The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
Ben Stiller: Chas Tenenbaum
[in a hospital ward]
Chas : Why did you try to kill yourself?
Ethel : Don't press him right now.
Richie : I wrote a suicide note.
Chas : You did?
Richie : Yeah. Right after I regained consciousness.
Chas : Can we read it?
Richie : No.
Chas : Can you paraphrase it for us?
Richie : I don't think so.
Chas : Is it dark?
Richie : Of course it's dark, it's a suicide note.
Royal : [to Chas] Well... you sued me... twice. Got me disbarred. I don't hold it against you, do I?
[cut to Chas and Royal in court, sitting with their lawyers in front of the Judge]
Judge : And how is it possible for Mr. Tenenbaum to withdraw these funds without your written authorization?
Royal : Objection, Your Honor. Damn it, I...
Royal's Lawyer : Why don't you leave the objections to me, Royal?
Chas : Because I started the corporation when I was a minor. So, my father was the primary signatory on most of my accounts.
[Chas' lawyer whispers in his ear]
Chas : He also stole bonds out of my safety deposit box when I was fourteen.
[Royal looks at Chas, then back at the judge. He chuckles uncomfortably]
Royal : [back in present day, to Chas] You think you could start forgiving me?
Chas : Why should I?
Royal : Because you're hurting me.
[after the fire drill]
Chas : Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.
Chas : Please don't get in the middle of this, Mr. Sherman. This is a family matter.
Margot : Don't talk to him like that.
Henry Sherman : Call me Henry.
Chas : I prefer Mr. Sherman.
Ethel : Call him Henry.
Chas : Why? I don't know him that well.
Ethel : You've known him for 10 years.
Chas : As your accountant, Mr. Sherman, yes.
Royal : First thing I want to do is take you out to see your grandmother, at some point.
Richie : I haven't been out there since I was 6.
Margot : I haven't been out there at all, I was never invited.
Royal : Well, she wasn't your real grandmother, and I never knew how much interest you had, uh, sweetie. Anyway, you're invited now.
Richie : You know, Rachael's buried out there too.
Royal : Who?
Chas : My wife.
Royal : Oh, that's right, isn't it. Well, we'll have to swing by her grave too.
[Chas slams his book shut and angrily walks out]
Royal : [laying some flowers on the grave of his mother - Helen O'Reilly Tenenbaum, 1899-1954] She was a tough old broad, wasn't she?
Chas : I wouldn't know. Excuse me.
[he starts to head off with his sons Ari and Uzi to visit their mother's grave]
Royal : Oh, that's right, we've got another body buried here, haven't we?
Richie : I think he's very lonely. Lonelier than he lets on. Maybe lonelier than he even realizes.
Ethel : Have you spoken to him about this?
Richie : Briefly. And he agreed that...
Chas : I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little confused here. What are you suggesting?
Richie : That he come here and stay in my room.
Chas : Are you out of your mind?
Richie : No. I'm not. Anyway I think he'd be much more comfortable here than at...
Chas : Who gives a shit?
Richie : I do.
Chas : You poor sucker. You poor, washed up papa's boy.
[after seeing Royal asleep on a hospital bed with a heart monitor and IV at his bedside]
Chas : Get out.
Royal : I got a pretty bad case of cancer.
Chas : [yawns] How long you gonna last?
Royal : Not long.
Chas : A month? A year?
Royal : About six weeks. Let me get to the point, the three of you and your mother are all I've got and I love you more than anything.
[Chas scoffs and mock laughs]
Royal : Chas, let me finish here. I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
Chas : No.
Royal : Do you speak for everyone?
Chas : I speak for myself.
Chas : Looks like you and Dad are back together again, huh.
Richie : He's your dad too, Chas.
Chas : No, he's not.
Richie : Yes, he is.
Chas : You really hate me, don't you?
Richie : No. I don't. I love you.
Chas : Well, I don't know what you think you're gonna get out of this, but believe me, whatever it is, it's not worth it.
Richie : Chas. I don't want to hurt you. I know what you and the boys have been through. You're my brother and I love you.
Chas : Stop saying that!
Chas : Please don't come in this room.
[Chas Tenenbaum and his sons enter his mother's house with several bags]
Etheline Tenenbaum : Chas? What's going on?
Chas : We got locked out of our apartment.
Etheline Tenenbaum : Well, did you call a locksmith?
Chas : Uh huh.
Etheline Tenenbaum : Well, I don't understand. Did you pack your bags before you got locked out?