Black Guy: I got to drop a serious Lincoln Log. Where's the head, dude?
Black Guy: This is hard for me to say, because I am a shy homefly, but I just wanted to say that before one of these pillar-headed crackers come in here and do a bust-jam on our crazy asses, I love you.
Girl: He's gonna try to get laid.
Guy#1: Is that your little girl there?
Lady: Yeah, stay away from her.
Guy#2: Don't get too attached to her. In about fifteen minutes, she's gonna stab you to death with a gardening tool.
Lady: What kind of tool?
Guy#2: Hand-spade. And then she's gonna eat your leg. Gross!
Girl: [holding back zombies with a door] This is ridiculous.
Black Guy: [assisting her] Ridiculous? Nah, this ain't ridiculous. This is the perfect scenario for a Tuesday night. What makes you say it's ridiculous? It couldn't be the zombies, could it?
Girl: I want a tuna sandwich!
Black Guy: Listen up, baby, I got a bunch of white-ass zombie motherfuckers checking out my French fries, and if I don't waste their white asses, they're gonna come in here and clean house!
Lady: [about to kill the other lady] Hand me the spade.
zombie: Can I use your bathroom? Quick crap.
Black Guy: [chases him off with tire iron] You ain't using MY bathroom, motherfucker!
Black Guy: One of you guys is going out for a couple of cokes and a large extra cheese, piping hot, and actually, I think it should be your white ass that makes the trip, motherfucker!
Guy#3: Wanna have sex?
[lady looks at him until he leaves the room]
Guy#3: I'll drive that bitching truck, dude!
Black Guy: The truck explodes!
Guy#3: Like I said, he's driving.
Black Guy: You getting hungry? Do I look like a cheeseburger?