Bernard: [selling a book] Enjoy. It's dreadful, but it's quite short.
Bernard: [hangover] No Doctors! Doctors are Satanists! That's why they write Ambulance backwards.
Bernard: Whores will have their trinkets.
Bernard: Natural Selection favours the loud and aggressive, no offense, but genetically you are a cul-de-sac.
Bernard: [grabs a book at random] This one's good, you'll laugh, you'll cry, it'll change your life!
Bernard: Lies! Subterfuge! Seething Corruption!
Bernard: I can feel pieces of my brain falling away like a wet cake.
Bernard: She remembers, and I'm not allowed to.
Bernard: Don't you DARE use the word "Party" as a verb in my shop!
Bernard: The little man in my hair is getting very annoyed.
Chalkboard: Don't.
Chalkboard: No Anecdotage.
Chalkboard: No Chatting, No Smiling, Absolute Silence!
Chalkboard: Can't.
Bernard: Why would I want to do that, when I can do this?
[moshing]
Bernard: Every Day is another Betrayal.
Bernard: And what am I supposed to do while you're doing the Underpants Charleston with this insane, blind tart?
Bernard: I have spoken!
Fran: Shh, Manny! It's the beetroot talking!
Chalkboard: No giggling.
T-shirt: Flipper Dolphin Steaks.
T-shirt: Veterans of Disorder.
Bernard: I love my thumbs.
Bernard: You nearly hurt me in the shoulder, there!
Fran: [Wrestling Bernard] Say Peanuts!
Bernard: They keep coming! THEY'RE LIKE A NEST OF PIGS!
Chalkboard: No Prehensilizing!
Tishtayan Granny: The Bonds of Third Cousinhood cannot be broken!
Bernard: This is a bookshop, Manny. What's wrong with that?
Bernard: Oh, no! More hobbledehoy!
