Six Feet Under (2001–2005)
Brenda: The future is just a fucking concept that we use to avoid living today.
Claire: Well, isn't it comforting to know that being miserable is still better than being an idiot?
Maggie Sibley: I know that if you think life's a vending machine where you put in virtue and take out happiness then you're going to be disappointed.
Claire: If we live our lives the right way then everything we do can become a work of art.
Nate: Why do you treat me like shit all the time, Brenda?
Brenda: Because I've had a really fucked-up life and I need sarcasm to hide how ridiculously miserable I am!
Officer Keith Charles: [talking to David about marriage] You're in my will, I'm in yours. We basically are married, even if the law refuses to recognize it. But then again, I refuse to recognize most of the Bush Administration. I guess it all evens out.
Celeste: You ever been with a woman?
Officer Keith Charles: Of course.
Celeste: I don't get fucked in the ass.
Officer Keith Charles: That makes one of us.
George Sibley: I've made a lot of enemies through the years. You take the backstabbing world of academia, throw in a controversial field like geology and you've got real trouble.
Claire: Geology is controversial?
George Sibley: Oil, Claire. Oil.
Nate: There's something weird about twins, about these twins anyway.
[shows picture to Brenda]
Brenda: They're cute.
Nate: They smell like bananas.
Celeste: [on the phone] Fine, I'll do the crappy Kids Choice Awards, but I'm not presenting with Hilary fucking Duff.
[Parker is about to have sex]
Guy at party: How old are you?
Parker: How old do you want me to be?
Celeste: Creepy Colin Farrell just left me another creepy message; can't we do something about that, y'know legally?