Steve Carell: Brick Tamland
Ron Burgundy : Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
Champ Kind : It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy : It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland : Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy : I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland : Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy : Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
Brick Tamland : Where'd you get your clothes... from the... toilet store?
Brick Tamland : [riding a bear] Hey, Ron. I'm riding a furry tractor.
Brick Tamland : I love... carpet.
Brick Tamland : I love... desk.
Ron Burgundy : Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland : I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy : Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland : [Tries to sound convincing] I love lamp! I love lamp.
Brick Tamland : I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.
Brian Fantana : Don't get me wrong, I *love* the ladies. I mean they rev my engine, but they do NOT belong in the newsroom!
Champ Kind : It is anchor *man*, not anchor *lady*. And that is a scientific fact.
Brick Tamland : [Absolutely furious] I don't know what we're yelling about!
Brian Fantana : You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
Ron Burgundy : [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible! She has beautiful eyes! And her hair smells like cinnamon!
Brick Tamland : [shouts] *LOUD* *NOISES*!
Brick Tamland : I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my stomach's itchy.
Ron Burgundy : [singing] Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
Brian Fantana , Brick Tamland : [singing] Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite / Looking forward to a little afternoon delight / Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite / And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting.
Ron Burgundy : You guys have it, I think.
Champ Kind : I don't know Ron, That sounds kinda crazy.
Brian Fantana : Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
Brick Tamland : Yeah you got mental problems, man.
Brian Fantana : Yeah, he really does.
Brick Tamland : Man.
Veronica Corningstone : ...and that can be very distracting. Okay, so when we get to the pet shop...
Brick Tamland : [while coughing] Cough. Look over here.
Brick Tamland : Excuse me, Veronica?
Veronica Corningstone : Yes? What is it, Brick?
Brick Tamland : I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone : Excuse me?
Brick Tamland : [struggling] The... party. With the... with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone : Brick, are you saying that there's a party in your pants and that I'm invited?
Brick Tamland : That's it.
Veronica Corningstone : Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland : No. Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone : Okay. No. I don't want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland : Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian : No, Brick.
Brick Tamland : All right. Let's go.
[runs off, there is a sound of crashing off screen]
Brick Tamland : It's all right. I'm all right.
Brick Tamland : I pooped a Cornish game hen.
Brick Tamland : [When Veronica is replacing Ron after he fails to turn up. Confused] You're not Ron...
Brick Tamland : I pooped a hammer.
Champ Kind : [uncut version] Tell me about it. I woke up this morning and I shit a squirrel. I mean it, literally. Hell of it is, damn thing's still alive. So I got this shit-covered squirrel down there in the office. Don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland : Oh, I'm sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
Ron Burgundy : This is Ron Burgundy, proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News. Today's story is one of the more remarkable things ever to happen to San Diego or even the world. But in order to properly retell it, I'm going to need some help from my co-anchor, Miss Veronica Corningstone.
Brick Tamland : [comes on camera] High Pressure systems... High pressure systems...
Ron Burgundy : [shoves Brick] No, no, no, no, Brick.
Brick Tamland : Mm. I just burned my tongue.
Brick Tamland : People like me because I'm quiet and well mannered. Years from now a Doctor will tell me that I'm retarded.