Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005) Poster

Angelina Jolie: Jane Smith



  • John Smith : [while driving, pursued by hit men in three black BMW'S]  I never told you, but I was married once before.

    Jane Smith : [slams on the brakes] 

    John Smith : What's wrong with you?

    Jane Smith : [slapping John's arms and legs]  You're what's wrong with me John.

    John Smith : It was just a drunken Vegas thing.

    Jane Smith : Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.


    Jane Smith : What's her name and social security number?

    John Smith : No, you're not gonna kill her.

  • [about the new curtains Jane bought] 

    Jane Smith : If you don't like them we can take them back.

    John Smith : All right, I don't like them.

    Jane Smith : [pause]  You'll get used to them.

  • Jane Smith : [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home]  Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.

  • Jane Smith : Any last words?

    John Smith : The new curtains are hideous.

  • [last lines] 

    John Smith : [at marriage counseling]  Ask us the sex question.

    Jane Smith : [whispers]  John.

    John Smith : [excitingly, stretches out all ten fingers]  Ten.

  • Jane Smith : [after shooting three shots through a wall at John]  Still alive, baby?

  • John Smith : [takes her hand and starts walking towards the dance floor in a fancy restaurant]  Dance with me.

    Jane Smith : You don't dance.

    John Smith : It was just my cover, sweetheart.

    Jane Smith : Was sloth your cover, too?

  • Jane Smith : [after John hands her a small revolver]  Wait, why do I get the girl gun?

    John Smith : Are you kidding me?

  • Jane Smith : [driving a stolen minivan]  My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.

    John Smith : Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?

    Jane Smith : Paid actor.

    John Smith : I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!

  • John Smith : [after throwing her across the dining room table and onto the floor, standing up behind her, welcoming her by gesturing with his fingers]  Come to Daddy.

    Jane Smith : [she stands up bashes him with a teapot wrapped in a white cloth and headbutts him]  Who's your Daddy now?

  • [John has just returned from shooting Lucky at the bar] 

    Jane Smith : Hey baby. I didn't hear you downstairs.

    John Smith : I went down to the sports bar. Put a little money on the game.

    Jane Smith : How'd you do?

    John Smith : I got "Lucky".

  • John Smith : How many? Ok... I'll go first, then. I don't keep exact count, but I'd say, uh, high 50s, low 60s. I mean, I know I've been around the block an all, but...

    Jane Smith : 312.

    John Smith : What? How?

    Jane Smith : Some were two at a time.

  • Jane Smith : [lying down in the hallway of their home]  That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?

    John Smith : Jean-Luc Gespar.

    Jane Smith : Damn, I wanted him.

    John Smith : I got it.

  • Jane Smith : [referring to the hit men in three black BMW'S pursuing them]  They're bulletproof!

    John Smith : [having not heard the hit men in three black BMW'S pursuing them and shot three times at the three black BMW'S chasing them]  They're bulletproof!

  • Jane Smith : There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we *don't* say to each other. What's that called?

    Marriage Counselor : Marriage.

  • Jane Smith : [over a speakerphone]  I thought I told you not to bother me at the office, honey.

    John Smith : [over the Bluetooth headset phone]  Well, you are still Mrs. Smith.

    Jane Smith : [over a speakerphone]  Well, so are a lot of girls.

  • John Smith : Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like.

    Jane Smith : Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.

  • John Smith : [after Jane escapes on a high wire, stand the ledge of the ledge of the floor in her building]  Chicken shit!

    Jane Smith : [shouting from a broken window]  Pussy!

  • John Smith : [over the Bluetooth headset phone, trying to beat Jane home]  That's the second time you've tried to kill me today.

    Jane Smith : [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home]  Oh, come on, it was just a little bomb.

  • Eddie : [sitting in front of John in a diner]  Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.

    Jane Smith : [turns around her chair at the bar]  This lying bitch?

    Eddie : Guess that was just wishful thinking.

  • John Smith : Hiya, stranger.

    Jane Smith : Hiya back.

  • John Smith : I never went to MIT. Notre Dame. Art history major.

    Jane Smith : Art?

    John Smith : History! It's reputable.

  • [both have discovered that they were on the desert and one tried to kill the other] 

    John Smith : I missed you.

    Jane Smith : I missed you too.

  • Jane Smith : [over a speakerphone]  you really expect me to roll over and play dead?

    John Smith : [over the Bluetooth headset phone]  Well, you should be used to it after five years of marriage.

    Jane Smith : Six... and I'm not leaving.

  • John Smith : [while dancing, after Jane asked what had happened to their marriage]  I have a theory, newly developed.

    Jane Smith : I'm breathless to hear it.

    John Smith : I think you killed us.

    Jane Smith : Provocative.

    John Smith : Why do you care? I was just a cover

    Jane Smith : Who says you were just a cover?

    John Smith : [pauses]  Wasn't I?

  • John Smith : I realise you witnessed the Mrs. and I working through a few domestic issues. That's regrettable but don't take that to be a sign of weakness, that would be a mistake on your part.

    [Jane is drumming her fingers impatiently] 

    John Smith : Honey!

    Jane Smith : Wrap it up.

    John Smith : Maybe it's not such a good idea to undermine me in front of the hostage - sends a mixed message.

    Jane Smith : Sorry.

    John Smith : Girls. Where was I?

    Benjamin : Mistake on your part.

    John Smith : Shut up.

  • Jane Smith : [during a marriage counseling session with John present]  We re-did the house.

  • Jane Smith : [dancing with John, he's just finished searching her for weapons]  Satisfied?

    John Smith : Not for years.

  • John Smith : [over the Bluetooth headset phone]  The first time we met, what was your first thought?

    Jane Smith : [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home]  You tell me.

    John Smith : I thought... I thought you looked like Christmas morning, I don't know how else to say it.

    Jane Smith : [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home]  And why are you telling me this now?

    John Smith : I guess in the end you start thinking about the beginning... so there it is, I thought you should know.

  • Marriage Counselor : [during a marriage counseling session]  On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?

    Jane Smith : 8

    John Smith : Wait Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...

    Marriage Counselor : Just respond instinctively.

    John Smith : Ok. Ready?

    Jane Smith , John Smith : 8.

  • Girls walking by House : What's going on, Mrs. Smith?

    Jane Smith : Garden party, girls.

  • [first lines] 

    John Smith : [at the marriage counselor's]  OK, I'll go first. Um... Let me say, uh, we don't really need to be here. See, we've been married for five years.

    Jane Smith : Six.

    John Smith : [chastened]  Five, six years.

  • Jane Smith : I told you to wait for my signal, you didn't wait for my signal.

    John Smith : Well, I improvised.

    Jane Smith : You deviated from the plan.

    John Smith : The plan was flawed.

    Jane Smith : The plan was not flawed.

    John Smith : Anal.

    Jane Smith : *Organized.*

    John Smith : Jane, 90% of this job is instinct.

    Jane Smith : Well, your instinct set off *every* alarm in the building!

    John Smith : My instinct got the job done. It may not have been the Jane show...

    Jane Smith : No, it was the John show: it was half-assed. Like Christmas, like our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.

    John Smith : Your *fake* mother's birthday present.

    Jane Smith : The point is, you are *always* the first to break team.

    John Smith : You don't want a team, you want a servant for hire.

    Jane Smith : I want someone I can count on.

    John Smith : [sigh]  Jane, there's no *air* around you anymore.

    Jane Smith : [irritated]  Oh. OK, what is that supposed to mean?

    John Smith : That means there's no room for mistakes, no mistakes whatsoever. No spontaneity. Who can answer to that?

    Jane Smith : Well, you don't have to. Because this isn't even a real marriage.

    [brooding silence] 

    Benjamin : [locked up in the back of the van, in a bewildered voice]  *Who are you people?*

    Jane Smith : [yelling]  Shut up!

  • John Smith : Did you hear the helicopter dropping me off that night for our anniversary dinner?

    Jane Smith : No. Oh, percussion grenades. I was partially deaf that evening.

  • John Smith : [talking about their predicament, at their dinner table in a fancy restaurant]  So what do we do, Jane? Shoot it out here? Hope for the best?

    Jane Smith : Well, that would be a shame because they would probably ask me to leave once you are dead.

  • John Smith : That left of yours is a thing of beauty.

    Jane Smith : Mmm. You take it well.

  • Jane Smith : [lying down in the hallway of their home]  You ever have trouble sleeping after?

    John Smith : [leaning on the wall next to her]  No.

    Jane Smith : Me neither.

  • Jane Smith : [comparing injuries with John, lying down on the hallway of their home]  I can't feel anything in these three fingers.

  • Marriage Counselor : [during a therapy session with John present]  How often do you have sex?

    Jane Smith : I don't understand the question.

  • Jane Smith : [before she breaks Marco Racin's neck]  Have you been selling big guns to bad people?

  • Jane Smith : You were bait.

    Benjamin : In a manner of speaking.

    Jane Smith : *Were* bait or *are* bait?

  • Jasmine : What? Your husband is the shooter? That's impossible.

    Jane Smith : Really?

  • Jane Smith : [toasting with John in Columbia]  To dodging bullets.

  • Jane Smith : I was never in the peace corps.

  • John Smith : [both pointing guns at each other; John drops his shotgun]  You want it? It's yours.

    Jane Smith : [angrily, insistently]  Don't! C'mon! C'mon!

  • Jane Smith : [hiding with John in a display shed in a Cost Mart store]  There's nowhere I'd rather be than here with you.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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