The Foreigner

The movie fascinated me because of the plot, but once it got underway my fascination took a different direction. I think for the only time in my life I laughed at people getting shot. Segall's Dutch accomplice shoots everyone! He himself is shot four different times. The hotel clerk won't give out a room number? Ask her to call and see which number she dials. Then, instead of unobtrusively going to that room, shoot her!

The farce is complete when Segall faces down an opponent holding a gun 20 yards away. He flings a flight recorder CD with a little C4 stuck on like gum at his assailant. We see the disk igniting in mid-air in slow motion. Does the other guy shoot? No, he just stares at a CD coming to blow him away. The CD has the extra fun effect of propelling him backwards and upwards through a conveniently placed 2nd story picture window.

I must admit; I enjoyed this so much that I immediately went out to get another Segall movie to see if it is as ridiculous. I can't explain why this is entertaining, but it is! IT IS!!

When you watch a Seagal movie, you expect good action. You expect fighting, not just a lot of shooting like in this flick. And: you expect a rather simple story. OK, I can live with a more complex story even though it's a Seagal movie. But this one, this is, I don't know what to say. It's very, very confusing indeed. At the end of the movie, I had major problems figuring out what had happened. And I know I'm not the only one. The story lacks so much information and is so full of plot holes that it's nearly impossible to keep track of what's happening in the movie. There are many people in the movie, people change sides all the time, and it switches locations too often. Terrible. I just don't understand why it looks like Seagal is making a sort of sequel to this one.

Steven Seagal has starred in some great action flicks down the years – but unfortunately this ain't one of ‘em. As other hacks have pointed out on this page, the plot is messy and incoherent and it's difficult most of the time to even work out who are supposed to be the `good guys' and who are supposed to be the `bad guys'. It borrows a major plot element from the movie `Ronin' from a few years back, namely a mysterious package that various mysterious factions are desperate to get their hands on and will walk over corpses in order to do so, and like that movie this one also has a European setting. The plot of `Ronin' was also a bit convoluted and confusing and required the viewer to pay close attention to what was going on. But the `The Foreigner' is far worse. It tries too hard to be intriguing and mysterious and in the process ends up as a complete mess. And then we come to Mr. Seagal himself. Okay, he's the on dark side of 50 now, but that in itself isn't necessarily a barrier to being able to carry off a tough-guy action role. For example, Clint Eastwood was older than Seagal is now when he starred as the hard-as-nails Marine gunnery sergeant in `Heartbreak Ridge' in the mid-1980s, but he carried off that role superbly and convincingly because he was lean, mean and obviously very fit. Seagal on the other hand has quite clearly gone to seed, allowing himself to balloon (as others have also pointed out here) to almost Brando-esque proportions and quite frankly looked laughable here. And then there's that annoying, headache-inducing `fast-motion, slow-motion' camerawork that unfortunately seems to be all the rage with movie-makers right now. Hopefully it's a trend will soon die out (that movie `The Matrix' has got a lot to answer for). In a nutshell – sub-standard and very typical `straight-to-video' fare and really only recommended for die-hard Seagal enthusiasts. 3 out of 10 (and I'm being generous).

STAR RATING:*****Unmissable****Very Good***Okay**You Could Go Out For A Meal Instead*Avoid At All Costs

Steven Seagal should have got a better agent.After Exit Wounds miraculously went straight to number one at the US box office and temporarily restored his position as a top ranking Hollywood action star,his next step was not to go for a leading role in a film by another big name,Hollywood action director like John Woo or Michael Bay,or even his old aquaintance Andrew Davis,but to go to trashy,sloppy DTV action director Albert Pyun and appear in a supporting role in a Godawful piece of dreck by the name of Ticker.This,did,however,go straight to video (as just about every film Pyun's ever made has) and probably went unnoticed by the cinema going public.However,when the film Half Past Dead was released a year later,in which Mr.Ponytail co starred with gravel voiced rap midget Ja Rule,the gimmick appeared to have worn off,and the film,unlike EW which started the whole Seagal/rappers thing,was a mega flop.Maybe it had something to do with it being released on the same weekend as Harry Potter 2,but nevertheless,flop it was,and now,Seagal appears to have plummeted smack-bang right to the position his career was in five years ago with the straight-to-video action movie The Foreigner,a labourous,over-stylised dud that runs for 92 minutes,but ends up feeling more like 992.

This is probably owed more than anything to a totally incomprehensible plot,with too many thinly plotted twists,turns and red herrings in it to sustain interest.

Seagal's raspy voice has always seemed to prove a hinderance to any movie he's in,but he mumbles so badly at certain stages in this,even the highest pitched dolby pro logic sound system probably couldn't make him sound any more audible.

Aside from this,the movie,especially for a 15 certificate,is full of gratuitous violence,mainly in the form of graphic shootings,especially from the Dunoir character.There are some other rather grisly images too,but the shootings are certainly the most consistent.

Certain scenes have a nice visual flair,and the action's not bad,but overall,this is a ponderous mess that shows clearly the direction in which Seagal's star is falling.**

1/2 out of ****

The most painfully boring action movie I've seen since (insert any recent Steven Seagal venture), I'm starting to wonder if satiating my morbid curiosity over the next Seagal disaster is worth wasting time for the hell I endure. To date, I have not genuinely enjoyed any of the man's movies (well, not entirely true, Executive Decision was excellent, but not Seagal's movie, thankfully) and it's almost always because of him. With a few exceptions, I can easily picture different stars in his past roles that would have made these subpar action pictures superior to...well, how they turned out with Mr. Expressionless himself.

Such is the case with The Foreigner, which stars Steven Seagal as Jonathon Cold, a mysterious guy who delivers packages. Gasp, it's like The Transporter, only without the hugely charismatic lead and thrilling action sequences. I'd delve further into The Foreigner's plot, if only I understood what the hell was going on. The basic premise is that Cold's latest package is something everyone wants to get their hands on and they'll kill him for it.

But not a single plot point is the slightest bit comprehensible. Supporting characters appear at random, looking for the package, rarely ever establishing a clear reason why the want or need it. Excruciating monologue upon excruciating monologue is inserted into the script to no avail; I wonder if the actors involved even understood what they were saying or doing. The movie's silly, too, with Seagal's character acting in ways that might seem clever to a five-year old (switch cars with someone else, give bad guy a fake package), which apparently means most of these bad guys aren't much smarter than your average kindergartener.

After Exit Wounds, The Foreigner became (mostly) a return to typical Seagal. Like his previous early works, the title could be used to describe Seagal's character (i.e. Steven Seagal is...Out for Justice, Marked for Death, Above the Law, Hard to Kill), the fight scenes are almost as short as those in The Patriot, and the lead villain is pathetically easy to defeat in hand-to-hand combat. In an attempt to give the movie style, director Michael Oblowitz applies slow motion to the shootouts, sometimes also speeding up the footage. How exactly he thinks this could do anything for the movie (especially for action scenes as short as these) is baffling.

As usual, Seagal is wooden as ever, proving himself the worst actor ever to have been considered a star. He's also getting chubbier, usually hiding his weight gain with abnormally large coats. If someone else, say Jason Statham, had this role instead, the movie's quality would easily jump up a *, as plot incomprehensibility could still be made somewhat bearable with a charismatic lead (which Statham amply provides).

I read somewhere The Foreigner is originally slated for a theatrical release, but after Half Past Dead bombed, the studio dumped this into the video market almost immediately. So the movie should be very availabe at your nearest rental store, but I suggest you ignore it, even if you are a Seagal fan, and check The Transporter out instead, just to see why Jason Statham will be cinema's next big action star and how a movie about a guy who delivers packages can be made with style.