One of the single most troubling things about modern entertainment in America is the abundance of Canadian infiltrators. Once upon a time, it was a simple enough thing to keep them at bay. After all, that line in the sand we call the northern border used to mean something.
But in the last few decades, that border has started to mean less and less. People like John Candy, Alanis Morissette, Dan Akroyd, William Shatner, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Cory Monteith, and Christopher Plummer are just some of the people who've invaded American pop culture from up north. The aforementioned John Candy was so popular that when he died, his funeral procession blocked up traffic in already traffic-ridden Los Angeles.
The most insidious part of this covert invasion is that it can be almost impossible to tell the difference between a Canadian and a red blooded American. The only way to know for sure is when they start pronouncing about as a boot.
As we all should know, the only way to counter the Canadian cultural invasion is to build protectionist policies of our own. Pour money into building up the film and music industries in places like Missouri, Alabama, Georgia, Texas, and the Carolinas. Encourage people to embrace their Americaness.
This is the only way to counter the Canadian threat. We must Make American Comedy Funny Again! Yeehaw!
