Spider-Man 2 (2004)
J.K. Simmons: J. Jonah Jameson
[brainstorming a catchy 'super-villain' nickname for Dr. Otto Octavius]
J. Jonah Jameson : What are we gonna call this guy?
Hoffman : 'Doctor Octopus'?
J. Jonah Jameson : That's crap.
Hoffman : 'Science Squid'?
J. Jonah Jameson : Crap.
Hoffman : 'Doctor Strange'.
J. Jonah Jameson : That's pretty good.
[Hoffman looks proud]
J. Jonah Jameson : But it's taken! Wait, wait! I got it! 'Doctor Octopus'.
Hoffman : But... uh...
Hoffman : I like it.
J. Jonah Jameson : Of course you do. 'Doctor Octopus'. New villain in town: 'Doc Ock'.
Hoffman : Genius.
J. Jonah Jameson : What, are you looking for a raise? Get out!
J. Jonah Jameson : I drove Spider-Man away. My god, he was a hero. Spider-Man truly was an asset to this city. He was...
J. Jonah Jameson : [a whooshing sound is heard and Jameson turns around - realizing that the Spider-Man costume is gone] ... a criminal! That's who he is! A burglar! He stole my suit! I want Spider-Man!
[sees an open window]
J. Jonah Jameson : I WANT SPIDER-MAN!
J. Jonah Jameson : Come here. Parker, what do you know about high society?
Peter Parker : Oh... well, I...
J. Jonah Jameson : Don't answer that. My society photographer got hit in the head by a polo ball. You're all I got. Big party tonight for an American hero, my son the astronaut.
Peter Parker : [serious] Could you pay me in advance?
[Jameson laughs hysterically for a few seconds]
J. Jonah Jameson : You serious? What, pay you for just standing there? Tomorrow night, the planeterium, 8:00. There's the door.
Miss Brant : [Walks in with Peter] Chief, I found Parker.
J. Jonah Jameson : 'Bout time, where were you? Crazy scientist blows himself up, and we don't have pictures!
Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson : I heard Spider-Man was there.
J. Jonah Jameson : [annoyed] And where were you, photographing squirrels? You're fired!
Miss Brant : [Peter turns to leave] Chief, the planetarium party.
J. Jonah Jameson : Oh right, you're unfired, get back here!
Garbage Man : [on bringing in Spider-Man's discarded costume] Now look, uh, I think I deserve a little something for this.
J. Jonah Jameson : Give ya fifty bucks.
Garbage Man : I could get more than that on eBay.
J. Jonah Jameson : All right, a hundred. Miss Brant, give this man his money and throw in a bar of soap.
J. Jonah Jameson : [to Peter Parker] Get your pretty little portfolio off my desk before I go into a diabetic coma!
J. Jonah Jameson : Guy named Otto Octavius winds up with eight limbs. Four mechanical arms welded right onto his body. What are the odds?
J. Jonah Jameson : You're fired!
J. Jonah Jameson : Take a shot of my wife with the Minister here...
[Both pose with Minister]
Mrs. Jameson : Beautiful tie!
J. Jonah Jameson : Ohh, no get a shot with the DA.
Mrs. Jameson : Beautiful dress!
[Both pose with DA]
J. Jonah Jameson : Oh here get a shot of the Mayor and his girlfriend... wife.
[Both pose with Mayor]
J. Jonah Jameson : [speaking to his wife over the phone] Dear, we agreed to put on a wedding, not go into bankruptcy... Caviar? Who are we inviting, the czar? Get some cheese and crackers... some of those little cocktail weenies...
J. Jonah Jameson : [discussing his son's wedding with his wife over the phone] Flowers? How much? If you spend any more on this thing, you can pick the daisies off my grave! Get plastic!