The Calcium Kid (2004) Poster

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8/10
cute movie
chris12316 September 2004
I've read all the terrible reviews; I wasn't expecting much, especially since I'm unlikely to get any British humor (being in the US and growing up in Asia). But the movie really surprised me at how many times it made me laugh out loud.

The performances are great fun to watch. Yes, the characters are cliché and very 1-D, but they are played with enough enthusiasm and charm to make up for the 'weak' script. There are places where the movie falls on the 'wrong/bad' side of cringe-worthy, like some scenes with Herbie(the manager) and Stan (the best friend), but overall, it's an enjoyable way to spend two hours.

And then, there's Jimmy (Orlando Bloom's character), who with his naivete and haplessness, manages to 'preach' without ever sounding preachy or cheesy. I know this is no Oscar movie, but it isn't as mindless as some comedies out there. At its heart, spoken through Jimmy's dad's quotes, are some good really messages. It's almost a shame that the movie isn't cut for a younger audience. It'd be a good diversion from the usual 'teen queen' movies flooding the cinemas these days.
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10/10
Little Brit flick with a bit of kick to it!
Sweet_Ophelia14 July 2004
Obviously this film is going to come under un-necessary scrutiny because it stars rising talent and heart-throb, Orlando Bloom. But at the same time, his presence in this quirky British 'mokumentary' brought the film publicity which it wouldn't have been privileged to without Bloom's status. A double-edged sword.

Orlando Bloom is clearly a pretty face. And as shown in the Calcium Kid, a very pretty body (ATTENTION to all teenage girls who are a fan of Orlando- he is topless for a fairly long time!). But people are eager to see if Orlando can stand on his own two feet without high-profile and highly-talented actors like Johnny Depp (Pirates) and Brad Pitt (Troy) to help save his films. So far, Orlando hasn't really had a chance to show-case his acting talents as he hasn't yet played the lead role in a film. Until now. Granted, the Calcium Kid is a little British flick (sort of in the same category as Bend it Like Beckham) and it is a comedy, obviously audiences aren't going to see a really insightful glimpse into Orlando's capabilities.

Still, the Calcium Kid is surprisingly...good. That's right. It's funny. It's simple, charming and...funny!

Bloom plays milk-man Jimmy who is an amateur boxer (a hobby of his). Jimmy has had 0 wins. 0 losses. and 0 knock-outs. But a few bizarre mis-haps have Jimmy facing-off with a world boxing champion and things start going terribly wrong as his ignorant, and money-hungry manager, Herbie Bush (very funny Omid Djalili) lands him in the bad-books with his local town.

Look, Bloom isn't going for an Oscar with this film. It is a quaint, funny little British comedy. It is a guarantee'd laugh, and I highly recommend it.

As Jimmy's dad says "in a two-horse race, one horse has to win" - the Calcium Kid is a winning comedy. So give it a go.
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8/10
A simple story is still the very best writing
anniescribe7 January 2005
My sister managed to track down a Region 1 copy of "The Calcium Kid" for me on DVD.

I thought it was a good little movie. It turned out to be MUCH better than I thought it would be; I figured it'd be a comedy and some good laughs, but it had some serious quality to it too, which was deftly executed by the writers, director, and the actors. Anyone who says Bloom isn't a good or even competent actor needs to watch this film, honestly; he lands on the scale talent-wise down below Johnny Depp, admittedly, but he's still as good or better than a lot of "stars" I see on the big screen. (Give me an actor any day of the week over a star, has always been my motto.

I've always in the past liked actors hardly anyone knew.) The story is pretty simple (proving yet again, as I beat my head on my keyboard trying to come up with a good book idea, the best stories have the least bullshit to them). Jimmy Connelly is a milk deliveryman with a dairy. This guy loves milk not just in his job, but in his real life, and has imbibed so much over the course of his life that his bones are hard as granite.

For exercise, Jimmy likes to spar in the boxing ring and answers an ad at a neighborhood gym to help English middleweight hopeful Pete Wright train for his upcoming match with Mexican-American middleweight world champ Jose Mendez in London. Wright breaks the bones in his hand on Jimmy's head and Pete's manager, Herbie Bush, is forced to find someone to step into the ring in only 7 days for the heavily-televised match. He picks Jimmy, who has no sports career, and the press quickly picks up on the new kid in the "David and Goliath" vein of storytelling.

Without giving too much away, I'll just say Jimmy encounters obstacles along the way, both humorous and poignantly sad. He starts the movie as a wide-eyed, cheerfully simple fellow and ends it pretty much the same way, but does grow as a character. There are several points where Bloom's expressive facial features - eyes, mouth, eyebrows - tell a lot more than even what Jimmy is saying, and it seems he takes direction very well from whomever is behind the camera. Jimmy's no brain trust, but when push comes to shove, he's smarter than he looks, at least in common sense.

The movie is filmed "mockumentary" style - the "director" is setting out to document Pete Wright's training a week before the match, as well as his daily life and background, but switches to Jimmy's story once he steps into Pete's place. The use of cutaway shots and still frames is a bit odd at first, but you get used to them, and it works; ditto with the soundtrack choices.

There were several supporting characters I liked a lot, in addition to Jimmy. His manager, Herbie Bush (forgive me, I don't have all the actors' names in front of me as I write, so I'm going to refer to the character names), is a guy looking to make a buck any way he can, and usually comes off as strictly an opportunist lout. He's not really a bad guy, though - he thinks fast on his feet and talks too much, but his schemes just don't usually work out the way he envisions.

Probably the characters I'll remember the most, though, are the crazy neighbor girl, Margaret, and Jimmy's pal Stan. Margaret reminds me of those celebrity stalkers you read about, who just adores Jimmy. She is not, however, the woman you want to see him with at the end of the day. Stan is a comfortably slovenly overweight fellow who sticks by Jimmy when things go bad, and ends up helping him train in odd ways. Another character I liked was Paddy, Jimmy's trainer, who keeps calling him the wrong name, LOL. ("You mad old Irish bastard! My name's NOT Johnny! It's Jimmy!")

All in all, I will definitely watch it again. I get excited by good storytelling, as a writer, because it inspires me in small ways.
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10/10
One of Orlando Bloom's better films!!
Psylocke8330 January 2005
This is a sweet and charming comedy about the milk delivery man Jimmy Connally (played wonderfully by Orlando Bloom) who gets the chance to fight against the undefeated world championship holder Jose Mendez in a boxing ring in London.

I must admit I didn't have much hopes for the film, I like British comedies but the story seemed uninteresting to me, as I had only read a few (bad) summaries on the Net. I came across the trailer, and suddenly the film seemed exciting, and because I'm such a sucker for Orlando's pretty face, I got the film and I fell for it almost immediately!

This is without a doubt one of Orlando Bloom's better films. Comparing it to his other films, let's say Troy...Troy might have been a major Hollywood movie, with a famous cast, expensive sets and a huge budget, but as Hollywood destroyed the story, I suspect everyone got disappointed by it. Calcium Kid has no flashy film sets, no huge Hollywood Superstar names lining up on the posters, and not an especially big budget, but it only proves that everything mentioned above isn't needed to kick Hollywood's ass. :)

The cast of this film is great (with the exception of Billie Piper, who destroys every scene she's in), Orlando may be the big name, but the other actors shouldn't go unnoticed. Omid Djalili and David Kelly, especially, are doing terrific jobs!!

It's a wonderful film that makes you want to see it over and over again. Don't forget to check out the Deleted Scenes on the DVD!!!
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7/10
Great, underrated little film
new_skin15 September 2006
I first saw 'The Calcium Kid' at the end of 2004, and have since bought the DVD. This movie is very underrated, with great performances from a mostly-unknown-outside-of-the-United-Kingom (at the time) cast. The film begins a week before a much-anticipated title fight between World Champion Jose Mendez (Michael Pena-Crash) of the United States and the undefeated British challenger Pete Wright (Tamer Hassan-The Football Factory). Wright is injured while sparring with Jimmy Connolly (Orlando Bloom), a milkman who is yet to have his first fight. Fearful of losing his chance at fame, Wright's manager Herbie Bush (Omid Djalili) replaces Wright with Connolly without telling Mendez or his take-no-prisoners manager, Artie Cohen (Michael Lerner-Barton Fink). The fight gains huge amounts of publicity due to the unusual nature of it, and the days preceding the fight send Connolly spiraling from underdog hopeful to fascist and everywhere in between.

Orlando Bloom is great in his performance as Jimmy Connolly. I think it is his best yet, in fact. As the leading man, he shows his skills at comedy, and is free from being overshadowed by the ensemble cast of Lord Of The Rings and Pirates Of The Caribbean. His reactions to the situations he finds himself in over the days before the big fight are priceless and pulled off realistically. Bloom, acting outside his normal period piece roles, proves that he can pull off many a different role.

Tamer Hassan is also great as the disgruntled Pete Wright. Despite his attempts to publicly humiliate Connolly and Bush, you really feel for his situation. Having the chance of a lifetime taken from you by a milkman is enough to set anybody off, and Hassan does the role justice in a hilarious way.

The Calcium Kid features great performances all around, such as those I've already mentioned, as well as Michael Pena, Michael Lerner and Omid Djalili. Look for supporting roles by Rafe Spall and Billie Piper as well.

Lastly, something must be said of first time writer/director Alex De Rakoff. The script is hilarious, and the mockumentary-style directing are spot-on. I only hope this is the first of many for De Rakoff.

To conclude, The Calcium Kid is one of the funniest films I've seen in a long time. Not only that, but Bloom's performance really makes you want to see his character pull off the upset of a lifetime. See this film; you will not be disappointed.
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9/10
Even if you don't like boxing, you'll love this movie
Sarah (proficy)6 December 2004
So far, this is my vote for the Feel Good Movie of the Year. It the whimsical story about an amateur (record: 0-0-0) boxer, played by Orlando Bloom, going up against the World Champion, played by Micheal Pena.

The movie is shot in a pseudo-documentary style, so you really get to know the characters personally. There are quite a few laugh out loud parts, and the story goes along pretty well. The filmmakers used some standard movie "cliches" and stock characters, but they used them quite effectively.

Orlando's character, The Calcium Kid, is very endearing. You just want to hug him and pinch his cheeks through the whole movie! xoxo The cast meshed really well.

Even if you don't like boxing, you'll love this movie. Boxing is just the subtheme for a cute British comedy with a few real feel good moments.

**** for me!
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2/10
not my style
nortshell2 January 2007
I was disappointed by this film. Consindering that it was from 2003 I don't understand why a star like bloom would ever agree to such a script. Maybe it was the directors fault but I really didn't like the acting, and I've seen what bloom can do "kingdom of heaven" and this was nothing.

The story was lacking, the acting not very convincing and I really did not feel for this film. Bought it, and probably wont see it again unless I got serious hangovers and already have seen all the good stuff.

Orlando was very childes and the performance didn't look whole hearted. Some of the supporting acting was okay.
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A wonderful view into the many facets of Orlando
tvance-19 September 2004
In a era of 'reality TV' this low budget 'mockumentary' is a diamond in the rough, the storyline has heart but also manages to be one of the most amusing films I've seen in some time. It's a great movie about overcoming your fears and beating the odds, and it accomplishes this with laughter all the way which is a precious commodity this day and age. I find that I am Very anxious to add this movie to my collection, as soon as it's available in the States that is. :-) As a huge fan of Orlando's it was gratifying to see him turn in ANOTHER wonderful performance but it was truly great to see his sillier side come into play and I'm glad someone finally tapped into the comic talent his true fans know he possesses. Orlando's many fans in America will be blessed when this DVD is made available to us, and unfortunately for the guys, he will steal even more hearts so you can all just stop your crying now!
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8/10
Very British, Very Funny
nazgul74814 March 2005
The Calcium Kid is very funny in the tradition of "Young Frankenstein" and Monty Python stuff. Orlando Bloom shows that he can do more then play the swashbuckler. The humor ranges from subtle to absurd. The screenplay was just a little shy of pure genius. Sometimes it's nice to see a film that is just for fun. The actors have a chance to have fun and make fun of themselves. Orlando Bloom plays a wonderful part as our hapless hero. The supporting cast is great. The direction was hilarious. Pay attention though, you might miss some very funny stuff!! I give it 8/10 for the quality of work throughout the production. I literally laughed out loud several times. It's worth watching at least once, but I'll bet you'll want to see it again.
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7/10
Not at all bad!!!
chickadee194 October 2004
I must first admit to being a big Orlando Bloom fan, yes, for the looks not the acting, and was looking forward to this film. I was not disappointed. The story of Jimmy(Bloom) an amateur boxer being put up against Jose Mendez, world champion, is set in the style of a mocumentary. Billie Piper's long awaited film debut, though not a supporting role, could have had a bit more depth. Even so the film is simple and very cute. There are a few humorous moments and all in all I have to say i enjoyed this movie. Bloom's woodenness in other films is disguised by the fact he is playing a slightly dim character in this movie and even though this is not a brilliant film, I did make me smile!!
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5/10
Awkward little film.
Boba_Fett11384 September 2006
No wonder this movie never got a world wide release. It's a simple made little movie that tries to be original in several different ways but fails at it in about every way possible.

This movie is supposed to be a fake documentary, a so called mockumentary, that focuses on the build up to a title-boxing match, set in London, between the champion Jose Mendez (Michael Pena) and the underdog and milkman Jimmy 'The Calcium Kid' Connelly. It makes you wonder that if this is supposed to be a fake documentary, than why isn't it made in documentary style. It uses movie camera positions, lighting and editing, complete with cuts and different positions and a chronological scene build up. Basically the only way they tried to make it look a bit like a documentary, is by adding a 'camera' voice-over and they let the camera being attacked and talked into a couple of times. It's really lame and it certainly doesn't add to the credibility or realism of the movie. The movie as a whole is hard to take serious since it goes comically so over-the-top that it isn't even good as a funny one. The humor is lame and simple, the sort of stuff a 9-year would normally come up with.

The movie is made in 'new-English style'. The kind of style which Guy Ritchie first began to use in his movies. Fast editing, fast pace, a cool style and music, over-the-top character and lots of humor. This is probably the only reason why this movie still remains a perfectly watchable one. It however does not always work out perfect. The characters for instance are all far from likable and/or comical. The humor itself on its own is also quite simple and awkward. This movie is far from funny or clever.

The movie is filled with surprising many good and well known actors, for such a small movie as this one. The material and dialog they have to work with however isn't world class and the barely manage to make certain sequences and situations to still work out. Most of the actors also feel out of place. Orlando Bloom certainly isn't in his element as normal and simple everyday person. He just isn't the greatest comical talent around, which shows in this movie.

Reading the premise of this movie, a inexperienced underdog against the boxing champion, one could immediately scream; "Rocky" ripoff! It certainly is true that this movie is far from original and the fact that the movie literally also spoofs some moments and entire sequences, completely with the same music, from the Rocky movies doesn't help to make this movie an original one that you can take serious as a boxing movie, not even as a comical meant to be one. In the end the movie still tries to take a surprising and non-formulaic twist but the twist is far from good, interesting or funny for that mater. As a matter of fact it gives the movie a bad aftertaste.

A failed movie on many accounts. Still somewhat watchable thanks to its style.

5/10

http://bobafett1138.blogspot.com/
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10/10
A wonderful lighthearted comedy.
missnevaratoiel8 September 2004
It's so cute! Amateuristic, yes, and also documentary style. OK, I admit, I bought it because of Orlando, but I wouldn't have if everybody had said it was bad. I read bad reviews on it, but my online buddies said to me it was a sweet and funny film. And it is!

Like Ned Kelly, this is a film where Orlando really acts very well in. He should do a bit more of these lighthearted comedies, though the sad parts in it are really well established and acted. The first time I really needed the English subtitles, because that London accent (if it is) is really something, they're really swallowing almost every single 't'! It sounds funny nevertheless. But now I can watch it without the subs.
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Ridiculous plot with over the top acting
Gordon-1113 June 2007
This film is about a milkman being chosen to stand in in the world championship boxing fight.

The dialogs are bad. The acting is so over the top. In every single scene, things are done in such an exaggerated way that it becomes unbelievable. The plot is ridiculous that only a kid would find it interesting. The jokes are not even funny. The only entertaining scene in the film is the performance of a hip hop version of the British national anthem, which is actually rather good. It goes down as an embarrassment to Orlando Bloom's portfolio. This film is so ridiculous that it is no wonder that it is not surprise that it went straight to DVD in most countries.
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7/10
Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome......
Cinema_Fan30 October 2005
Warning: Spoilers
This little gem of a movie is quite a rare find; if you come across it then you should definitely go the full ten rounds and give it your best shot. Set in modern day London and starring a very young and fresh faced Orlando Bloom no less. Derek Boyle, Alex De Rakoff, who also directed, and Raymond Friel have written the screenplay. They have done an excellent job of giving every character in this movie its own identity, practically the role's of the dodgy boxing promoter Herbie Bush, what a fantastic name, played by "The Mummies" Omid Djalili. Then there is the very talented and extremely funny David Kelly, who plays Jimmy's always drunk, too old and talent less boxing coach who was found in the pub five minute's before he meet's Jimmy. There is also Jimmy's yet to be girlfriend Angel, played by a young Billie Piper.

Jimmy's main ambition in life is to become the regional manager of the milk delivery firm he work's for, but these plan's don't come about due to a very unexpected accident at the Boxing Club he hang's out at. This is where is troubles begin, as Jimmy has drunk a bottle of milk every day all his life it has turned his bone's as hard as steel, so when sparring with the British World Title contender, he then hit's Jimmy's head, thus breaking his wrist week's before the important bout. In the meantime, there is a fly on the wall film crew following their every move, Jimmy has a stalker lady friend who he just cannot get rid off and then the local skinhead's get involved by mistaking him for a fascist. His father is in prison for A.B.H. and his mum is a sex therapist that works from home, and to top it all off he has to fight the World Champion, an American, as a stand in for the damaged British contender.

This really is a very funny movie, well written and very well acted and to see the future star's of tomorrow young and fresh makes this movie quite a novelty. My best advice for this movie is don't throw the towel in until you have had at least one round in the ring with this great rarity.
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7/10
Has its moments..
Angelus25 July 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Jimmy is a milkman who knocks the contender for the world championship belt out....So Herbie the boxing promoter decides that Jimmy is the next great one...And so Jimmy's journey to greatness begins, in this slapstick comedy.

The film has its moments with some great lines from Omid Djalili, who takes on a more pivotal role in this film as the scheming and sometimes completely idiotic coach...While Bloom puts a good solid performance as the 'Happy-Go-Lucky' kid... I thought the end boxing match was a little odd..

They could have had an actual fight scene... But all in all loved the documentary side to the film...Hilarious!
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10/10
This should be available in America
Angel_of_Darkness8713 October 2005
Warning: Spoilers
This movie should so be available in America. My dear friend Sarah, who lives in Wales, sent me this DVD. I thought it was one of Orlando's Best movies and yes I've seen them all (except Elizabethtown). Because he doesn't have to be so serious all the time. This is a "fun" movie.

Jimmy is a sweetheart, and a completely lovable character. His mate Stan is a bit on the dumb side, but I suppose everyone needs a dumb friend to make them look smarter. Herbie Bush, is a stereotypical scum bag. Jose Mendez needs to get off the "Choosen One" trip. And the creepy stalker chick should have been hit by a bus.

I thought it was hilarious, a bit on the sad side in some parts. So I don't know why the film wasn't released in the US.
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Better than you'd think
qwertyasdfg111 June 2004
This one was treated unfairly by the press. All the hype on Orlando Bloom, and not a word about the genuinely funny support performances.

Consequently i went to see this wholly expecting another turgid but plucky Brit flick. What i got was a lively, energetic, jolly affair; OK maybe with a lull two thirds through, but funny stuff. It raised a couple of belly laughs, lovely reaction shots; and showed that Orlando, with his sweetly played naiveté, if he keeps hanging out with the comedy support on show here (including a couple of the Spaced guys, Omid Djalili and the hilarious Rafe Spall), he could give us a good comedic turn himself in years to come when he takes a break from the blockbusters.

B+
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Enjoyed it!
rfc_17_f8 June 2004
I thought that The Calcium Kid was a good wee film. It was an interesting story. It was good to see how Jimmy prepared himself both physically and mentally in order to fight against Jose Mendez. Was also good how they portrayed Pete Wright as a Cockney thug hell bent in revenge against Jimmy. Orlando Bloom played this role well! Good on him! I enjoyed how they also portrayed Jimmy's manager. He was arrogant slimy and showed what it could be like if you were gonna get yourself a manager. Felt sorry for Jimmy as he was turned against because the manager was a bit of a prat and only wanted tension. Poor guy. The fan who went to Jimmy's house was quite good as well. That showed that there are fans who can do that sort of thing and just appear at their idol's door. She was convincing! Overall a very good film considering it was a low budget one. I couldn't pick anything that was wrong about it off the top of my head!
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10/10
funny!
lindercandd@aol.com10 May 2004
I have to admit that i went to see this film because Orlando Bloom is in it but i was presently surprised the jokes were good the acting was good and the boxing looked real.

there was moments in this film that made me laugh out loud, orlando bloom irish dancing in the boxing ring, and billie pipers comments were also funny.

orlando was completley believable as the milkman come boxer and proved that it isnt just the big blockbusters with huge budgets and special effects that he can act well in. and the ending was not at all what i expected.

a really good british flick well worth a look!
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8/10
Quirky, Brit comedy
NikkiClare3 May 2004
After seeing this film, I actually thought it was quite unfortunate that we will never see Orlando Bloom in a role like this again, due to his roles since in blockbusters since, which have catapulted him out of the reach of the average low-budget film maker. He carries the role extremely well, and I think this will serve as definite proof that he isn't just there for his pretty face.

Now, this is defiantly a film made for the British sense of humour, consistent laughs most of the way through, except a brief lull in comedy in the middle, where the emotional bit comes in, but it's defiantly not just a film for the Orlando 'fan girls' out there (they may not enjoy the ending)!

It's such an absurd idea for a film that you can't help but be impressed when it turns out to be an enjoyable film, that gets you so involved that you may find yourself cheering for 'The Calcium Kid' towards the end - well I did anyway.

So. got milk?
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7/10
A delightfully understated comedy
Aedgyth1 May 2004
A delightfully understated comedy following the long British tradition of taking a single mad idea and planting it in the real world, now. The film has received some less-than-favourable professional reviews, but being a fan of Orlando Bloom I saw the movie, and was pleasantly surprised to find it a genuinely amusing little item. On some levels a head-on collision between Strictly Ballroom and Rocky, the movie is set in grittily realistic South London, and features a charmingly disingenuous central performance from Orlando Bloom, backed-up with sterling support from the whole cast, with particularly enjoyable work from Omid Djalili and Ronni Ancona. Whimsical, slight, entertaining stuff.
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10/10
This film is great and under rated.
samanthakennard28 July 2004
I think that this film is incredibly under rated and is in fact really good. It is the sort of film that is not a blockbuster everyone must see movie but is a small and local film.

I think that Orlando Bloom was great and this film means a lot to me as I am a fan of Orlando and this is his first main part in a film. I think he didn't completely muck it up as some news papers say but he did a good job of it.

Over all, I would by the film on DVD and it is watchable. I really liked the film and the fact that Orlando had his top off and was again, extremely fit as he is always in all his films.
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1/10
I wanted to hang myself after this film.
Scarlet McNally9 July 2005
Warning: Spoilers
What the hell is the matter with this movie? Firstly, I've seen some bad Orlando Bloom films, but this one just takes the mick. His accent is simply terrible. The jokes in this film are pathetic. I wanted to cry at the embarrassment of this film. I just don't get how people think that it is even remotely good. After the first 10 minutes (which included Mr Bloom feeling himself up in his bed) I just couldn't stand much more. I don't see how anybody can sit through this movie, even if it does have a popular heart-throb (although horrendous actor) Orlando in it, it's just a very very badly made and badly acted film.

Shame on you.
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8/10
So funny!
lynette-gilbert9 March 2012
I only watched it because it was the only Orlando Bloom film on Netflix that I hadn't seen. I thought it was really funny, and I laughed out loud quite a few times. The casting was fantastic, and Orlando Bloom was hilarious! It's good to know that he can act in something other than an action film. I also felt that the film succeeded in the mockumentary format, something which can be very tricky. This was a sweet and funny film that felt genuine, no overacting or overly ridiculous stunts. I was pleasantly surprised to see my favorite time traveling companion Rose Tyler. I have to say, I also found the film to be inspiring. I would definitely watch this film again!
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