Da Hip Hop Witch

Da Hip Hop Witch is quite an achievement in modern film making. Not only was it *not* released by New Concorde, it manages to make every movie I've ever seen that much better. You know how it is. You'll find yourself watching a crappy German movie with a dog taking a crap on a boat while some orchestral score rises in the background, and you'll turn to your friend, chuckle, and say, "Hey, at least it ain't Da Hip Hop Witch!"

I remember liking Vanilla Ice at one point. His goofy haircut, his sincere devotion to being on the streets... no more. He produced this movie. He is the core of this thing's existence. If ever there is a tribunal for crimes against humanity relating to film production, he should be the prime suspect.

As a side note, immediately after viewing, which killed every sense of joy I'd ever experienced in my life, I took the tape out of the VCR, opened the cover, and cut it. I suggest you cut the tape as a first step if you really want to see the best this movie has to offer.

Clearly, this is one of the worst films ever made. I remember seeing the trailer, and thinking it looked funny. I'd wanted to see it for years. Weeks ago, I found the DVD at Price Chopper for 3 bucks. I decided to get it, and wish I hadn't. This has the most lame attempts at humor I have ever seen. And the f bomb is dropped abut 30 times each minute. The plot is non existent...there is no plat. Most of the film is just annoying rappers talking about their encounters with Da Hip Hop Witch. Eminem is in it, and I hear that he wanted to have copies of this movie erased after he actually became famous. Not sure if it is true, but it wouldn't surprise me. This movie is totally painful. I hated it. I regret buying it, and I regret it deeply. I know this movie looks kind of funny, and me saying it is so bad will want to make you see it more...but it's not worth it. Trust me.

Da Hip Hop Witch (2000)

BOMB (out of 4)

Incredibly awful and rather pathetic "movie" about five idiot white people who go into the ghetto to look for the title creature. This witch just happens to stalks various rap artists so the white kids try to get famous by looking for her. This parody (?) of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT is beyond awful in every way imaginable. The screenplay is awful. The acting is awful. The direction is awful. The entire intent of this thing is awful and for the life of me I can't understand what writer-director Dale Resteghini was trying to do other than get idiots like me to watch this film. What we've basically got is a bunch of scenes that make no sense thrown together and the "highlight" is seeing various hip hop artists talk about their encounter with the witch or stories they've heard about the witch. These include Eminem talking about how the witch tried to stick her butter finger up his butt. Really? Was this meant to be funny? Were we supposed to take this serious? Mobb Deep, Rah Digga, Pras, Killah Priest, Ja Rule and Vanilla Ice also show up. There's no question that this film wasn't made to try and win an Oscar but at the same time you'd hope for at least some cheap entertainment or fun. This movie really offers neither and it actually gets worse as it goes along. It's just mind-blowing that the director would make a film like this but, again, I'm sure it was for money. Even then, was there a reason for this to clock in at 90-minutes? The entire film looks incredibly cheap and from what I've read the director just pretty much showed up at the various artists' locations, threw them some money and then had them talk. It's clear none of them knew what the heck was going on as their stories just drag on and there's no point to any of them. DA HIP HOP WITCH is a complete piece of junk that probably ranks as the very worse I've ever seen. I at least can't think of another movie where less effort was done.

I was forced to watch this by a friend after loosing a bet. The whole time I was thinking - please Lord take me home.... A brain haemorrhage would be a welcome escape - but no, we watched the entire film. The only reason to watch this crap is if you actually like the music being blasted out of the souped up honda civic ( you know the one - lime green with neon lights, 17" wheels, and tinted windows ) that cruises the mall parking lot on Friday night...

I'm sorry, but this was truly bad. Any movie has some merits, either it's a bit artsy, with nice angles and colors and characters, or it's so bad it's funny (read Schwarzeneggers movies), or it's a touching story, or it's at least something. This movie was really nothing. It's pretty much the worst movie I've ever seen. No, wait! I lied. It IS the worst movie I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of bad movies.

Stay away from this, unless your prepared for something spectacularly bad, so bad it ain't even funny anymore.

I have to admit, the names got me kinda excited before I saw it, and the idea seemed fun. But don't let that fool you!