Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001) Poster

Harry Melling: Dudley Dursley



  • Dudley Dursley : Daddy's gone mad hasn't he?

  • Dudley Dursley : [on Dudley's birthday]  How many are there?

    Uncle Vernon : 36, counted them myself.

    Dudley Dursley : 36! But last year, last year I had 37!

    Uncle Vernon : Yes, yes, but some of them are quite a bit bigger than last year.

    Dudley Dursley : I don't care how big they are!

  • Uncle Vernon : [the Dursleys are sitting in the lounge, peacefully. It is Sunday and no letters have arrived]  Fine day, Sunday. In my opinion, best day of the week.

    [turns to Dudley] 

    Uncle Vernon : Why is that, Dudley?

    [Dudley shrugs] 

    Harry : [Harry serves the Dursleys biscuits on a platter]  Because there's no post on Sundays?

    Uncle Vernon : Right you are, Harry!

    [Vernon takes a biscuit from the platter that Harry served them] 

    Uncle Vernon : No post on Sundays. Ha!

    [Harry stares out to see a parliament of owls outside Privet Drive] 

    Uncle Vernon : No blasted letters *today*! No, sir! Not one single bloody letter! Not *one*!

    [the owls hoot outside the window] 

    Uncle Vernon : No sir! Not one blasted, miserable -

    [a letter whizzes toward Vernon and hits him in the face. The Dursleys and Harry hear a rumble and a whole lot of letters shoot through the fireplace. The Dursleys scream as the letters shoot toward them, as Harry tries to catch one. Harry has a letter in his hand and Vernon chases after him] 

    Uncle Vernon : Give me that! Give me that letter!

    [Harry runs to his room underneath the staircase and Vernon grabs him, trying to get the letter] 

    Harry : [getting grabbed by Vernon]  Get off!

    [Petunia screams as more letters shoot toward her and Vernon screams as the letters topple him, whilst still grabbing Harry] 

    Harry : They're *my* letters! Let go of me!

    [even more letters shoot through the mailbox] 

    Uncle Vernon : [Vernon has had enough of the letters and starts yelling]  THAT'S IT! WE'RE GOING AWAY! FAR AWAY! WHERE THEY CAN'T FIND US!

    Dudley Dursley : [to Petunia]  Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?

    [Petunia looks at Vernon in shock] 

  • Harry : [writing HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY on the sand-like floor of the boat he and the Dursley's are in]  Make a wish, Harry.

    [looks at Dudley's watch, it is now his birthday, and blows on the dusty, sand-like floor, when someone is trying to break in, which wakes Dudley up] 

    Uncle Vernon : [come's into Dudley and Harry's room with a rifle and Aunt Petunia]  Who's there?

    [the door breaks open, and everyone screams in terror] 

    Hagrid : Sorry about that.

    [puts door back on] 

    Uncle Vernon : I demand that you leave at once! You are breaking an entry!

    Hagrid : [walks over to Vernon]  Dry up, Dursley, you great prune!

    [bends the rifle's end up and Vernon shoots and walks over to Dudley] 

    Hagrid : Boy, I hasn't seen yeh since you was a baby, Harry, but you're a little bit longer that I expected, especially right in the middle.

    Dudley Dursley : I-I'm not Harry.

    Harry : [walks over to Hagrid]  I am.

    Hagrid : Well, of course you are. Got somethin' for yeh, 'fraid I may have sat on it at some point, but I imagine it'll taste just the same.

    [gives Harry a box] 

    Hagrid : Painted it myself, words and all.

    [Dudley looks jealous] 

    Harry : [opens the box, to reveal a cake that says HAPPEE BIRTHDAE HARRY on it]  Thank you.

    Hagrid : It's not every day your young man turns eleven, eh?

  • Dudley Dursley : [about presents]  How many are there?

    Uncle Vernon : 36, counted them myself.

See also

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