Meet the Fockers (2004)

Blythe Danner: Dina Byrnes

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Byrnes : I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.

  Greg Focker : It was Barry Poppins.

  Jack Byrnes : What kind of sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?

  Roz Focker : Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.

  Jack Byrnes : It was your idea?

  Roz Focker : Yes.

  Jack Byrnes : What is wrong with you people?

  Bernie Focker : You people?

  Dina Byrnes : I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.

  Jack Byrnes : Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?

  Greg Focker : Jack. he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?

  Jack Byrnes : He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his devlopment.

  Roz Focker : The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.

  Greg Focker : Mom.

  Jack Byrnes : What are you saying?

  Roz Focker : I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here and and I've got news for you, Jack, prodigies don't eat there own boogers.

  Jack Byrnes : And I've got news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.

  Pam Byrnes : Okay, Dad. That's my fiance.

  Jack Byrnes : I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.

  Roz Focker : Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.

  Jack Byrnes : The Little Jack in me?

  [Greg is getting extremely frusrated] 

  Roz Focker : Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed? My guess is no.

  Jack Byrnes : Will you spare my the drugstore pyschology.

  Greg Focker : [everyone starts arguing]  Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP, okay?

  [everyone is quiet] 

  Greg Focker : Jack, I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone for a second, I came back, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.

• Jack Byrnes : You knew she was pregnant?

  Dina Byrnes : We all did, Jack.

  Pam Byrnes : Daddy, I was going to tell you after the wedding, I swear.

  Jack Byrnes : This is the reason I created the circle of trust so we could discuss these things.

  Pam Byrnes : But the circle isn't going to work if you don't trust anyone that's in it, Dad.

• Dina Byrnes : Sweetheart, do we really have to hurry like this?

  Jack Byrnes : Oh, yes. We have to pull a little covert operation here. The bandleader says we've got approximately 23 minutes until it's time to cut the cake.

• Roz Focker : How's your sex life?

  Dina Byrnes : I can't tell you that!

  Roz Focker : I'm a professional. Dina, I'm a sex therapist specializing in senior sexuality.

  Dina Byrnes : I knew those weren't yoga mats!

  Roz Focker : No.

  Dina Byrnes : Well, we're not twenty five... anymore.

  Roz Focker : But you're not dead either! Lots of couples our age lack intimacy...

  Dina Byrnes : I didn't say we weren't intimate, there are special occasions. Anniversaries and... well, on our anniversary.

  Roz Focker : Oy, neesh geete!

  Dina Byrnes : What?

  Roz Focker : Not good!

• Roz Focker : Tell me, what's going on with that man of yours?

  Dina Byrnes : Well, Jack's always been a little wound up. His job is very stressful.

  Roz Focker : Being a florist is stressful?

  Dina Byrnes : There's more to it than people think.

• Dina Byrnes : Bernie, this frittata is wonderful, what's in it?

  Bernie Focker : Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet. I've never washed it.

• Roz Focker : Nah, I'm bored. Come on, Dina. You want a Spritzer?

  Dina Byrnes : What? Oh, a Spritzer. Sounds yummy.

• Dina Byrnes : Muskrat

• Dina Byrnes : [after Bernie has destroyed Jack's toilet to save Moses]  Jack, he was just trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it had been Jinx who fell in the toilet?

  Jack Byrnes : [matter-of-factly]  Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to have done in a submergion.

• Dina Byrnes : Oh, Jack, isn't it wonderful? The kids are *finally* getting married?

  Jack Byrnes : [about Little Jack]  Wait a second; I think he spoke!

  [pushes Dina aside] 

  Jack Byrnes : Little Jack! Were you about to speak?

  [Little Jack passes gas] 

  Jack Byrnes : It's nothing, just a little flatulence. What were you saying, Dina?

• Dina Byrnes : It's a custom designed, climate-controlled motor coach.

  Jack Byrnes : Jack calls it the Highlight of our Twilight.

• Greg Focker : And do you talk yet, Mr. Munchkinhead?

  [makes baby noises at Little Jack] 

  Jack Byrnes : Greg, Greg, Greg. Don't infantilize him. Talk to him like an adult.

  Dina Byrnes : Muskrat.

  Jack Byrnes : Huh?

  Dina Byrnes : Muskrat, Jack.

  Jack Byrnes : Oh right.

  [to Greg] 

  Jack Byrnes : Just try to understand, he's a little person. His communication skills aren't verbal yet, but he understands.

• [Jack and Bernie are arrived at home, looked at Little Jack holding the rum bottle with his glue hands, watching the movie Scarface on TV, shocked] 

  Bernie Focker : There's someone you don't see every day.

  [Moses began to humping on Jinx's back] 

  Jack Byrnes : Focker! Focker!

  [Greg enters with wearing moose antlers and a breast] 

  Greg Focker : Okay. I know this is bad. But, I can explain.

  Jack Byrnes : What the hell happened? I said no monkey business!

  [Little Jack began to crying] 

  Greg Focker : No! There's no monkey business.

  Jack Byrnes : No monkey business? You're wearing my breast!

  [Moses barking at Jinx, he gets off his back, Jinx hissing at Moses] 

  Jack Byrnes : Little Jack is drinking, Moses is sodomizing Jinx and you're telling me there's no monkey business? What is going on here?

  [turns to Little Jack] 

  Jack Byrnes : Are you all right, LJ?

  [Roz, Pam and Dina enters home] 

  Roz Focker : Hello, we're home! Hey, guys!

  Jack Byrnes : [grabbing the rum bottle]  Give me the bottle. Give me the bottle.

  Pam Byrnes : Oh, my god. What happened to Little Jack?

  Bernie Focker : Looks like his hands has stuck in the bottle of rum.

  Greg Focker : Thank you, dad.

  Jack Byrnes : You bet, they're stuck.

  Pam Byrnes : Greg? How did this happen?

  [sees his wearing antlers] 

  Pam Byrnes : And why are you wearing antlers?

  Greg Focker : [takes his antlers off]  It's... very complicated.

  Roz Focker : [sees the glue]  It's just a little glue, he's fine.

  Jack Byrnes : He's not fine! If he could use of his hands, he'll tell you by himself!

  [to Little Jack] 

  Jack Byrnes : All right, that's all right. Come on.

  [Little Jack continues crying] 

  Pam Byrnes : Oh, Little Jack. Honey, are you okay? Greg?

  Jack Byrnes : Dina? Pam?

  Dina Byrnes : Yes, dad. I'm coming.

  Pam Byrnes : Little Jack?

  Roz Focker : [to Greg]  Honey, I said a thimble. Not a bottle.