Fever Pitch (2005)
Lindsey Meeks: You love me enough to sell your tickets, I love you enough not to let you. What do you say we try to do all of it. Let's try to jerk one out of the park.
Al: [voice over] Oh, one more thing. You know that little player to be named later? Ben says if it's a boy, they'll name him Ted Williams Wrightman. If it's a girl, Carla Yastrzemski Wrightman. Let's all pray for a boy.
Reporter at Spring Training: Where do the Sox rank in terms of importance in your life?
Ben: I say the Red Sox... sex... and breathing.
[Robin has just announced that her husband is buying Ben's Red Sox tickets. Lindsey asks whether she means for just that day]
Robin: No, I mean like forever. For $125,000, it better be forever.
Sarah: Are you guys that rich?
Sarah: Why don't you dress better?
Troy: Why do we inflict this on ourselves?
Ben: Why? I'll tell you why, 'cause the Red Sox never let you down.
Ben: That's right. I mean - why? Because they haven't won a World Series in a century or so? So what? They're here. Every April, they're here. At 1:05 or at 7:05, there is a game. And if it gets rained out, guess what? They make it up to you. Does anyone else in your life do that? The Red Sox don't get divorced. This is a real family. This is the family that's here for you.
Ben: What are you doing?
Kevin: Relax. I'm a doctor.
Ben: Yeah, well, not to pry, doc, but why are you shaving my balls?
Ben: Well, let's start the interrogation.
Molly: No, no, it's not like that.
Ian: [finishes his drink and hands his glass to Ben] Here. It's for the urine sample.
Ben: Shoot, I wish you would have told me. I just took a wizz in your bushes.
Ben: [while helping sick Lindsay into her pajamas] I won't look - I promise.
Ben: Okay, I looked.
Sarah: Die, Nazi spin bitch!
Ben: I like being part of something that's bigger than me, than I. It's good for your soul to invest in something you can't control.
Lindsey Meeks: You're a romantic. You have a lyrical soul. You can love under the best and worst conditions.
[Ben's friends enter his apartment, to find him re-watching a tape of Bill Buckner's infamous World Series error]
Gerard: Oh, my God.
Kevin: The Buckner game?
Gerard: I thought you took that away from him!
Kevin: I did!
Ben: Bucky Friggin' Dent!
Lindsey Meeks: So you don't have a cell phone, a Blackberry, a pager, nothing?
Lindsey Meeks: Well, what if some sudden crisis occurs, like your father has a heart attack or something?
Ben: My father died two years ago.
Lindsey Meeks: Oh, I'm sorry.
Ben: I just found out this morning, so it's been a rough 24 hours. You know, maybe I should get a cell phone. That's a good idea.
Ben: [laughs] You're funny, Ben...
Lindsey Meeks: Wrightman, yeah.
Ben: You forgot my last name.
Lindsey Meeks: No, I just blanked.
Ben: I know why you forgot. It's all right.
Lindsey Meeks: I...
Ben: 'Cause I bet when you talk to your friends, you call me Ben the School Teacher.
Ben: What are you doing? You're gonna get arrested!
Lindsey Meeks: Don't sell your tickets, okay?
Ben: That's why you ran across the whole field?
Lindsey Meeks: Yes, to stop you.
[a cop tries to intervene]
Lindsey Meeks: Just give me a second, just give me a second, please, please!
Ben: You gotta tell me, wait: the outfield. The grass, is it spongy?
Lindsey Meeks: Ben, focus!
Al: [voice over] Eighty-six years of bangin' our heads against the big green wall, but we finally did it. That part you know. That part everybody knows. But I got a story you don't know. It's about this schoolteacher friend of mine named Ben.
Uncle Carl: [after seeing little Ben is liking the Red Sox after his first game] Careful, kid. They'll break your heart.
Lindsey Meeks: [moans, groans] Oh, just kill me. Just take a hammer and kill me.
Ben: [rings doorbell]
Lindsey Meeks: Oh, shit. Who is it?
Ben: I-It's me, it's Ben. Your date?
Lindsey Meeks: Oh, God, no. Oh.
[Lindsey unlocks and opens the door]
Lindsey Meeks: I'm sick. Come back. I'll call you tomorrow.
[Lindsey closes the door]
Lindsey Meeks: Go away.
Ben: [Ben holds the door open] Wait, wait, wait. What kind of sick? Are you okay? Are you in pain?
Lindsey Meeks: I -
Lindsey Meeks: I ate at this new place. I think -
[Lindsey runs to the bathroom and vomits]
Ben: Are you faking it? Because we don't really have to do this if you don't...
Lindsey Meeks: [vomits] Mommy. Ernie, go away. Ernie, don't eat that! Oh, shit.
Ben: So you wanna pull the plug on this thing, or - ?
Lindsey Meeks: [vomits, coughs]
[after Ben came to Lindsey's door and Patrick answered it]
Ben: I can't believe you're on a date! This is like...
Lindsey Meeks: I'm not.
Ben: Yeah, well, you know what? I, I'll call you. Sorry I bothered you. I'll call you.
[He turns to leave, then comes right back]
Ben: No, no, this is crazy. I'm sorry. I came here for a reason, all right? Look. I love you, Lindsey. And I think we should give this another chance.
[She looks down]
Ben: Did you hear me?
Lindsey Meeks: Ben...
Ben: Look. Look, look, look. You finish your evening, all right? I'll hang out here, and when you're done with your date, we'll get married!
Lindsey Meeks: [She smiles a bit despite herself] I don't think so.
Ben: That's not Yankee dancing - that's Devil Rays dancin'!
Lindsey Meeks: You don't see us tangled up in the sheets with the Eiffel Tower in the background. You see the Mariners are coming in, and Pedro's pitching Friday.
Ben: No, on Saturday. Schilling's Friday.
Lindsey Meeks: Wow, you have quite a little group here.
Ben: Well, it's my summer family.
Ben: [hands shaking as he tries to sign his seats over to Chris] That's odd.
Al: You're havin' a stroke. Good!
Stephen King: Hey Ump, get off your knees. You're blowing the game!
Lindsey Meeks: At what point do you say to yourself, "I'm counting on you to be the one, and I have no fall back plan."?
Ben: ...you do this thing... it's so cute I wanna kill myself.
Al: Al Waterman, have a sponge.
Ben: You know what's really great about baseball?
Lindsey Meeks: Hmm?
Ben: You can't fake it. You know, anything else in life you don't have to be great in - business, music, art - I mean you can get lucky.
Lindsey Meeks: Really?
Ben: Yeah, you can fool everyone for awhile, you know? It's like - not - not baseball. You can either hit a curveball or you can't. That's the way it works...
Lindsey Meeks: Hmm.
Ben: You know?
Ben: You can have a lucky day, sure, but you can't have a lucky career. It's a little like math. It's orderly. Win or lose, it's fair. It all adds up. It's, like, not as confusing or as ambiguous as, uh...
Lindsey Meeks: Life?
Ben: Yeah. It's - it's safe.
Viv: Johnny Damon, you got the sweetest ass in the league!
Al: [voice over] Well, Dwight Evans parked a couple of homers, the Sox won, and by day's end poor Ben had become one of God's most pathetic creatures: a Red Sox fan.
Lindsey Meeks: Did you clean up my bathroom, or did I dream that?
Ben: Me? No. The vomit elves came in. Really adorable. Really cute little things. I mean, little caps and little barf bags.
Lindsey Meeks: Well, thank you. I mean, you really, really went above and beyond.
Ben: Oh, no, please. It wasn't a big deal. I mean, you were very lady-like. Hardly any chunkage.
Ben: [confession time] The thing is, uh, I am a Red Sox fan.
Lindsey Meeks: Yeah?
Ben: No, I'm like a big, big Red Sox fan.
Lindsey Meeks: I know. I mean, I've been to your apartment, seen the Red Sox dish towels and glasses and the Yankee toilet paper. It's like you live in a gift shop.
Ben: It's worse. See, when I was a kid, I moved here from New Jersey, and I didn't have any friends or anything. So my uncle Carl started taking me to Fenway Park. And I just, I got lost in the game. I mean, the ballpark, and the people, the colors, sounds, smells. And then he got cancer and he died, and he left me his season tickets. And it's a passion. I mean, it's a very, very big part of my life. And it's been a problem with me and women.
Lindsey Meeks: Ah. Aaah. I know those women. The 'pay attention to me' and 'why aren't you talking to me?'
Ben: Yeah, exactly.
Lindsey Meeks: God, those women are so pathetic.
Ben: Yeah. It's like, 'What are you getting so worked up for? I mean, you're not even doing it, you're watching it.'
Lindsey Meeks: Yeah!
Ben: Hey, how about, sometimes I like being eleven years old.
[Ben is escorting Lindsey to her first baseball game]
Ben: It's crazy. Will you look at these seats?
Lindsey Meeks: They're, they're very red.
Ben: No, I mean, their proximity to the field! This is Fenway Park!
Lindsey Meeks: Oh.
Ben: You can't buy these seats. You have to inherit them. It's like, uh, a guy offered me a hundred thousand dollars for these once.
Lindsey Meeks: Really. And you didn't sell them?
Ben: No no no. If I ever need the money that bad, I can always call up a rich old lady and give her some sweet lovin'.
[Lindsey has bought books from the Fenway Park gift shop to learn about the Red Sox]
Lindsey Meeks: Do you believe in this? The Curse of the Bambino?
Ben: Hey, it's not funny, it's not funny.
[Ben's Fenway friends all turn to stare at her]
Lindsey Meeks: But Babe Ruth was the Bambino.
Ben: That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he played for the Red Sox; they were great. I mean, they were the Yankees.
Al: They won the World Series in 1912, 1915, 1916, 1918. They were royalty. The elite.
Ben: Al should know. He was there. Actually, he's a hundred and thirty-six years old. He looks great for his age. 1919, their miserable, greedy pig of a boss decides to sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees to finance a Broadway musical.
Teresa: 'No No Nanette'. I would never, ever see that piece of crap.
Ben: And since 1918, the Red Sox have not won a World Series. Yeah. The Yankees have won twenty-six.
[Lindsey is going through Ben's closet and seeing only Red Sox shirts]
Ben: Okay, I'm ready. Let's go meet Mom and Dad.
[She turns to see that he is wearing a shirt with ugly color designs, a black tie, khaki shorts and a jock strap over the latter]
Ben: Nothing. Not a laugh? A giggle?
Lindsey Meeks: This is not a man's closet.
Ben: What do you mean?
Lindsey Meeks: You have one pair of dress shoes. You're like a man-boy. Half man, half boy. You should see the way my sister's husband dresses. He had a professional come in and do his closet. It's like: suit, suit, suit...
Ben: All right! Okay, okay, okay. I see what this is all about. You want your parents to like me more than they like your brother-in-law.
Lindsey Meeks: No, it's not - Yes! Is it so horrible that I want my parents to like you?
Ben: [smiling] Okay. I think we have enough stuff in this closet that we can, we can fool 'em.
[at the gym, Lindsey and Robin are wearing boxing gloves and are hitting punching-bags]
Robin: You know what's happening here? You're being colonized.
Lindsey Meeks: What?
Robin: Colonized. It's like in the old days, when the French and the English would go into Asia and Africa, and they'd raise their flags, and they'd impose their culture, and they'd colonize. It's like, Sarah, when you cut your hair 'cause that guy liked short hair.
[Sarah rolls her eyes]
Lindsey Meeks: Well, wait a minute. You guys are married. Isn't that a part of it? Accommodating each other? You know: How many kids are we gonna have? Where are we gonna live? What pizza place are we gonna order from? Doesn't it require some pliability? Because maybe that's something that I've been lacking in my life.
Robin: [implacably] Isn't it affecting your work?
Lindsey Meeks: No. Not so much.
Molly: You know what I just realized? You're rooting for her relationship to fail.
Robin: What? That's right, why would I do that?
Molly: Never mind.
Robin: No. No, come on, tell me.
Molly: All right. You and Lindsey are both very competitive. Especially with each other.
Robin: She's more competitive than I am!
Lindsey Meeks: I am not!
Molly: And when you were both starting out, you were the more successful one. But now Lindsey's career has skyrocketed, and she's more successful. But you've had the personal success, the marriage. And if Lindsey gets that too, then she's definitely the winner, so you're rooting against her.
[Robin socks Molly in the face]
[after Ben and Lindsey have had a good time at Robin's birthday party and then a satisfying evening at home, Ben gets a call from Troy that the Sox defeated the Yankees]
Lindsey Meeks: Hi. Would you like an omelet?
Ben: They won.
Lindsey Meeks: The Red Sox? Oh, good! This really is your night.
Ben: No, you don't understand. They scored eight runs in the bottom of the ninth, to win 8-7. It was the best game ever. I, I can't - I never miss a game. Ever! This is like a nightmare. This is beyond - this is like a punishment from God or something.
Lindsey Meeks: [no longer smiling] Two minutes ago, you said this was the best night of your life.
Ben: Yeah; two minutes ago, it was!
Lindsey Meeks: Hey. I didn't tell you not to go.
Ben: Oh, no. No, no. Of course not! No. You had nothing to do with it. I just suddenly had a whim, after eleven years of never missing an inning, to suddenly not go to a Yankees game!
[He punches the wall, and the dog whines and hides behind the couch]
Lindsey Meeks: [getting teary-eyed] Hey. Wasn't it you yourself that said, just tonight, it's only a game?
Ben: Oh, that's great. That's great. Pile it on, yeah. Kick me when I'm down, that's great.
Lindsey Meeks: It is just a game.
Ben: Clearly it's not just a game! If it was, then obviously I wouldn't care about it this much! Twenty-three years. Do you still care about anything you cared about twenty-three years ago? How about ten? How about five? Name me a single thing that you cared about for twenty-three years.
Ben: You said you wanted more. I mean, this is as more as there is. There is no more.
Lindsey Meeks: Yes, but this isn't you. This is the other guy.
Ben: What other guy?
Lindsey Meeks: It's October. They're one game from elimination. You're becoming Winter Guy again. I already know I like Winter Guy. It's Summer Guy that broke my heart.
Ben: [sincerely] Summer Guy is gone.
Lindsey Meeks: Yes, until summer.
[At the game, Chris is persuading Ben to sell his Fenway Park seats]
Al: Shame on you. Your uncle Carl saw three thousand games from these seats. He's going to come back and haunt you for this.
Teresa: You realize you're selling your seats for exactly the same price they sold Babe Ruth for!
Viv: You said it yourself: Relationships come and go, but the Red Sox are forever.
Al: I want my sponges back!
[Ben is about to sign away his seats and looks up to Heaven]
Ben: I'm sorry, Uncle Carl.
Al: [disgustedly] Another idiot!
[Ben looks around to see Lindsey, across the stadium, dropping from the wall onto the field]
Ryan: All right, Mr. Wrightman, I gotta bat. Let me just leave you with this thought. You love the Sox, but have they ever loved you back?
Ben: Who are you, Dr. Phil? Get outta here, go hit, go swing the bat!
Lindsey Meeks: [the Yankee Red Sox game is on] No, it's the game!
[covering Ben's ears]
Ben: No, I'm fine. It's just a game.
Lindsey Meeks: I saw you on ESPN.
Ben: Oh! We looked like morons, didn't we?
Lindsey Meeks: Uh, yah, yah, totally. And - not you so much, but...
Ben: Well, it's very hot, you know, it's Florida.
Lindsey Meeks: I'm going to Paris, and I'm taking vous!
Lindsey Meeks: Oui!
Ben: [to his friends on megaphone] Quick break, everybody. There's some nice Pakistani cold cuts there, courtesy of Mrs. Segal.
Lindsey Meeks: Just take a hammer and kill me.
Lindsey Meeks: Now let me ask you guys a crazy question. Are any of you in the habit of looking at numbers - y'know, addresses, license plates, phone numbers - and adding them up and rearranging them in your head to make more interesting patterns?
Casey: Oh my god! She knows my secret shame!
Lindsey Meeks: Well, step into the light my friend. Because this is the church of numbers, and every day is Sunday.
Carrie: OK, so I asked for no ham double turkey but it looks like they gave me double ham. Do you want me to go back?
Lindsey Meeks: Uhh, no, just toss some of it in my mouth.
Carrie: That teacher's here with those kids.
Lindsey Meeks: What?
Carrie: That teacher you talked to on the phone about coming in and having a tour...
Lindsey Meeks: Oh, oh, oh god, that's today?
Carrie: They're here.
Lindsey Meeks: Oh, no! Okay, just pretend that you're me and take them around, and,
[they're entering her office]
Lindsey Meeks: oh HI! There they are!
Ben: Ben Wrightman, we talked on the phone. Nice to meet you.
Lindsey Meeks: Yes, yes, I've been waiting for you. Hi, I'm Lindsey Meeks. Can I get anyone something to drink?
Casey: Vodka martini, straight up, three olives, please?
Ben: [smacks him] Hey, I asked you to behave.
Lindsey Meeks: Uh, are you allowed to hit them?
Ben: Yeah, actually. Do you wanna take a swipe at him? I'll hold him, c'mon.
Lindsey Meeks: Maybe later.
Lindsey Meeks: [Exercising with her friends at the gym] I'm going to be 20+10 and what do I have to show for it... nothing but work!