Harry Melling: Dudley Dursley
Dudley Dursley : Daddy's gone mad hasn't he?
Uncle Vernon : [the Dursleys are sitting in the lounge, peacefully. It is Sunday and no letters have arrived] Fine day, Sunday. In my opinion, best day of the week.
[turns to Dudley]
Uncle Vernon : Why is that, Dudley?
Harry : [Harry serves the Dursleys biscuits on a platter] Because there's no post on Sundays?
Uncle Vernon : Right you are, Harry!
[Vernon takes a biscuit from the platter that Harry served them]
Uncle Vernon : No post on Sundays. Ha!
[Harry stares out to see a parliament of owls outside Privet Drive]
Uncle Vernon : No blasted letters *today*! No, sir! Not one single bloody letter! Not *one*!
[the owls hoot outside the window]
Uncle Vernon : No sir! Not one blasted, miserable -
[a letter whizzes toward Vernon and hits him in the face. The Dursleys and Harry hear a rumble and a whole lot of letters shoot through the fireplace. The Dursleys scream as the letters shoot toward them, as Harry tries to catch one. Harry has a letter in his hand and Vernon chases after him]
Uncle Vernon : Give me that! Give me that letter!
[Harry runs to his room underneath the staircase and Vernon grabs him, trying to get the letter]
Harry : [getting grabbed by Vernon] Get off!
[Petunia screams as more letters shoot toward her and Vernon screams as the letters topple him, whilst still grabbing Harry]
Harry : They're *my* letters! Let go of me!
[even more letters shoot through the mailbox]
Uncle Vernon : [Vernon has had enough of the letters and starts yelling] THAT'S IT! WE'RE GOING AWAY! FAR AWAY! WHERE THEY CAN'T FIND US!
Dudley Dursley : [to Petunia] Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?
[Petunia looks at Vernon in shock]
Harry : [writing HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY on the sand-like floor of the boat he and the Dursley's are in] Make a wish, Harry.
[looks at Dudley's watch, it is now his birthday, and blows on the dusty, sand-like floor, when someone is trying to break in, which wakes Dudley up]
Uncle Vernon : [come's into Dudley and Harry's room with a rifle and Aunt Petunia] Who's there?
[the door breaks open, and everyone screams in terror]
Hagrid : Sorry about that.
[puts door back on]
Uncle Vernon : I demand that you leave at once! You are breaking an entry!
Hagrid : [walks over to Vernon] Dry up, Dursley, you great prune!
[bends the rifle's end up and Vernon shoots and walks over to Dudley]
Hagrid : Boy, I hasn't seen yeh since you was a baby, Harry, but you're a little bit longer that I expected, especially right in the middle.
Dudley Dursley : I-I'm not Harry.
Harry : [walks over to Hagrid] I am.
Hagrid : Well, of course you are. Got somethin' for yeh, 'fraid I may have sat on it at some point, but I imagine it'll taste just the same.
[gives Harry a box]
Hagrid : Painted it myself, words and all.
[Dudley looks jealous]
Harry : [opens the box, to reveal a cake that says HAPPEE BIRTHDAE HARRY on it] Thank you.
Hagrid : It's not every day your young man turns eleven, eh?