Over the Hedge (2006)
Garry Shandling: Verne
Ozzie : But this house is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in?
RJ : The collar is the key.
[Shows video on cell phone of Tiger entering door]
RJ : Literally, the collar is like a key that opens the door, and if...
Stella : And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you?
RJ : Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.
Verne : Her?
Stella : Me?
RJ : You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using...
Stella : My stink.
RJ : ...your feminine charms.
Hammy the Squirrel : Ha ha ha! - Was that out loud?
Verne : [to RJ] You see what you've done here? If they listen to half the stuff you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week! You are only interested in taking advantage of them because they are too stupid and naive to know any better!
Hammy the Squirrel : [growing solemn] I'm not stupid.
Verne : [noting the family's reaction] Okay, I didn't mean, uh... I meant... ignorant! To the... ways over... over, over there.
[they begin walking away]
Verne : C'mon you guys, you know I didn't mean it like that. Don't... don't do this. Stella... Ozzie?
Verne : Hammy? You know I didn't... Hammy?
Hammy the Squirrel : [pushes him away] I'm not stupid...
Verne : I thought we'd be dead by step two, so this is going great.
Verne : You're the devil.
RJ : Something you said yesterday really touched me right here. It starts with an F, remember what that was?
Verne : Family?
RJ : Yeah yeah right that. You see Verne I use to have had all that. My own place, surrounded by loved ones, universal remote. But all that went away with... the weed hacker incident.
Verne : [after getting chased away] See what I mean? That's what I was talking about. These humans don't want us *around*.
RJ : So we scared her and she over-reacted, no biggy.
Verne : No biggy? No that's what we call a biggy.
RJ : C'mon, think about the food, it was worth it for that food, that stuff is to die for.
[Ozzy faints and Heather rolls her eyes]
RJ : Let me rephrase that.
Verne : No, to die for, you nailed that part. Look, maybe our little forest life seems primative to a guy with a bag.
RJ : What!
Verne : But I think I speak for all of us when I say that we want *nothing* to do with *anything* that's *over that hedge*.
[they begin to walk away]
RJ : Oh come on. You haven't even tried doughnuts yet. You wanna store some fat, that is the way to store some fat, you'll be sweating through the winter.
[they don't listen]
RJ : Okay, okay you guys sleep on it. Good idea, I'm gonna check back with you.
RJ : Shoot! Almost had them.
RJ : Please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I think I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise.
[Points at map]
RJ : Except for that little-bitty speck. You are here.
RJ : No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?
Hammy the Squirrel : Aha! We fill the log!
Verne : Hammy.
RJ : Really? This log? This cave-like log?
Ozzie : All the way to the top.
Verne : Ozzie.
RJ : Let me ask ya, how long's it take, you know, to fill the log?
Heather : Two-hundred and seventy-four days.
RJ : Ooh! Ever done it in a week?
Verne : That's impossible.
RJ : Not if we work together. You see, you've got the food-gathering skills, I've got the know-how, and they have the food.
Heather : How much food?
RJ : Loads of food! Heaps of food! Food out the wazoo!
Verne : Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
Lou : I don't know. The guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
Penny : Yeah. I'm okay with wazoo food there.
Ozzie : O great and powerful Steve! What do you want?
Verne : I-I don't think it can speak.
Debbie : [From other side of hedge] I heard that, young man!
[Others are shocked; Ozzie plays dead]
Debbie : You get over here right now!
Hammy the Squirrel : Okay.
Verne : Hammy, get back here.
Hammy the Squirrel : But Steve is angry.
Verne : I think it came from the other side of Steve - I mean, the bush. I mean... Geez!
Verne : It's the first day of spring. Only 274 days left until winter.
RJ : Now, the traps are set here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Here, here, here, here, big one here, here, and maybe a few over here.
Stella : Gee, it's that all?
RJ : No. There's bunch of red lights all over here. You OK, Verne? Look a little green.
Verne : I blacked out for a second there, but... I get the idea: there's lights, traps and I might need to change my shell.
Verne : We want *nothing*, to do with *anything*, that's *over that hedge*!
[Verne feels like ther is something wrong]
Verne : My tail is tingling!
Verne : Come on, you guys!
[Tries to be intimidating]
Verne : Don't make me come in there!
Stella : [Heard beneath the leaves] Y'all better listen... I've been holding something in all winter and I'm about to LET IT OUT!
Penny : [Animals scatter from under leaves] Whoa!
Ozzie : She means it!
[as the leaves and dust settles, Stella is shown in her "firing" position]
Verne : [Politely and grateful] Thank you, Stella!
Stella : [Nonchalantly] Oh, I can clear a room, Verne. That much I can do!
Verne : My head says listen to my tail, my tail says listen to my head, and I just... end up with an upset stomach.