50 First Dates (2004)
Rob Schneider: Ula
Lucy : Yeah, that's right. Take that! And that! And that! And that! And that!
Henry : You got him. You got him. Enough. Enough.
Lucy : Are you okay?
Henry : Yes.
Lucy : Okay, I'll be right back. Hey! Come here!
Henry : No, no, no. I think he's had enough. I'm sorry.
Ula : My eye!
Henry : You got him!
Lucy : Not good enough.
Ula : Oh, Kamehameha!
Henry : He learned his lesson!
[to his children]
Ula : You kids suck; you're good at everything!
Henry : Okay, this is her. Start beating me up. Make it look good.
Ula : Give me your wallet. Okay, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island, eat our pineapple.
Henry : Help me! Not so hard. Take it easy.
Ula : Try to bang our women. Making my sister clean your hotel room.
Henry : Okay. What does that have to do with this? Relax. Hey! Hey! Help me, please!
Ula : Stupid haole!
Ula's Kid : Hey, Dad.
Ula : Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau.
Ula's Kid : But your stitches are bleeding.
[while playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist]
Ula : It must have been my huge back swing. You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?
Henry : Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Caddy : I wouldn't surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.
Ula : What's wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.
Caddy : Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut anyway?
Ula : A shark bit me.
Caddy : Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!
Ula : You meet her, hang out, flirt, no commitment, nobody gets hurt.
Henry : She's got brain damage, you psycho.
Ula : Okay, I'll give you that one. But I think it'd be healthy for you. You haven't allowed yourself to connect with a girl for many years.
Henry : I appreciate your interest Ula, but leave me alone.
Ula : Hey, you'd be doing exactly what her father does: Giving her a wonderful day. Then when it's time for you to go on your big boat trip, poof, you just leave. She'll never even know you're gone.
Henry : See I'm not sure about the "poofing" part, because I'm not a very big poofer. Could you demonstrate a good poof for me.
Ula : Quit busting my coconuts for five seconds.
Henry : Alright. Would you stop poofing on that joint and do some work!
Ula : Okay. Let's get this sucker ready. Then we're gonna take her out for a spin.
Ula : [dressed up as Lucy, with a coconut bra on] Aquariums make me super horny!
Ula : [to Henry] My shirt size is medium husky.
Ula : Dude, I met this sexy blonde tax attorney from Florida at Starbucks today. I told her you the kahuna she wanna have fun on this island. You want her number?
Henry : You pimping tourists for me again, Ula?
Ula : Yes! I live vicariously through you, remember? My life sucks. Now, come on give her the Waikikiki sneaky behind the cheeky.
Ula : [to Henry] You're such a lau lau.