Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) Poster

Renée Zellweger: Bridget Jones



  • Bridget : Wait a minute... nice boys don't kiss like that.

    Mark Darcy : Oh, yes, they fucking do.

  • Bridget : It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.

  • Bridget : Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse.

  • Bridget : I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Well, I meant it, but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant... After all, it's only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are just... full of crap.

    Mark Darcy : Yes, I know that. I was just buying you a new one.

  • Mark Darcy : Bridget!

    Bridget : Mark... What are you doing here?

    Mark Darcy : I was just wondering if you were available for Bar Mitzvahs and Christenings in addition to Ruby Weddings.

    Bridget : I thought you were in America.

    Mark Darcy : Well I was... but I realized I had forgotten something here.

    Bridget : Which was...?

    Mark Darcy : Well, I realized that I had forgotten to... kiss you goodbye, do you mind?

    Bridget : Umm... not really, no. So... does this mean you're *not* going to America?

    Mark Darcy : No... not.

    Bridget : Does this mean you're staying here?

    Mark Darcy : It would seem so...

    Mark Darcy : [notices her friends cheering]  Friends of yours?

    Bridget : Oh, haha... never seen them before in my life.

  • [From the UK release] 

    [answering phone] 

    Bridget : Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mum... Hi.

  • Daniel Cleaver : Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you then I can't make it with anyone.

    Bridget : That's not a good enough offer for me.

  • Bridget : You once said you liked me just as I am and I just wanted to say likewise. I mean there are stupid things your mum buys you, tonight's another... classic. You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing in every situation and I seriously believe that you should rethink the length of your sideburns. But, you're a nice man and I like you. If you wanted to pop by some time that might be nice... more than nice.

    Mark Darcy : Right, crikey.

  • Mark Darcy : I like you, very much.

    Bridget : Ah, apart from the smoking and the drinking, the vulgar mother and... ah, the verbal diarrhea.

    Mark Darcy : No, I like you very much. Just as you are.

  • Bridget : Did I really run round your lawn naked?

    Mark Darcy : Oh, yes. You were four and I was eight.

    Bridget : Well, that's a pretty big age difference. It's quite pervy really.

    Mark Darcy : Yes, I like to think so.

  • Richard Finch : Why do you wanna work on television?

    Bridget : I've got to leave my job because I shagged my boss.

    Richard Finch : Fair enough. Start on Monday.

  • Perpetua : Anyone going to introduce me?

    Bridget : [to herself]  Ah. Introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark is a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel raced ex-wife. Perpetua is a fat-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around.

    [to herself] 

    Bridget : Maybe not.

    Perpetua : Anyone going to introduce me?

    Bridget : Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark is a top barrister. Comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua is one of my work colleagues.

  • Bridget : I owe you an apology about Daniel. He said you ran off with his fiancée and left him brokenhearted.

    Mark Darcy : No, it was the other way around. My wife. My heart.

  • Daniel Cleaver : Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And, um, these are, fuck me, absolutely enormous panties.

    Bridget : Jesus. Fuck.

    Daniel Cleaver : No, no. Don't apologize. I like them. Hello, Mummy.

    [they kiss] 

    Daniel Cleaver : I'm sorry, I have to have another look. They're too good to be true.

    Bridget : No...

    Daniel Cleaver : They're nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm wearing something similar myself.

  • Bridget : Are you staying at your parents for New Years?

    Mark Darcy : Yes. You?

    Bridget : Ah, no. Was at a party in London last night, I'm afraid I'm a bit hungover.

    [nervous laugh] 

    Bridget : Wish I could be home with my head in a toilet like all normal people...


    Bridget : ...ah! New Year's Resolution: drink less... and quit smoking... and quit talking total nonsense to strangers... actually, quit talking, full stop.

    [awkward silence] 

    Mark Darcy : Yes. Well. Perhaps it's time to eat.

  • Bridget : [to Cosmo and Woney]  Tell me, is it one in four marriages that end in divorce these days, or one in three?

    Mark Darcy : One in three.

  • [regarding the blue soup] 

    Bridget : How's it look?

    Mark : Uh, great. It's, um, blue.

    Bridget : Blue?

    Mark : No, but, blue is good. If you ask me there isn't enough blue food.

    Bridget : Oh, shit! It must be the string.

    Mark : Oh, it's string soup?

  • Bridget : This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.

  • Bridget : [as Una Alconberry]  No, Pam. Besides, the gravy needs sieving.

    Mark Darcy : [as Pamela Jones]  Surely not, just stir it Una.

  • Jude : Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or slightly smaller nose?

    Bridget : No.

    Shazzer : Well, fuck me.

    Tom : This is someone you hate right?

    Bridget : Yes, yes, I hate him.

  • Bridget : Resolution #1: Uggg - will obviously lose 20 lbs. #2: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things.

  • Bridget : Look, are you and Cosmo in on this together? Because every time I see you, you seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a *complete* idiot. And you really needn't bother: I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway - with or without the fireman's pole.

  • Bridget : [referring to Darcy's and Cleaver's bad relationship]  That's why you always acted so strangely around him, and beat him to a pulp quite rightly.

    [awkward pause] 

    Bridget : Well done.

  • [Bridget glimpses Mark for the first time] 

    Bridget : Perhaps this is the mysterious Mr. Right I have been waiting my whole life to meet.

    [sees reindeer sweater] 

    Bridget : Maybe not.

  • [From the trailer] 

    [answering phone] 

    Bridget : Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Dad... Hi.

  • Bridget : Daniel, what you just did is actually illegal in several countries.

    Daniel Cleaver : That is one of the reasons that I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today.

  • Bridget : So what do you think of the situation in Chechnya?

    Daniel Cleaver : I couldn't give a fuck, Jones.

  • Bridget : [rummaging through her fridge]  Where the fuck's the fucking tuna?

    [imitating her line on TV] 

    Bridget : This is Bridget Jones, with Sit Up Britain, searching for tuna.

  • Bridget : What are we going to do about this dinner, then?

    Mark : We have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and, well, for a main course you have, uh, congealed green gunge.

  • Bridget : [narrating ]  Great. I was wearing a carpet.

  • Bridget : Here is the man we like to call Mr., uh,

    [to herself] 

    Bridget : Titspervert. Titspervert.

    [to audience] 

    Bridget : Fitzherbert. Because... that is his name.

  • Interviewer : What do you think about the El Nino phenomenon?

    Bridget : It's a blip. Latin music's on its way out.

  • Daniel Cleaver : First, have some more wine, and then tell me the story about practicing French kissing with the art girls at school, because it's a very good story.

    Bridget : It wasn't French kissing.

    Daniel Cleaver : Don't care, make it up. That's an order, Jones.

  • Tom : Whose side are we on?

    Shazzer : Mark's, of course. He never dumped Bridget for some naked American.

    Bridget : But he did shag Daniel's fiancée and left him broken-hearted.

    Tom : You're right, it's a tough one to call.

  • Pam Jones : [to Bridget on 'phone]  I must say the sex is still quite surprising. Do you know just the other day I was just dozing off and I felt this huge...

    Bridget : Bye mum.

    [replaces receiver] 

    Bridget : Ugh.

  • Bridget : Now, I'll go home and... de-bunny.

  • Bridget : Apparently, I used to run round naked in his paddling pool.

    Daniel Cleaver : I bet you did, you dirty bitch.

  • Shazzer : Look, are you coming to fucking Paris or not?

    Bridget : Um, not.

    Shazzer : No fucking room, anyway.

  • Bridget : [voiceover]  Resolution number one: obviously, will lose twenty pounds. Number two: will find nice sensible boyfriend and not continue to form romantic attachments to alcoholics, workaholics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts.

  • Shazzer : Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of 'em. Tell 'em they can stick fucking Leevis up their fucking asses.

    Bridget : [narrating]  Shazzer. Journalist. Likes to say "fuck."

  • Bridget : [fight enters Greek restaurant]  No, no, no, no, no, no!

    Tom : Oh, yes!

  • Bridget : I choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan.

  • Bridget : My mum, a strange creature from the time when pickles on toothpicks were still the height of sophistication.

  • Bridget : Have bottom size of Brazil.

  • Shazzer : Introduce people with thoughtful details. Such as: "Sheila, this is Daniel. Daniel, this is Sheila. Sheila enjoys horse-riding and comes from New Zealand. Daniel enjoys publishing and comes..."

    Bridget : ...all over your face?

  • Bridget : [to carolers]  Bugger off.

  • Bridget : The only thing worse than smug married couple; lots of smug married couples.

  • Shazzer : Exactly. I mean there's been all these bloody hints and stuff, but has he ever actually stuck his fucking tongue down your fucking throat?

    Bridget : No. Not once!

  • Mark Darcy : That's not a sand piper, Bridget, it's a snowy plover.

    Bridget : Sand pipers, plovers, albatrosses! Do I look like a bloody entomologist?

    Mark Darcy : Ornithologist...

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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