Richard Griffiths: Uncle Vernon Dursley
Uncle Vernon : He will not be going, I tell you! We swore when we took him in we'd put a stop to all this rubbish!
Harry : You knew? You knew all along and you never told me?
Aunt Petunia : Of course we knew. How could you not be? My perfect sister being who she was. My mother and father were so proud the day she got her letter. "We have a witch in the family. Isn't it wonderful?" I was the only one to see her for what she was... a freak! And then she met that Potter. And then she had you, and I knew you would be the same. Just as strange, just as... abnormal. And then if you please, she went and got herself blown up, and we got landed with you.
Harry : Blown up? You told me my parents died in a car crash!
Hagrid : A car crash? A car crash kill Lily and James Potter?
Aunt Petunia : We had to say something.
Hagrid : It's an outrage! It's a scandal!
Uncle Vernon : He'll not be going!
Hagrid : Oh, and I suppose a great muggle like yourself's gonna stop him, are ya?
Harry : [writing HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY on the sand-like floor of the boat he and the Dursley's are in] Make a wish, Harry.
[looks at Dudley's watch, it is now his birthday, and blows on the dusty, sand-like floor, when someone is trying to break in, which wakes Dudley up]
Uncle Vernon : [come's into Dudley and Harry's room with a rifle and Aunt Petunia] Who's there?
[the door breaks open, and everyone screams in terror]
Hagrid : Sorry about that.
[puts door back on]
Uncle Vernon : I demand that you leave at once! You are breaking an entry!
Hagrid : [walks over to Vernon] Dry up, Dursley, you great prune!
[bends the rifle's end up and Vernon shoots and walks over to Dudley]
Hagrid : Boy, I hasn't seen yeh since you was a baby, Harry, but you're a little bit longer that I expected, especially right in the middle.
Dudley Dursley : I-I'm not Harry.
Harry : [walks over to Hagrid] I am.
Hagrid : Well, of course you are. Got somethin' for yeh, 'fraid I may have sat on it at some point, but I imagine it'll taste just the same.
[gives Harry a box]
Hagrid : Painted it myself, words and all.
[Dudley looks jealous]
Harry : [opens the box, to reveal a cake that says HAPPEE BIRTHDAE HARRY on it] Thank you.
Hagrid : It's not every day your young man turns eleven, eh?
Uncle Vernon : [to Harry] There's no such thing as magic!
Uncle Vernon : [the Dursleys are sitting in the lounge, peacefully. It is Sunday and no letters have arrived] Fine day, Sunday. In my opinion, best day of the week.
[turns to Dudley]
Uncle Vernon : Why is that, Dudley?
Harry : [Harry serves the Dursleys biscuits on a platter] Because there's no post on Sundays?
Uncle Vernon : Right you are, Harry!
[Vernon takes a biscuit from the platter that Harry served them]
Uncle Vernon : No post on Sundays. Ha!
[Harry stares out to see a parliament of owls outside Privet Drive]
Uncle Vernon : No blasted letters *today*! No, sir! Not one single bloody letter! Not *one*!
[the owls hoot outside the window]
Uncle Vernon : No sir! Not one blasted, miserable -
[a letter whizzes toward Vernon and hits him in the face. The Dursleys and Harry hear a rumble and a whole lot of letters shoot through the fireplace. The Dursleys scream as the letters shoot toward them, as Harry tries to catch one. Harry has a letter in his hand and Vernon chases after him]
Uncle Vernon : Give me that! Give me that letter!
[Harry runs to his room underneath the staircase and Vernon grabs him, trying to get the letter]
Harry : [getting grabbed by Vernon] Get off!
[Petunia screams as more letters shoot toward her and Vernon screams as the letters topple him, whilst still grabbing Harry]
Harry : They're *my* letters! Let go of me!
[even more letters shoot through the mailbox]
Uncle Vernon : [Vernon has had enough of the letters and starts yelling] THAT'S IT! WE'RE GOING AWAY! FAR AWAY! WHERE THEY CAN'T FIND US!
Dudley Dursley : [to Petunia] Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?
[Petunia looks at Vernon in shock]
Uncle Vernon : [Harry is in his room, under the stairs, playing with his toy horse, when he hears a drilling noise] No more mail through this letterbox!
[Harry opens the door to see Vernon drilling a piece of wood through the mail slot to stop any letters coming in]