James: Now it's all about photo placement. So if you're in a group of three always, always, always make sure that you're the one standing on the right because that way when they print the picture you'll be the one on the left. The caption will read "James St. James and bla bla bla" were seen, okay?
[Michael is taking notes]
James: Okay. Rules of press. Number one, no publicity is bad publicity. Number two, once something is printed it automatically becomes true. So number three, never ever dish anyone in print. Never be seen drinking anything other than champagne and never take heroin. Never wear white after Labor Day and avoid that one like the plague!
[points to photo of Peter Gatien]
Michael Alig: More, more!
James: Okay, okay. The art of working a room. Upon making your grand entrance, take your partner by the hand and circle around the room. Smile and say "hello" to everyone in the room. Even if you don't know them. Especially if you don't know them!
[walks around donut shop]
James: Hi!
Michael Alig: Hello! Hi!
James: Hi! Oh I'm so glad you came.
Michael Alig: I know you!
James: Go once around the room in opposite directions. You go clockwise to my anti-clockwise. Tell all the people how you've lost your friend and how desperate you are to find them. Oh, where could my friend be? Now suddenly we bump into each other and scream with uncontained joy!
[bumps into Michael and screams]
James: Good! Now link arms and around we go once more telling all our new found friends how we've found each other. We found each other!
Michael Alig: We found each other! Don't worry, I've found him!
James: Then leave. The whole thing should take an hour, 90 minutes tops. Do that once a night for three months and you'll be the toast of the town.
