Actually, this turned out to be better than I thought it would have been. First, we get the battle of the Seventies' Sitcom stars: Danny Bonaduce ("Danny" from "The Partridge Family") vs. Barry Williams ("Greg" (a.k.a.: "Johnny Bravo") from "The Brady Bunch"). I have two words for Williams if he should decide to do another one of these things: "Gym time"! Within the first ten seconds of the match, Bonaduce sent Williams to the mat. The match on a whole reminded me of the first fight between Joe Frazier and George Foreman. It apparently reminded announcer Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini of that fight, too, as he did a riff on Howard Cosell's famous line "Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!". Williams went down the same number of times as Frazier: six (four in the first round; two in the second), before the ref stopped the match because it was clear that Williams was REALLY hurt after the last knockdown. Next was Todd Bridges of "Diff'rent Strokes" fame vs. Robby "Vanilla Ice" Van Winkle. I had hoped like crazy that Bridges would have knocked Van Winkle out in the first round, but we had to settle for a three-round unamimous decision as Todd showed that he truly DID have some boxing skills. Perhaps he made the wrong choice in his childhood. He sent Van Winkle to the canvas three times within the match and just battered him around the ring enroute to victory. That'll teach Van Winkle to sample great songs by the likes of Queen, David Bowie and the Rolling Stones.
The "main event" was disgraced figure skater Tonya Harding vs. Clinton accuser Paula Jones. I found it odd that, while they revealed their ages, neither woman disclosed her weight. Considering that Harding videotaped her honeymoon (although I don't think it was her idea to sell it, blame THAT on ex-husband Jeff Gilooly) and Jones posed nude in "Penthouse", I find it odd that their weight is the one secret they wish to keep. The match was originally to have been Harding vs. "Long Island Lolita" Amy Fisher, but Fisher's parole officer put the kibosh on the deal. Jones was thrown in as a last minute substitute. In the first round, Jones surprised Harding and everyone else when she connected on Harding with a good jab to the nose that snapped the skater's head back. After that, however, it was all Harding as she kept connecting on Jones, who kept running and hiding behind the referee (it reminded me of Charlie Chaplin's boxing match in CITY LIGHTS). Jones lasted until the beginning of the third round, when she finally surrendered. Harding, though, got in one last shot after Jones' quitting (to be fair, Sugar Ray Leonard did the same thing to Roberto Duran in their rematch in 1981, the famous "No Mas" fight). Maybe we'll see a match between Bonaduce and Bridges? Looks interesting.
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