The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) Poster

Ben Stiller: Chas Tenenbaum



  • [in a hospital ward] 

    Chas : Why did you try to kill yourself?

    Ethel : Don't press him right now.

    Richie : I wrote a suicide note.

    Chas : You did?

    Richie : Yeah. Right after I regained consciousness.

    Chas : Can we read it?

    Richie : No.

    Chas : Can you paraphrase it for us?

    Richie : I don't think so.

    Chas : Is it dark?

    Richie : Of course it's dark, it's a suicide note.

  • Chas : I've had a rough year, dad.

    Royal : I know you have, Chassie.

  • Eli : Did I hit the dog?

    Chas : Yeah.

    Eli : Is he dead?

    Chas : Yeah.

    Eli : I need help.

  • Royal : [to Chas]  Well... you sued me... twice. Got me disbarred. I don't hold it against you, do I?

    [cut to Chas and Royal in court, sitting with their lawyers in front of the Judge] 

    Judge : And how is it possible for Mr. Tenenbaum to withdraw these funds without your written authorization?

    Royal : Objection, Your Honor. Damn it, I...

    Royal's Lawyer : Why don't you leave the objections to me, Royal?

    Chas : Because I started the corporation when I was a minor. So, my father was the primary signatory on most of my accounts.

    [Chas' lawyer whispers in his ear] 

    Chas : He also stole bonds out of my safety deposit box when I was fourteen.

    [Royal looks at Chas, then back at the judge. He chuckles uncomfortably] 

    Royal : [back in present day, to Chas]  You think you could start forgiving me?

    Chas : Why should I?

    Royal : Because you're hurting me.

  • [after the fire drill] 

    Chas : Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.

  • Ethel : What are you talking about?

    Chas : The apartment. I have to get some new sprinklers and a back-up security system installed.

    Ethel : But there are no sprinklers here either.

    Chas : We might have to do something about that too.

  • Uzi Tenenbaum : Who's your father?

    Chas : His name is Royal Tenenbaum.

    Ari : You told us he was already dead.

    Chas : Yeah, well, now he's really dying.

  • Chas : Please don't get in the middle of this, Mr. Sherman. This is a family matter.

    Margot : Don't talk to him like that.

    Henry Sherman : Call me Henry.

    Chas : I prefer Mr. Sherman.

    Ethel : Call him Henry.

    Chas : Why? I don't know him that well.

    Ethel : You've known him for 10 years.

    Chas : As your accountant, Mr. Sherman, yes.

  • Royal : First thing I want to do is take you out to see your grandmother, at some point.

    Richie : I haven't been out there since I was 6.

    Margot : I haven't been out there at all, I was never invited.

    Royal : Well, she wasn't your real grandmother, and I never knew how much interest you had, uh, sweetie. Anyway, you're invited now.

    Richie : You know, Rachael's buried out there too.

    Royal : Who?

    Chas : My wife.

    Royal : Oh, that's right, isn't it. Well, we'll have to swing by her grave too.

    [Chas slams his book shut and angrily walks out] 

  • Royal : [laying some flowers on the grave of his mother - Helen O'Reilly Tenenbaum, 1899-1954]  She was a tough old broad, wasn't she?

    Chas : I wouldn't know. Excuse me.

    [he starts to head off with his sons Ari and Uzi to visit their mother's grave] 

    Royal : Oh, that's right, we've got another body buried here, haven't we?

  • [Chas has told Royal to get out of the house. As Royal gets up to leave he suddenly seems to suffer some kind of 'attack' and falls to the floor] 

    Chas : Are you OK?

    Royal : [with a wooden spoon between his teeth]  'Fuck do you care?

  • Richie : I think he's very lonely. Lonelier than he lets on. Maybe lonelier than he even realizes.

    Ethel : Have you spoken to him about this?

    Richie : Briefly. And he agreed that...

    Chas : I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little confused here. What are you suggesting?

    Richie : That he come here and stay in my room.

    Chas : Are you out of your mind?

    Richie : No. I'm not. Anyway I think he'd be much more comfortable here than at...

    Chas : Who gives a shit?

    Richie : I do.

    Chas : You poor sucker. You poor, washed up papa's boy.

  • [after seeing Royal asleep on a hospital bed with a heart monitor and IV at his bedside] 

    Chas : Get out.

  • Royal : I got a pretty bad case of cancer.

    Chas : [yawns]  How long you gonna last?

    Royal : Not long.

    Chas : A month? A year?

    Royal : About six weeks. Let me get to the point, the three of you and your mother are all I've got and I love you more than anything.

    [Chas scoffs and mock laughs] 

    Royal : Chas, let me finish here. I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?

    Chas : No.

    Royal : Do you speak for everyone?

    Chas : I speak for myself.

  • Chas : Looks like you and Dad are back together again, huh.

    Richie : He's your dad too, Chas.

    Chas : No, he's not.

    Richie : Yes, he is.

    Chas : You really hate me, don't you?

    Richie : No. I don't. I love you.

    Chas : Well, I don't know what you think you're gonna get out of this, but believe me, whatever it is, it's not worth it.

    Richie : Chas. I don't want to hurt you. I know what you and the boys have been through. You're my brother and I love you.

    Chas : Stop saying that!

  • [to Royal] 

    Chas : Please don't come in this room.

  • [Chas Tenenbaum and his sons enter his mother's house with several bags] 

    Etheline Tenenbaum : Chas? What's going on?

    Chas : We got locked out of our apartment.

    Etheline Tenenbaum : Well, did you call a locksmith?

    Chas : Uh huh.

    Etheline Tenenbaum : Well, I don't understand. Did you pack your bags before you got locked out?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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