps enthusiastically as his special musical showpiece goes up in flames]
Willy Wonka : Ha ha ha, wasn't that just magnificent? I was worried it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but then that finale... Wow!
Willy Wonka : Uh, you really shouldn't mumble, because I can't understand a word you're saying.
Willy Wonka : [while passing a room where Oompa Loompa's are shearing pink hair from sheep] I'd rather not talk about this one...
Willy Wonka : [to Mike Teavee] Mumbler! Seriously, I cannot understand a single word you're saying!
Mr. Teavee : [has just seen chocolate transported by television] So, can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?
Willy Wonka : Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
Charlie Bucket : But could you send it by television if you wanted to?
Willy Wonka : Course I could.
Mike Teavee : What about people?
Willy Wonka : Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.
Willy Wonka : [hands Charlie a ladle full of chocolate] Try some of this. It'll do ya good. You looked starved to death!
Charlie Bucket : Mr. Wonka? Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa-Loompa song, unless - ?
Willy Wonka : Improvisation is a parlor trick. Anyone can do it.
[Turns to look at Violet]
Willy Wonka : You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
Violet Beauregarde : Chewing gum.
Willy Wonka : Chewing gum is really gross. Chewing gum, I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
Mike Teavee : No, it isn't.
Willy Wonka : [Pretends not to hear] Uh, you really shouldn't mumble. Because I can't hear a word you're saying. Now, on with the tour.
[Starts walking and everyone else follows]
Willy Wonka : I've always made whatever candy I felt like, and I... That's just it, isn't it? I make the candy I feel like, but now I feel terrible, so the candy's terrible.
Willy Wonka : I invited 5 children into the factory and the one who is the least rotten would be the winner.
Grandpa Joe : That's you, Charlie.
Willy Wonka : So, what do you say? Are you ready to leave all this behind and come live with me at the factory?
Charlie Bucket : Sure. Of course. I mean, it's all right if my family come too?
Willy Wonka : Oh, my dear boy, of course they can't. You can't run a chocolate factory with a family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.
Grandpa George : None taken, jerk.
Willy Wonka : A chocolatier has to run free and solo. He has to follow his dreams. Gosh darn the consequences. Oh, look at me. I had not family, and I'm a giant success.
Charlie Bucket : So if I go with you to the factory, I won't ever see my family again?
Willy Wonka : Yeah. Consider that a bonus.
Charlie Bucket : Then I'm not going. I wouldn't give up my family for anything. Not for all the chocolate in the world.
Willy Wonka : Oh, I see. That's weird. There's other candy too besides chocolate.
Charlie Bucket : I'm sorry, Mr. Wonka. I'm staying here.
Willy Wonka : Wow. Well, that's just... unexpected... and weird. But I suppose, in that case, I'll just - Goodbye then. Sure you won't change your mind?
Charlie Bucket : I'm sure.
Willy Wonka : Okay. Bye.