The Muppets Go to the Movies (1981 TV Movie)

Richard Hunt: Beaker, Janice, Scooter, Sheriff, Statler

Quotes 

• Scooter (as Porthos) : The villain has dropped something--perhaps it is a clue!

  Link Hogthrob (as Gummo) : It is a crumpet.

  Scooter (as Porthos) : A pumpernickel crumpet!

  The Great Gonzo (as Athos) : [fighting the bandit]  A pumpernickel crumpet?

  Scooter (as Porthos) : And furthermore, it has lumps all over it.

  The Great Gonzo (as Athos) : A lumpy pumpernickel crumpet?

  Link Hogthrob (as Gummo) : A crumpy lumpernickel pumpet?

  Scooter (as Porthos) : And in all of France, there is but one bakery which makes such a delicacy!

  The Great Gonzo (as Athos) : And that bakery is?

  Scooter (as Porthos) : Humperdinck's!

  The Great Gonzo (as Athos) : Egad! Humperdinck's lumpy pumpernickel crumpet?

  Link Hogthrob (as Gummo) : Egad! Humperdinck's lumpy humple-crumple pumplehumple...

  Scooter (as Porthos) : And who is the man who loves Humperdinck's lumpy pumpernickel crumpets beyond all things?

  Link Hogthrob (as Gummo) , The Great Gonzo (as Athos) : We don't know, who?

  Scooter (as Porthos) : That simplewimp the Scarlet Pimpernel!

  The Great Gonzo (as Athos) : Yes it is!

  Scooter (as Porthos) , The Great Gonzo (as Athos) : It's that simplewimp Pimpernel and his Humperdinck's lumpy pumpernickel crumpets!

  [to audience] 

  Scooter (as Porthos) , The Great Gonzo (as Athos) : Ta da!

  Link Hogthrob (as Gummo) : Egad! It's that simplewimp Pimpernel and humpy-humper... humpy-dumple... Can we just get on with the story?

• Dudley Moore (as Caesar) : Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.

  Roman Pig : What'd you do with the ones we lent you last week?

  Dudley Moore (as Caesar) : I stuck them on my chariot.

  Roman Pig : Why?

  Dudley Moore (as Caesar) : Because they're chariot-ears.

  [all laugh] 

  Dudley Moore (as Caesar) : Bring me my piano.

  Roman Pig : Bring Great Caesar's piano!

  [Several muppet Romans lug a grand piano onstage] 

  Dudley Moore (as Caesar) : Do you know why they call me "Great Caesar"?

  Scooter : Because "Great Dudley" would sound stupid?

  Dudley Moore (as Caesar) : No, fool, because I provide my own background music.

• Link Hogthrob (as Gummo) : Egad, it's that simple wimp Pimpernel and lumpy gumpel shlumpel dumpel... can we just get on with the story?

  Scooter (as Porthos) : Good idea! For there, the dreaded Scarlet Pimpernel is making his escape!

  The Great Gonzo (as Athos) : Yoinks, Porthos! Thou art correct! Gummo, swing down on yond chandelier and capture yond Pimpernel!

  Link Hogthrob (as Gummo) : Why me? I'm not the strong one.

  Scooter (as Porthos) : No, you're the STUPID one!