Analyze That (2002)
Dr. Ben Sobel: I thought you were in prison?
Jelly: It would appear not.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, well, how'd you get out?
Jelly: I had a new trial. It turns out that the evidence in the first trial was, uh, you know, tainted.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, I see.
Jelly: Anyway, two of the witnesses decided not to testify, uh, and the third guy, well, he commited suicide.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh? How?
Jelly: He stabbed himself in the back four times and threw himself off a bridge... very unfortunate
[Paul and Jelly have captured the Gunman that had tried to shoot them earlier and have taken him to the roof of a parking garage, four stories above the ground with the Gunman's arms bound]
Paul Vitti: I'm gonna ask you once. Who are you working for?
Rigazzi Gunman: I'm working for your mother.
[Paul punches the Gunman]
Rigazzi Gunman: Fuck you.
Paul Vitti: Fuck me?
Rigazzi Gunman: Yeah.
[Paul and Jelly grab him by the legs and hang him over the side of the building]
Rigazzi Gunman: No! No! No! No! Wait! Wait! Stop! Wait! Wait!
Paul Vitti: Who are you working for?
Rigazzi Gunman: Get me up! Stop! Get me up!
Paul Vitti: [to Jelly] Drop him.
Rigazzi Gunman: I... I'm working for Lou "The Wrench" Rigazzi!
Paul Vitti: Wrench?
Rigazzi Gunman: Yeah! The Wrench!
Paul Vitti: How do you spell his name?
Rigazzi Gunman: How do I spell his... R-I-C-A-C-C...
Paul Vitti: Can't even spell his fuckin name right, ya fuckin moron.
Paul Vitti: Now pull him up.
[Jelly instead drops the Gunman, and the Gunman plunges three stories down and lands heavily in a dumpster full of garbage]
Paul Vitti: What's the... What's the matter with you?
Jelly: You said drop him.
Paul Vitti: I said pull him back up.
Jelly: Hey, that ain't what I heard.
Paul Vitti: Then you heard what you wanted to hear.
Jelly: [Grins] I guess you got me there.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Lou the Wrench? Why the Wrench?
Paul Vitti: He twisted some guy's head off.
Dr. Ben Sobel: OFF?
Paul Vitti: [at Ben's father's wake] Hey, who do I have to fuck to get some bacon around here?
[a woman gasps]
Paul Vitti: Not you I hope!
Dr. Ben Sobel: Ginko biloba. Helps my memory, and I forget what else.
Dr. Ben Sobel: I thought you might appreciate a nice home-cooked meal after being in prison for so long.
Paul Vitti: Yeah, that's what I've been jerking off to for the last 850 nights in a row, a fuckin' home-cooked meal. "Oh, tuna casserole!"
[while working as an auto dealer]
Paul Vitti: Look at the size of this trunk. You can put three bodies in there.
Dr. Ben Sobel: [at his father's funeral] It's not easy for me to speak about my father, cause in a sense, I'm talking about two people. One is the public Issac Sobel, the eminent psychotherapist and popular author, known to millions of readers around the world. The second is the private man, my father. Dad. And for those who knew him well, and for those who knew our family well. Well, I don't have to tell you: He was a psychotic mind fucking prick! An arrogant ego inflated son of a bitch! I wish you were alive so I could kill you.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Rot in hell!
Dr. Ben Sobel: [Ben Sobel asks Paul to describe a picture of a father walking in saying good night to his wife and son lying in bed] OK, Paul. I want you to take a look at this picture and tell me what is happening.
Paul Vitti: This is a picture of a guy who is a nice hard-working fellow and comes home to find his wife is in bed with a midget who she has been fucking while he has been out of town.
Dr. Ben Sobel: So she has been having intercourse?
Paul Vitti: Yep. With a midget!
Agent Miller: Dr. Sobel, have you been receiving calls from mobster Paul Vitti?
Dr. Ben Sobel: Why would you say I received a call from Paul Vitti?
Agent Miller: Because we record all his calls from Sing Sing.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Then yes, I did.
Dr. Ben Sobel: [straining] I'm very attached to my balls.
Dr. Ben Sobel: I was at a funeral.
Paul Vitti: What's that got to do with someone trying to kill me in jail? You're my Doctor!
Dr. Ben Sobel: My father died.
Paul Vitti: So. With you it is always me, me, me, me, me, me. He's dead. So get over it.
[after Paul opens the bedroom door]
Dr. Ben Sobel: I have a 17-year-old son.
Paul Vitti: I'll ask her.
Dr. Ben Sobel: We don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex.
Paul Vitti: If you're quiet, you could do it without even waking your wife.
Dr. Ben Sobel: The girl has got to go.
Paul Vitti: You know, Doc, I think you might be jealous.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh and what exactly might I be jealous of?
Paul Vitti: I don't know, I didn't hear nothin' comin' out of your room.
Dr. Ben Sobel: We just don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex!
Paul Vitti: If you're quiet enough, you can do it without waking your wife.
Eddie DeVol: [Paul and Jelly go to Patti LoPresti's house, Eddie Devol opens door] Yeah what?
Paul Vitti: "Yeah what?"? Is that how you answer the door? "Yeah what?"?
Eddie DeVol: You got a problem with that?
Paul Vitti: [punches Eddie, enters house] Yeah what?
Jelly: [points gun at Eddie who is lying on floor] Don't bother getting up on our account.
Patti LoPresti: [at her children] Michelle, Theresa, its 10:30. Stop fuckin' around and get ready for ballet!
Paul Vitti: [as they drive away from SingSing, Paul is acting psycotic, as soon as SingSing's out of view Paul acts normal] You fuckin' piece of shit! I call to say someone's trying to kill me and you fuckin' hang up on me?
Dr. Ben Sobel: I knew it, I knew it! You lied!
Paul Vitti: What was with you stickin' me with that fuckin' needle?
Dr. Ben Sobel: You lied! You used me to get you out of prison!
Paul Vitti: Took you long enough! I've been singing "West Side Story" songs for three fuckin' days, I'm half a fag already!
Dr. Ben Sobel: [Paul and Shiela are having sex in another room, Ben and Laura are lying awake listening. As Paul and Shiela quiet down, Paul glances at his watch] Forty minutes.
Laura Sobel: How much longer are they going to go on?
Dr. Ben Sobel: How much longer 'can' they go on? Another ten minutes, I'm going to either break it up or I'll call the Guiness Book of Records.
[They continue lying there. As it gets loud again, they sit up. They can hear Shiela]
Sheila: [Screaming] Oh God! Oh God! OH GOD!
Laura Sobel: Oh, gimmie a break. She's faking!
Dr. Ben Sobel: What?
Laura Sobel: Nobody sounds like that!
Rigazzi Driver: Shall I wait here, Mr Rigazzi?
Lou Rigazzi: No. Pull the car up your ass and wait there.
Laura Sobel: [to Agent Cerrone as she is leaving how her husband is taken with her legs as Cerrone has crossed them in her short skirt] Just two words of advice as one professional woman to another - pants suit!
Ducks: [after Caesar has accused him of being disloyal] Caesar, Caesar, you know me. What kinda fuckin' idiot would I have to be to try that shit with you?
Anthony Bella: [Solemnly as he leaves the strip club] A dead fuckin' idiot!
Ducks: [Desperately calling as the button men raise their guns] Caesar! Caesar!
[They shoot him]
Paul Vitti: [Eating sushi in a Japanese restaurant] They got any real food around here? This is like eatin' fuckin' bait!
Dr. Ben Sobel: [after falling down hard on gravel and in obvious pain] Oh... oh! What a day for my balls!
Paul Vitti: [to Ben] Hey, listen. Listen, I'm gonna send you after people I don't like.
Paul Vitti: Give 'em a little psychology; then beat 'em up.
Lou Rigazzi: You wanna back a winner? Which is gonna be me, okay? It only makes sense, so you come work for me. I'll treat you right.
Paul Vitti: No, thanks.
Lou Rigazzi: [laughs darkly] So much for sleepin' better.
Lou Rigazzi: [He pats Paul's face in a condescending manner] You be careful.
Paul Vitti: Sorry to hear about Carmine. He was a good man.
Patti LoPresti: Yeah, I know. You live with someone for 21 year. Then one day they're pulling his torso out of the river. It;s hard.
Paul Vitti: Yeah, I'll bet - especially since the talk is that you were the one that put him there.
Patti LoPresti: That's why I try not to gossip, Paul. It's ugly.
Raoul Berman: [Clearly nervous and apologetic when he finds the woman he has been putting down is Patti LoPresti] And if there is anything at all I can do...
Patti LoPresti: [Nastily] Go fuck yourself!
Raoul Berman: Immediately... immediately.
[He hurriedly leaves]
Paul Vitti: He's from the theater.
Eddie DeVol: How's it goin' Paulie?
Paul Vitti: It's goin' all right.
Eddie DeVol: You know my guys - Enormous Bobby and Al Pacino?
Paul Vitti: Al Pacino... that's your name?
Al Pacino: No, they call me that because I look like Al Pacino.
Paul Vitti: Oh?
Al Pacino: The actor.
Paul Vitti: Anybody ever call you Carol Burnett?
Al Pacino: Why?
Paul Vitti: Because you look as much like Carol Burnett as you do Al Pacino.
Patti LoPresti: So, you look good! What? Have you been workin' out?
Paul Vitti: Yeah, I been workin' out who's been tryin' to kill me. You got any ideas about that?
Patti LoPresti: It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and you know nobody will be safe unless we end this thing with the Rigazzis.
Raoul Berman: [after angering Patti LoPresti] Tell me, was she angry? Am I in any danger?
Paul Vitti: No, you're fine. But you might want to have somebody else start your car the next couple of weeks.
Raoul Berman: I'll have Brian do it, he's new.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Paul, you know what you said about not flipping out?
Paul Vitti: Yeah.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Sorry.
Dr. Ben Sobel: I know what you're doing Paul. You're just upset that I have custody of you, so you passive-aggressively arranged for me to look like a fool.
Paul Vitti: Oh come on. You were great! You were great!
Dr. Ben Sobel: Second take, I thought, was a little better than the first. Jelly wasn't giving me much, honestly. so I j... Screw you, Paul.
Mobster: [after he stops squeezing his testicles] No hard feelings.
Dr. Ben Sobel: [Painfully] No... and probably never again.
Ducks: How did he know about the money? And how did he know that Tony Cisco got popped? We didn't find out about it till this morning.
Paul Vitti: Hey, doc.
Paul Vitti: There's a place for us.
Dr. Ben Sobel: A time and place for us.
Jelly: Hold my hand and we're halfway there.
[Dr. Ben is being escorted into a room with LoPresti and gang after shopping. DeVol takes his groceries]
Dr. Ben Sobel: Careful, the eggs are on the bottom...
Eddie DeVol: Oh, yeah?
[drops the bags and the eggs smash]
Laura Sobel: [after someone trys to shoot Paul at a Japanese resturant] Th-that resturant was really nice, up until the attempted "whacking." Now is that the correct terminology, Mafia shrink?
Lieutenant: Get the drivers back in the truck. You're gonna take the rear, I'm gonna take the point. We're gonna back these fuckers outta here.
[a giant crane suddenly begins to lift the armored car into the air]
Lieutenant: What the fuck? They're lifting the truck! They're lifting the fucking truck! Son of a bitch!
[the Rigazzi Gunman is taken back to the Rigazzi headquarters by two Rigazzi henchmen and faces his boss Louis Rigazzi, aka "Lou the Wrench"]
Lou Rigazzi: What the hell happened to you?
Rigazzi Gunman: Vitti threw me off a roof.
Lou Rigazzi: Vitti? You talked to Vitti?
Rigazzi Gunman: Yeah, I talked to Vitti.
Lou Rigazzi: What did you say to him?
Rigazzi Gunman: Nothing.
Lou Rigazzi: Are you sure you didn't tell him anything?
Rigazzi Gunman: I didn't say anything, Mr. Rigazzi. Can I go now? I think my leg's broken.
Lou Rigazzi: That must hurt, huh? Wait a minute! I have something for that.
[Rigazzi pulls out a gun with a silencer and shoots the Gunman three times, killing him]
Lou Rigazzi: I hate to see people in pain.
Lou Rigazzi: Get him out of here.
[the henchmen carry the Gunman's body away]
Rigazzi Soldier: What about Vitti?
Lou Rigazzi: He's a hard man to kill. But he's not immortal. Our time will come.
Paul Vitti: Hey doc, what is it with your folks? They tend to over react a little.
Dr. Ben Sobel: I know, I don't get it either, I mean all you did was flash everyone in the dining room.
Paul Vitti: Yeah, I know that. But wouldn't it do them good to get a bit of the old saussiche now and then?
Female customer: You cannot talk to customers like that.
Paul Vitti: You're not customers as far as I'm concerned! You want to buy the car or not?
Male customer: Not from you. I want to see the manager.
Paul Vitti: You want to see the manager?
[Gesturing to his groin]
Paul Vitti: Here's the manager!