Orange County (2002)

Jack Black: Lance Brumder

Photos 

Quotes 

• Firefighter : What's your name?

  Lance : Uh, Joe... John... uh, Joe-John.

  Firefighter : Your name's Joe-John?

  Lance : John-ston, Johnston. Joe.

  Firefighter : You wanna tell me what happened here?

  Lance : Uh, there was a fire, I dunno, I came by and it's... checkin out the fire.

  Firefighter : Well that lady uh, Mona? She said that you two were in the building together when the fire started.

  Lance : Yeah, she's a liar, cuz I dunno her so whatever, whatever she says is a lie, so...

  Firefighter : K, so you're saying you weren't in the building with that woman?

  Lance : No, not I! Aright, she started it, aright? Because she was like "I hate my job, I'm gonna burn this mother down!" And I said "You better not... you better not!"

  Firefighter : She said it was an electrical fire.

  Lance : It was. It was a total electrical fire, it was like uh, the switches had sparks comin out, and the sockets, and uh it was like the 4th of July, man!

  Firefighter : Why aren't you wearing your pants, Joe?

  Lance : I tripped, and uh then I had to take 'em off to run faster out of the flames...

  [coughing] 

  Lance : I think I inhaled some smoke, will you excuse me one second, I'll be right back.

  [runs away in the background] 

  Firefighter : [into walkie talkie]  We got a sprinter. Five foot five, no pants, unkempt... portly.

• Shaun : Lance, I want you to stay in your room.

  Lance : Why?

  Shaun : Because you're an embarrassment.

  Lance : OK!

• Lance : Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?

• Lance : Dude, I never went to college and check me out. I'm kick ass!

• Shaun : Dude... dude... dude!

  [Lance stops vaccuming] 

  Shaun : Where are Bob's pain pills?

  Lance : Here!

  Shaun : No, this is Excedrin!

  Lance : It's a decoy... I put all my stash in bottles... yellow are painkillers, they go in the Excedrin!

  Shaun : Listen to me, I need Bob's pain pills!

  Lance : Bob doesn't have any pain pills.

  Shaun : Yes he does!

  Lance : Not anymore, I sold them.

• Lance : You banged mom?

• Shaun : What are you doing lying there?

  Lance : Oh, my parole officer wants to give me a drug test and I need your urine... can I score some of your piss?

  Shaun : Yeah.

  Lance : Awesome, man.

• Lance : [Stripped down to his underwear]  Shaun. Shaun...

  Lance : Shaun. It's so psychedelic. Buddy, I light one match, and the building blows up.

  [Giggles deviously, while Shaun looks slightly horrified] 

  Lance : Well, I was just tryin' to help you, bro.

  Shaun : [Incredulous]  By lighting the building on fire?

  Lance : Well, I was high...

  Shaun : You're *always* high! Y-you're a drugged out loser. You think you're gonna' create a T-shirt company? You can't even dress yourSELF!

  Lance : [Deflated]  Harsh.

• [Lance has discovered that Shaun can't get into Stanford] 

  Lance : You should sue, man. This isn't right. Sue the school.

  Shaun : Shut up, Lance.

  Lance : Or you know what? Just go to Stanford anyway. Go there and take the classes. Don't take "no" for an answer. Just say, "I'm goin' here. Kiss my ass."

  Shaun : That's actually a good idea!

  Lance : What is?

  Shaun : I should! I should go up to Stanford! If I talk with the dean of admissions face to face, and tell him my situation, - he's gotta let me in.

  Lance : I can get you there in three hours.