Meet the Fockers (2004) Poster

Barbra Streisand: Rozalin Focker



  • [the Fockers' outgoing message] 

    Bernie Focker : Hello, you've reached the Fockers. We're not around, so leave us a message. Goodbye. Roz, how the hell do you shut this thing off?

    Roz Focker : I have no idea. Just press a button.

    Bernie Focker : All right, I'm pretty sure it's off. Honey, you want a chimichanga?

    Roz Focker : I thought they give you gas.

    Bernie Focker : A little bit, but it's worth it.

    Roz Focker : Yeah, worth it for you, but I'm the one that gets the fumes.

    Bernie Focker : Honey, I'm in the mood for a chimichanga!

    Roz Focker : So make a chimichang...


  • Jack Byrnes : I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.

    Greg Focker : It was Barry Poppins.

    Jack Byrnes : What kind of sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?

    Roz Focker : Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.

    Jack Byrnes : It was your idea?

    Roz Focker : Yes.

    Jack Byrnes : What is wrong with you people?

    Bernie Focker : You people?

    Dina Byrnes : I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.

    Jack Byrnes : Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?

    Greg Focker : Jack. he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?

    Jack Byrnes : He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his devlopment.

    Roz Focker : The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.

    Greg Focker : Mom.

    Jack Byrnes : What are you saying?

    Roz Focker : I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here and and I've got news for you, Jack, prodigies don't eat there own boogers.

    Jack Byrnes : And I've got news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.

    Pam Byrnes : Okay, Dad. That's my fiance.

    Jack Byrnes : I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.

    Roz Focker : Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.

    Jack Byrnes : The Little Jack in me?

    [Greg is getting extremely frusrated] 

    Roz Focker : Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed? My guess is no.

    Jack Byrnes : Will you spare my the drugstore pyschology.

    Greg Focker : [everyone starts arguing]  Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP, okay?

    [everyone is quiet] 

    Greg Focker : Jack, I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone for a second, I came back, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.

  • Greg Focker : Hey, Dad, you shouldn't take Moses into the RV. Jack and Dina have a cat.

    Bernie Focker : Oh, Moses is fine. He's perfectly trained.

    Greg Focker : Dad, he humps everything that moves.

    Roz Focker : [laughing]  He's like your father!

    Bernie Focker : I never cheated on you!

  • Roz Focker : I'm wondering why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest!

  • [after the Byrnes' cat flushes the Fockers' dog down the toilet] 

    Roz Focker : Your cat can flush?

  • Bernie Focker : You fockerized them!

    Roz Focker : Yeah!

    Bernie Focker : I'm gonna fockerize you!

  • Roz Focker : How's your sex life?

    Dina Byrnes : I can't tell you that!

    Roz Focker : I'm a professional. Dina, I'm a sex therapist specializing in senior sexuality.

    Dina Byrnes : I knew those weren't yoga mats!

    Roz Focker : No.

    Dina Byrnes : Well, we're not twenty five... anymore.

    Roz Focker : But you're not dead either! Lots of couples our age lack intimacy...

    Dina Byrnes : I didn't say we weren't intimate, there are special occasions. Anniversaries and... well, on our anniversary.

    Roz Focker : Oy, neesh geete!

    Dina Byrnes : What?

    Roz Focker : Not good!

  • Roz Focker : [giving Jack a Hawaiian massage]  You are a caged lion! But lions can't be captive their entire lives. They have to be free to roam the bush. Free and wild! Your wife is a hot sexy tigress and she's waiting for you to pounce on her! Let me hear you roar, baby, roar! Your body is talking to me. It's hungry for action! I can feel it. Unleash the beast inside you, Jack!

  • Roz Focker : Yeah, and now it's up to 50 Fockers.

    Jack Byrnes : 50 Fockers. What could be better?

  • Roz Focker : Well you know, honey, many unplanned pregnancies happen because the man is such a sexual dynamo, and the woman craves his sperm on an unconscious but very powerful level.

    Greg Focker : Mm-hmm. Mom, I'm truely not comfortable having this conversation with you.

  • Roz Focker : Tell me, what's going on with that man of yours?

    Dina Byrnes : Well, Jack's always been a little wound up. His job is very stressful.

    Roz Focker : Being a florist is stressful?

    Dina Byrnes : There's more to it than people think.

  • Judge Ira : Bingo, Bango, Bongo!

    Roz Focker : The man is loose, he's limber, and he's ready for action.

  • Roz Focker : You're avoiding confusion by strapping a boob on a man?

  • Roz Focker : Nah, I'm bored. Come on, Dina. You want a Spritzer?

    Dina Byrnes : What? Oh, a Spritzer. Sounds yummy.

  • Roz Focker : How are things with you and Pam?

    Greg Focker : They're great.

    Roz Focker : They're great? Because after two years you have to work to keep things going. Does she still climax regularly?

    Greg Focker : Mom, you can't talk that way this weekend, okay?

    Roz Focker : Honey, I'm just saying I didn't raise you to be a so-so lover.

  • Roz Focker : I think that baby might need a couple pulls on that knocker of your's, Jack.

  • Roz Focker : [about Greg's circumcision ceremony]  See that's Greg getting circumcised.

    Bernie Focker : We had the ceremony at my parents' house. There was a cold snap and the heat conked out. Tell it.

    Roz Focker : The heater conked out. No matter how hard he tried, the mohel couldn't coax Greggie's tiny little turtle from it's shell.

    Greg Focker : You know what, let's not talk about the tiny turtle.

  • Roz Focker : I burn cornflakes.

  • [Jack and Bernie are arrived at home, looked at Little Jack holding the rum bottle with his glue hands, watching the movie Scarface on TV, shocked] 

    Bernie Focker : There's someone you don't see every day.

    [Moses began to humping on Jinx's back] 

    Jack Byrnes : Focker! Focker!

    [Greg enters with wearing moose antlers and a breast] 

    Greg Focker : Okay. I know this is bad. But, I can explain.

    Jack Byrnes : What the hell happened? I said no monkey business!

    [Little Jack began to crying] 

    Greg Focker : No! There's no monkey business.

    Jack Byrnes : No monkey business? You're wearing my breast!

    [Moses barking at Jinx, he gets off his back, Jinx hissing at Moses] 

    Jack Byrnes : Little Jack is drinking, Moses is sodomizing Jinx and you're telling me there's no monkey business? What is going on here?

    [turns to Little Jack] 

    Jack Byrnes : Are you all right, LJ?

    [Roz, Pam and Dina enters home] 

    Roz Focker : Hello, we're home! Hey, guys!

    Jack Byrnes : [grabbing the rum bottle]  Give me the bottle. Give me the bottle.

    Pam Byrnes : Oh, my god. What happened to Little Jack?

    Bernie Focker : Looks like his hands has stuck in the bottle of rum.

    Greg Focker : Thank you, dad.

    Jack Byrnes : You bet, they're stuck.

    Pam Byrnes : Greg? How did this happen?

    [sees his wearing antlers] 

    Pam Byrnes : And why are you antlers?

    Greg Focker : [takes his antlers off]  It's... very complicated.

    Roz Focker : [sees the glue]  It's just a little glue, he's fine.

    Jack Byrnes : He's not fine! If he could use of his hands, he'll tell you by himself!

    [to Little Jack] 

    Jack Byrnes : All right, that's all right. Come on.

    [Little Jack continues crying] 

    Pam Byrnes : Oh, Little Jack. Honey, are you okay? Greg?

    Jack Byrnes : Dina, Pam?

    Dina Byrnes : Yes, dad. I'm coming.

    Pam Byrnes : Little Jack?

    Roz Focker : [to Greg]  Honey, I said a thimble. Not a bottle.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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