The Surreal Life (2003– )
Charo: [trying to get out of Flava Flav's arms in bed] Uh-uh, no spooning. Because spooning leads to forking.
Charo: [the cast has just learned they will be assisting parapsychologist Dr. Larry Montz in determining if an abandoned mental hospital is haunted] People alive don't understand me. How in the world a ghost is going to understand me?
Dr. Larry Montz: Because they communicate more telepathically than verbally, so they're not going to be worried about your accent.
Dave Coulier: [on meeting his housemates] I had to learn two new languages that day - Charo and Flavor Flav!
Charo: The first impression I get when I walk into this house is Liberace with diarrhea, 1940.
Charo: [on meeting Flavor Flav] The first few minutes, I didn't put it together that it was Flavor Flake.
Ryan Starr: It's not like you're ugly or anything.
Jordan Knight: [sarcastically] Oh, thanks for tellin' me I ain't ugly.
Charo: [about Ryan Starr] She didn't want to sleep with Brigitte Nielsen because she's a crazy bitch.
Charo: [about Flavor Flav] I am psychic, and whatever he's telling me, I know he's full of sh*t.
[Flavor Flav sees Brigitte Nielson holding the dog while topless]
Flavor Flav: What are you doing, breast feeding the dog?
Charo: I'm walking around and I see Brigitte Neilsen with her big tits hanging around.
Charo: Oh my God. I hope she doesn't think this is a surreal porno.
[Dave Coulier shows Flavor Flav a pair of binoculars]
Flavor Flav: You can go and sneak up on Brigitte cause she be having the knockers laying down on her chest, kid. For real.
[Looks through binoculars]
Flavor Flav: Uh oh, Brigitte, I see you, G.
[about her first conversation with Flavor Flav]
Charo: I'm psychic. So, I know whatever he's telling, he's full of shit.
Charo: [while standing in an elevator shaft where a patient was allegedly crushed to death] I hear the guy, okay? I'm sorry for him, but I want... I... I want to be alive.
Charo: [On being separated from Jordan to go investigate the electroshock therapy room] If you leave me here alone that's the end of my... of me. I'm a chicken, Doctor. I have a big mouth that's all it is, but I'm a chicken.
Charo: [after seeing the electric chair in the electroshock therapy room] I was terrified to see the electric chair. You know why? Think about it! How many people been electrified in this chair. It's not a toy. It's the chair that alot of people have been sit down there, close their eyes and get roasted.
M.C. Hammer: Even if I did have the worst upset stomach, it would have been done in 5 minutes. I'm a professional.
Corey Feldman: Your a professional crapper?
Dave Coulier: Brigitte is marching to the tune of her own drum, and that drummer has no clothes on.
Ryan Starr: [crying, whining] This is American Idol all over again!
Brigitte Nielsen: [after looking at Flavor Flav's gold teeth] That is ridiculous.
Verne Troyer: [after seeing Adrianne naked, under sushi] I thought... wow... Jesus... this is heaven.
Adrianne Curry: [sees Verne really weird] Verne... Verne... I'm gonna leave water here.
Verne Troyer: [moans] Okay.
Adrianne Curry: That was pretty uncomfortable... it was kind of... orgasmic moaning.
Jane Wiedlin: [Chyna Doll says she's leaving] Are you on crack? You can't leave!
Christopher Knight: [making a movie] Jane... I don't think there's time for that. We should just get to rehearsing.
Jane Wiedlin: [annoyed] Okay, Chris, I know you're trying to help and you've had more experience in directing than I've had... but if you could butt out, that be nice.
Vanilla Ice: [after someone rejects their cookies] We're in the middle of fucking America lady! Buy some fucking cookies!
Tammy Faye Bakker: Oh God.
Joanie Laurer: I'm so fucking happy Sean! Sweeping me off my feet!
Adrianne Curry: [about a scene in The Seven Samurais of Death between her and Christopher Knight] The script called for a kiss. But there was a lot of tongue involved.
Adrianne Curry: We're goin' on a farm, and we're gooooin' campin'.
Marcus Schenkenberg: This is salty, like the pee of my sister!
Adrianne Curry: ...
Marcus Schenkenberg: I'm just guessing.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Let me be the first to tell you that Jose has a wonderful ass.
Janice Dickinson: Who wants to do the nasty nasty in the phone booth?
Bronson Pinchot: The last time I saw a cowboy with that many tattoos, I was at a Cher concert!
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [about Janice] The woman is just, ugh, I feel so bad for her children.
Janice Dickinson: [to a mentally-challenged person] Hey, Rain Man!
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: I can not even *fathom* someone making fun of a mentally-challenged person.
Janice Dickinson: Omarosa comes walking out like she's some kind of supermodel! Omarosa looks like Rick James' Siamese twin.
Sandra 'Pepa' Denton: You can push it, but ya better not push me.
Janice Dickinson: [Omarosa sprays mousse in her hand, startling Janice] I thought something came out of her ass... like a poopy fart.
Jose Canseco: [jokingly] Oh, yes. I think I'm going to have to victimize these ladies.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: So you don't have a temper?
Jose Canseco: Not at all.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Well, I do.
Jose Canseco: [while getting dressed for a strip show, Jose decides to put on something tiny that will reveal his genitals] I'll wear this.
Caprice Bourret: That's gonna go over your wiener?
Caprice Bourret: You sure you wanna go there?
Jose Canseco: If I'm gonna strip, I at least have to do it right.
Caprice Bourret: Jose is definitely not afraid to show his female side.
Janice Dickinson: [Bronson is drilling nails] You're not drilling hard enough.
Bronson Pinchot: You know what, you said that to me last night... and it's very insulting.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [about Jose] My, my, what steroids can do to a body! That man is *hot*!
Bronson Pinchot: [about Janice] This is a *plastic* vagina. Get a real vagina!
Sandra 'Pepa' Denton: Yeah, well, that's Janice. You never know where or *when* she's gonna stop!
Janice Dickinson: [about Omarosa] She looked like Mr. Ed on crack.
Ron Jeremy: So, I'm gonna throw a party for a bunch of my porn star friends!
Traci Bingham: Trishelle, sweetie, I don't think you're grown up enough to have a life style - but I do.
Trishelle Cannatella: Whatever, bitch.
Janice Dickinson: [to the guy at McDonald's] Don't tell anyone that I eat this stuff, it'll ruin my image. Although, my friend Naomi Campbell loves to eat here.
Bronson Pinchot: Have you ever had an abdomen massage?
Caprice Bourret: No. I think it's weird.
Bronson Pinchot: First time for everything...
Caprice Bourret: No. It's weird.
Bronson Pinchot: Come on, just turn over.
Caprice Bourret: Weird.
Bronson Pinchot: Please?
Caprice Bourret: Weird.
Bronson Pinchot: What about now?
Caprice Bourret: Super weird.
Bronson Pinchot: Don't you want a massage?
Caprice Bourret: Super weird.
Bronson Pinchot: Do you want a massage... now?
Caprice Bourret: No. You're a freak.
Bronson Pinchot: Come on, Caprice!
Caprice Bourret: Freak.
Bronson Pinchot: All right, I'm coming down.
Caprice Bourret: You're a freak.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [oft-repeated line directed at Janice] Crack whore!
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [uncomfortable because Janice holds the prop knife over her in the photo shoot] Back the fuck up!
Janice Dickinson: I'm not - I'm not - I'm not backing up. I never said the F word.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: You let a crackhead play with a knife over here.
Janice Dickinson: Excuse me? You know what? Who's the crackhead here? It's just a joke.
Bronson Pinchot: Careful!
Janice Dickinson: Like your wedding dress.
Bronson Pinchot: Leave her alone!
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [after causing Janice Dickinson to have a breakdown and subsquently leave the house] Gurl, SEE YA!